Any Happily Ever After's?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Eau Claire
Posts: 7
Any Happily Ever After's?
I just keep reading and it seems that more often than not, we end up having to leave our alcoholics. There's so much encouragement for those who want to get out, and I totally know that there are those who HAVE TO GET OUT.
But is there anyone who's husband/wife gets it together and they have a healthy marriage? I don't hear much of that. (though maybe the ones in happy, healthy marriages don't feel the need to post much anymore?)
Bill has just gone into rehab, and I don't necessarily believe that this is The Turning Point, but I keep hoping that eventually he'll be better. I've been married for 13 years, and I really hope that this will work, but I almost think people are saying, "Don't kid yourself." And maybe I am.
But is there anyone who's husband/wife gets it together and they have a healthy marriage? I don't hear much of that. (though maybe the ones in happy, healthy marriages don't feel the need to post much anymore?)
Bill has just gone into rehab, and I don't necessarily believe that this is The Turning Point, but I keep hoping that eventually he'll be better. I've been married for 13 years, and I really hope that this will work, but I almost think people are saying, "Don't kid yourself." And maybe I am.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
I'm a "happily ever after." My AH is in recovery, but I held that title before he found sobriety. You are correct that tomorrow has no guarantees, but I prefer to be positive about my A's sobriety. Happiness is all about attitude. I think a positive attitude helps both of us. If I had to live every day of my life worrying about whether he would stay sober, I would go nuts. I will admit that I was doom and gloom and expecting the worst while he was going through treatment. Sobriety was a new position for me to be in, and it was foreign to me. But I'm okay now. I think it's been about 26 days. I'm not counting, but he is.
As far as "healthy" marriages go... I know married couples who do not have alcohol problems, and their marriages are nothing to brag about.
You have every reason to feel good about your husband's recovery. This is a good day. Don't focus on him... focus on yourself. You will both do great if you take it one... day... at... a... time.
As far as "healthy" marriages go... I know married couples who do not have alcohol problems, and their marriages are nothing to brag about.
You have every reason to feel good about your husband's recovery. This is a good day. Don't focus on him... focus on yourself. You will both do great if you take it one... day... at... a... time.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
I am a happily ever after recovered AH.
Oct will be 32 years married and will make for 7 years of total proper recovery.
I stopped the intake of alcohol many years before that but never worked towards a good recovery. Just stopped drinking was all. Once I started working a good recovery program-(for me it was finding the steps of recovery while reading the bible) and realizing that the same steps of recovery that AA uses and the answers I found in the bible both work to improve "me" and make me a better person... Well the past 7 years have been the best years of my whole marriage.
Oct will be 32 years married and will make for 7 years of total proper recovery.
I stopped the intake of alcohol many years before that but never worked towards a good recovery. Just stopped drinking was all. Once I started working a good recovery program-(for me it was finding the steps of recovery while reading the bible) and realizing that the same steps of recovery that AA uses and the answers I found in the bible both work to improve "me" and make me a better person... Well the past 7 years have been the best years of my whole marriage.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I'm so sorry there are more crash-and-burns here than successes; however, we wouldn't be here if we were successes as far as the A getting sober, would we?
Basically, we are here because we're trying to work towards our own cure from the damage done by the A in our life. We want to find serenity and peace and heal ourselves of the codependent behaviors we have that have caused our own view of the world - and our inability to handle a relationship - to become as messed up as the A in our life.
There was a gal who used to post here when I was a newbie who went by the name of "Wraybear." Her AH had a major auto accident while drunk with their three children in the car. I know at least one of their kids was badly injured. He ended up serving time in jail. She separated from him.
The last I heard, he was sober, working a program, and sponsoring other alcoholics. It still brings tears to my eyes. I don't know where "Wraybear" is tonight, but she had a great impact on my life, and I still pray for her and her family. Wraybear, I know you are not here now, but I still love you for all the support you gave to me even when you were in terrible circumstances.
Yeah, there are success stories. Both for those who decide to stay and those who decide to leave.
Basically, we are here because we're trying to work towards our own cure from the damage done by the A in our life. We want to find serenity and peace and heal ourselves of the codependent behaviors we have that have caused our own view of the world - and our inability to handle a relationship - to become as messed up as the A in our life.
There was a gal who used to post here when I was a newbie who went by the name of "Wraybear." Her AH had a major auto accident while drunk with their three children in the car. I know at least one of their kids was badly injured. He ended up serving time in jail. She separated from him.
