donalarmagh

I attend a mens meeting that recently seem to have at least 1 female attending each week. It doesn't seem that they are in dire straits, it seem they are there more for the novelty. I want them to leave, can the group ask them to leave?

embraced2000

is it specified as a mens only meeting???

donalarmagh

yes

embraced2000

so what's the deal with the female being there?

if it is specifically stated as a mens only meeting, then that is what it is supposed to be. jmho.

are you speaking of al-anon or aa meetings?

donalarmagh

Alanon

denny57

Is it Thursday nights?

donalarmagh

yes

donalarmagh

Hello denny and yes this meeting is on thursday nights

WantsOut

I think yes, ask her to leave because it's men only. Maybe direct her to a women only meeting to deflect any accusations of sexism. Yeesh - she's/they're invading your space and I don't blame you for being bothered by it. It's not right.

denny57

Donal - I think I know that meeting, because a couple guys I know go to it and they've been complaining about the same thing. I'll tell you my suggestion to them: have a group conscience and decide. I know it's an open door policy if someone is in crisis, but as you're well aware there are plenty of meetings in the area on a Thursday night. Your meeting is clearly marked stag in the directory.

Perhaps the group conscience could include posting a sign at the door, saying this is a stag and there is a nearby 7pm meeting in Montrose.

I'm also sorry to say I have heard a couple women say they go to this meeting just to "see what it's about." Of course, they can do that on the first Thursday of the month, as you know, so I'm not sure what they're doing. Yet the men I know from that meeting say they either leave or don't share in their normal way; so they're really not seeing what it's about at all. I guess in the Al-Anon tradition it's not my place to figure it out.

I think the meetings that are specifically set up for a purpose: stag, women's, mothers, etc. should be honored. Particularly in our area, as there are dozens and dozens of meetings to choose from.

I wish you luck with this because I think it's worth it.

Mr. Christian

Well I guess the bigger question is this: Why do YOU have a problem with her there?

denny57

You know, for me the biggest question is why does SHE have a problem with stag meetings? But it's none of my business. :-)

Mr. Christian

As a rule in my area ALL people are welcome. We refer to them as guests.
After being on many committees and participating in-group conscious also we have encountered this before.
It is not up to ONE person to ask another to leave.
It must be voted on as a single issue and only if there is a problem that they are causing.
There are certain rules to go by when something happens but the feelings of one are not always the feelings of the group.

denny57

That's why I suggest a group conscience. Meetings evolve.

mallowcup

Do they use the term stag? These days, stag just means coming alone.

BigSis

Mallow, thank you, I was thinking the same thing. Perhaps the problem is that not everyone uses the slang term the same way.

donalarmagh

Because I want to be a Superman, not a Superwoman... "not that there is anything wrong with that !"

donalarmagh

I'm not sure that all people are welcome, but as I said and as was eluded to in denny57 it seems to be more of a novelty thing. I choose to attend mens meetings and have myself left other meetings in my 20 years of sobriety when I walked in and found that it was a womens stag. I don't understand that when there are so many womens, and mixed meeting in the area, I feel they are forcing their self will on me. I'm interested in experience not opinion. That why I posted this thread in the first place.

mallowcup

Maybe kindly explaining that to this woman might help. She may not have transportation to another location. If the meeting is for men and you feel that she is using the meeting as her platform or as a dating buffet, I'd speak to whoever is running the meetings and have them enforce the rules.

socalgal

I think I know this meeting also. My husband attends it and has mentioned that there is a woman there every week and that there seems to be some dilemna as to handle it. I know in the directory that is is clearly marked as a men's meeting. There are other meetings in the area that this woman could be (politely) directed to. When people chose a particular meeting based on the idea that there will only be men or only be women in attendance it is usually for a reason and they go expecting it to be just that. The comfort level and type of sharing can definitely be impacted by the presence of this woman. She is either unaware or inconsiderate. Let's hope it is the former and that someone can explain things to her.

If this is the group in that I think it is I know that they have open meetings on the first Thursday of every month. Many wives and other women attend this meeting. She could attend then if she so desired. By the way, my husband informs me that the general nature and climate of these open meetings is different than the closed meetings. The presence of women makes a difference just as the presence of men probably would in a women's closed meeting.

Hopefully, somebody will have the courage and right words to say. This seems to be causing a lot of unneccessary conflict. Either the woman will be enlightened (embarrassed?) or indignant. Either way, I think the group has every right to look out for there common welfare and preserve the integrity of the group and ask her to leave. Just my opinion.
K