what a difference sleep makes...
what a difference sleep makes...
i feel so much better. once i hit that pillow after work i was out all nite. seems im so hungry today tho. must have really put my body threw some sh*t. i cant seem to get enough food. and i can tast my food today. my god you guys i really slipped hard. i guess we bar hopped those few days. i had people come up to me and say hey jay! how you feeling. to be honest i didnt even remember them. i really could have been killed on that bender. you see we hooked up with a girl at the bar. she said she had a good connection in kansas city. i really didnt think kansas was that bad. i was dead wrong. we ended up in a neighborhood that looked like something out of boys from the hood movie. i didnt know there were parts like that in kansas. we hooked up with 2 new dealers. and everytime we showed up they either had guns on the kitchen table where we were getting are stuff or i really remember picking up this dude in my car (i wasnt driving) but he had a glock on his lap. i guess thats how those people live out there. what a life. when i sobered up i remembered bits n pieces. but i really cant stop about thinking about those guns. i could have been shot and dumped in the river. we hooked up with an ice dealer late tues nite. that drug is sooooooo bad. i was hooked when i took it and once i couldnt sleep and seen shadows and whispers i told myself this sucks. well im glad to tell you im focused again and after work im packing up and early sat morning i will be at my new home. i thought were i lived was bad. its nothing compaired to kansas city. i live in disney land compaired to the city. i was cleaning out my car yesterday and found digital scales in my glove compartement. i dont know who or where they came from but it scared me to know they were in there. there not mine thats for sure. who knows.. well i must work now but i will be back here all day to post and read. im much better and im done with it all. why did i slip so hard? my shrink says maybe i did want to die. maybe he was right. but i know i want to live today...jason
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Jason,
Thanks for making my day...I'm so glad you are feeling better...
You asked why did you slip so hard? I have heard it said numerous times that each time we go back out there, our disease gets more complicated, more painful, and harder to come back to sobriety...
I am so glad you made it back to us...
You can do this Jason, I know you can...
Thanks for making my day...I'm so glad you are feeling better...
You asked why did you slip so hard? I have heard it said numerous times that each time we go back out there, our disease gets more complicated, more painful, and harder to come back to sobriety...
I am so glad you made it back to us...
You can do this Jason, I know you can...
my son was with my x wife. i was suppost to have him this wed but i told her i was sick and i didnt have him untill yesterday. no i didnt have him at all while i was on my binge. when i picked him up yesterday he was so excited to see me. i almost broke down and cryed. it was another reminder why i must stay sober. what would have happened if i got killed in the city. that would break his little heart. how many bullets must i dodge to get it right? im done dodging i want to live. i dont care if my life gets lonley and boring. its much better than what ive been doing. one more day and im out of there. it will be such a weight lifted once im back in the country with grandma. im so ready...jason
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Jason I used to fake sick to avoid seeing my kids too - I want you to know that I'm not judging you, because I've been there.
My life is anything but boring today - it's not as edgy, risky, whatever, but I can live with myself today and have real friendships.
If you are willing, I'll bet there is a lot of support for recovering people in your community. It's too hard to do this on our own. Why not try something different?
My life is anything but boring today - it's not as edgy, risky, whatever, but I can live with myself today and have real friendships.
If you are willing, I'll bet there is a lot of support for recovering people in your community. It's too hard to do this on our own. Why not try something different?
im sorry but i have been reading posts and i wish i could reply to some of the messages but me being right after a slip i dont think i would have the best advice. i just want you all to know i care and usually would post replys but right now im not able to be as supportive as you all have been with me. come monday i should be a chatty cathy again haha. thanks
Hi Topetah,
WOW!!
You didn't know KC was so hard-core huh?
There is a lot of "hood" in KC, I was just as shocked as you when I first saw it.
That's where I am, I think I may have told you that once before.
"that drug is sooooooo bad"
YES IT IS!
SO deadly SO addictive.
I know how you feel man.
Don't let it take you hostage like it did me. Please.
The best advice that I can give is to remember how good you "thought" that first hit made you feel.
Then...
Imagine a life feeling the exact opposite multiplied by a thousand.
ICE WILL TAKE EVERYTHING
FROM YOU---
IF-YOU-LET-IT!
I will be keeping you in my prayers. You deserve a grand life.
GO GET IT!!
WOW!!
You didn't know KC was so hard-core huh?
There is a lot of "hood" in KC, I was just as shocked as you when I first saw it.
That's where I am, I think I may have told you that once before.
"that drug is sooooooo bad"
YES IT IS!
SO deadly SO addictive.
I know how you feel man.
Don't let it take you hostage like it did me. Please.
The best advice that I can give is to remember how good you "thought" that first hit made you feel.
Then...
Imagine a life feeling the exact opposite multiplied by a thousand.
ICE WILL TAKE EVERYTHING
FROM YOU---
IF-YOU-LET-IT!
I will be keeping you in my prayers. You deserve a grand life.
GO GET IT!!
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