The last I heard, he was sober, working a program, and sponsoring other alcoholics. It still brings tears to my eyes. I don't know where "Wraybear" is tonight, but she had a great impact on my life, and I still pray for her and her family. Wraybear, I know you are not here now, but I still love you for all the support you gave to me even when you were in terrible circumstances.
Yeah, there are success stories. Both for those who decide to stay and those who decide to leave.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
"Happily Ever After"
For me there is no such thing. To think that I will ever be "Happy" forever after a certain event is a "Movie" or "Fairy Tale" way of thinking that doesn't work for me anymore.
I am married to an A who celebrated 4 yrs. sobriety on 2/7/07. The first 10 & 1/2 yrs of our marriage was very much in the active part of the disease of alcoholism/addiction. The first 15 months of his sobriety we were seperated. In April of 2004, after dating & working on our own seperate issues we decided to reconcile. Since that time these are a few of the things we have been thru . . .
he has lost 2 really, good jobs, death of several close family members, both of us have had surgeries, illness, his vehicle stolen, our daughter is battling addiction & gone thru rehab & since relapsed, given birth to another grandchild, lost custody of the baby & is pregnant again for an abusive boyfriend, our home was robbed, watched other daughters be abused by their boyfriends, survived Hurricane Rita, lived in Hurricane damaged house for over a year, almost financially broke again due to his gambling addiction, and just recently found out my AH has colon cancer.
But we have also experienced the the joys of 5 grandchildren, the friends that we have met thru the fellowship & support of the AA & Al-Anon programs, Purchased a new Double-Wide Manufactured Home thru SBA (Small Business Association-Disaster Assistant) Financing, both of us have been able to tell our recovery stories at Speaker meetings, and I have a relationship with the God of my understanding that gives me a inner peace that is beyond comprehension.
Do I have a "Happily Ever After" story? No not really - But my inner soul has a Happy, joyous & Free life no matter what the course of the world outside.
Hope this is the kind of stories you are looking for.
Wishing you peace,
Rita
For me there is no such thing. To think that I will ever be "Happy" forever after a certain event is a "Movie" or "Fairy Tale" way of thinking that doesn't work for me anymore.
I am married to an A who celebrated 4 yrs. sobriety on 2/7/07. The first 10 & 1/2 yrs of our marriage was very much in the active part of the disease of alcoholism/addiction. The first 15 months of his sobriety we were seperated. In April of 2004, after dating & working on our own seperate issues we decided to reconcile. Since that time these are a few of the things we have been thru . . .
he has lost 2 really, good jobs, death of several close family members, both of us have had surgeries, illness, his vehicle stolen, our daughter is battling addiction & gone thru rehab & since relapsed, given birth to another grandchild, lost custody of the baby & is pregnant again for an abusive boyfriend, our home was robbed, watched other daughters be abused by their boyfriends, survived Hurricane Rita, lived in Hurricane damaged house for over a year, almost financially broke again due to his gambling addiction, and just recently found out my AH has colon cancer.
But we have also experienced the the joys of 5 grandchildren, the friends that we have met thru the fellowship & support of the AA & Al-Anon programs, Purchased a new Double-Wide Manufactured Home thru SBA (Small Business Association-Disaster Assistant) Financing, both of us have been able to tell our recovery stories at Speaker meetings, and I have a relationship with the God of my understanding that gives me a inner peace that is beyond comprehension.
Do I have a "Happily Ever After" story? No not really - But my inner soul has a Happy, joyous & Free life no matter what the course of the world outside.
Hope this is the kind of stories you are looking for.
Wishing you peace,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by Japic05 
I have a relationship with the God of my understanding that gives me a inner peace that is beyond comprehension.
Good for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pasadena,Ca
Posts: 147
I don't know if there is such a thing as happily ever after, but there is definitely a happier than before. I am a recovering AW. The first few years of my marraige I was active in my disease. Last month we celebrated 15 years of marraige, 13 of which I have been sober. We have had some really rough times as neither of us was really sincerely working on any kind of active recovery. We are now, though, and, frankly, things seem to be harder than ever.
Having said that, I guess we both believe things could be better than they are and are finally willing to work for it. It hasn't all been bad, though. Some of the wonderful blessings we have enjoyed include two terrific children and, of course, sobriety.
Not everyone has to leave. Sometimes people stay together. Staying together doesn't mean happily ever after, though. It means dealing with life on life's terms - the good, the bad and the ugly. You know what? I am greatful to be present to experience all of them.
-K
Having said that, I guess we both believe things could be better than they are and are finally willing to work for it. It hasn't all been bad, though. Some of the wonderful blessings we have enjoyed include two terrific children and, of course, sobriety.
Not everyone has to leave. Sometimes people stay together. Staying together doesn't mean happily ever after, though. It means dealing with life on life's terms - the good, the bad and the ugly. You know what? I am greatful to be present to experience all of them.
-K
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Happily ever after...
Posts: 163
My dad was/is alcoholic, He and my mom divorced when I was very young. Took him awhile but, he eventually remarried and as far as I know has only relapsed a couple of times in 30+ years.
My grandmother, I think, not sure, my aunt would come home from school (my mother was away at college) and grandmother would be passed out on the couch with a bottle of booze. She went to some country club rehab. After that, every night she had 1 glass of Dubonet(sp) with a glass of ice on the side. until she died. She was so cute.
My grandmother, I think, not sure, my aunt would come home from school (my mother was away at college) and grandmother would be passed out on the couch with a bottle of booze. She went to some country club rehab. After that, every night she had 1 glass of Dubonet(sp) with a glass of ice on the side. until she died. She was so cute.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Originally Posted by socalgal
Not everyone has to leave. Sometimes people stay together. Staying together doesn't mean happily ever after, though. It means dealing with life on life's terms - the good, the bad and the ugly. You know what? I am greatful to be present to experience all of them.
-K
-K
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Hi,you say that there seems to be so much encouragement for those to get out.And this is where others opinions,seem to play more of a part,than what Al-anon is and isnt ,about.When you stick to our recovery program you will know that Al-anon is a recovery program for the family and friends of alcoholics,for their own recovery.One cannot play God in anothers life.Nor should we.When i first came to Al-anon,many folks told me, to leave my marriage.I knew to just stay away from their good opinions,and wanted to work on my recovery.I knew that their experiences didnt have to me mine too.No one knows Gods Plans for another,.
By Gods Grace,both myself and my hub are 40 years.Its deeper than happily ever after.Because its through Gods Grace,that changed both of us.One day at a time.Im in Al-anon/AA and hub is in AA.
By Gods Grace,both myself and my hub are 40 years.Its deeper than happily ever after.Because its through Gods Grace,that changed both of us.One day at a time.Im in Al-anon/AA and hub is in AA.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
Absolutely beautiful, Grasshopper. Thank you.
I would also like to add that there are many different kinds of alcoholics in many different levels of their addiction. Though my AH was a completely annoying tripping-over-his-own-feet drunk, he was not like many of the other A's posted about on this forum.
The decision to leave or stay is uniquely personal for each of us, based on our own individual circumstances. None of us should be faulted for making our decision either way. Ultimately, the most important thing is our safety, health and wellbeing. I think this is something we can ALL agree on.
God bless us, everyone.
I would also like to add that there are many different kinds of alcoholics in many different levels of their addiction. Though my AH was a completely annoying tripping-over-his-own-feet drunk, he was not like many of the other A's posted about on this forum.
The decision to leave or stay is uniquely personal for each of us, based on our own individual circumstances. None of us should be faulted for making our decision either way. Ultimately, the most important thing is our safety, health and wellbeing. I think this is something we can ALL agree on.
God bless us, everyone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Eau Claire
Posts: 7
Thanks for the replies everyone. I just want to say I don't expect a fairy tale or anything, I was just referring to salvaging my marriage and having a reasonably happy life...like regular people 
I guess I wanted to hear that my marriage wasn't automatically doomed because I married an alcoholic. It just seemed like a lot of spouses ended up having to leave.
I guess I wanted to hear that my marriage wasn't automatically doomed because I married an alcoholic. It just seemed like a lot of spouses ended up having to leave.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Pasadena,Ca
Posts: 147
Juana-be,
Thankfully, no, it doesn't have to be doomed. Only you will know what the right decision is. In my case it worked out. But, I know it could have ended very differently had I continued to drink. I am grateful for my personal situation and I pray that you come to find the answers in yours. There is more than one option. It is up to you to know and decide what is best for you.
Good luck on your journey.
-K
Thankfully, no, it doesn't have to be doomed. Only you will know what the right decision is. In my case it worked out. But, I know it could have ended very differently had I continued to drink. I am grateful for my personal situation and I pray that you come to find the answers in yours. There is more than one option. It is up to you to know and decide what is best for you.
Good luck on your journey.
-K
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