does this pass in time?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
does this pass in time?
during work hours, i was called to a guests room because of internet connection problems.
i knocked, he answered, identified myself and began to address the issue. then it hit me....the smell of alcohol.
i just shook it out of my head and proceeded correcting the connection problem. he was ok....nothing said or done out of ordinary.
he walked over to counter and refreshed his drink....and it all came flooding back....the sound of the ice, the sloshing of the whiskey into the glass, the lighting of the cigarette. and the stale smell of strong drinking. room reeked of alcohol.
and the panic attack hit me like a ton of bricks. had to leave immediately...told him i would send someone else.....lightheaded, sick, sweaty, all confused, and scared to death....this man did nothing wrong...just the smell and sounds of it all set me off.
came back into my office and thought i was gonna pass out stone cold.
i can't stand the sight, sound, or smell of alcohol.
certainly can't continue to over-react like this either. it's over and done with. he is out of my life. i never have to deal with it in my personal life again.
still get all funny feeling just thinking about being in that room with the smell.
have any of you ever done this......what did you do to get over it???
blessings
jeri
i knocked, he answered, identified myself and began to address the issue. then it hit me....the smell of alcohol.
i just shook it out of my head and proceeded correcting the connection problem. he was ok....nothing said or done out of ordinary.
he walked over to counter and refreshed his drink....and it all came flooding back....the sound of the ice, the sloshing of the whiskey into the glass, the lighting of the cigarette. and the stale smell of strong drinking. room reeked of alcohol.
and the panic attack hit me like a ton of bricks. had to leave immediately...told him i would send someone else.....lightheaded, sick, sweaty, all confused, and scared to death....this man did nothing wrong...just the smell and sounds of it all set me off.
came back into my office and thought i was gonna pass out stone cold.
i can't stand the sight, sound, or smell of alcohol.
certainly can't continue to over-react like this either. it's over and done with. he is out of my life. i never have to deal with it in my personal life again.
still get all funny feeling just thinking about being in that room with the smell.
have any of you ever done this......what did you do to get over it???
blessings
jeri
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
For me - the panic heart-racing feelings have calmed down a bit. They are still there as far as I notice things, my awareness is heightened in circumstances that cause me to remember old feelings, memories, etc.
But it is getting a little easier.
It wasn't too long ago that AH was out with my nephew and they ended up (supposedly) spending the night at the guy's they were visiting. However - when I first heard he'd been out all night (and my daughter had been at his house with him not home), I felt that same old panic feeling. I stopped myself to recognize just what that feeling was. It was odd really because I determined that the feelings I had were all feelings I associated with fear - but I can't for the life of me tell you what it was that I actually feared. It was interesting.
My point is - that for me, I still have the same reactions internally that I've always had in certain circumstances/situations - but they are getting a little easier to deal with. I believe that there will be a part of me that will always be affected by someone's alcohol usage - it's how I react as a whole that I try to keep focused on.
But it is getting a little easier.
It wasn't too long ago that AH was out with my nephew and they ended up (supposedly) spending the night at the guy's they were visiting. However - when I first heard he'd been out all night (and my daughter had been at his house with him not home), I felt that same old panic feeling. I stopped myself to recognize just what that feeling was. It was odd really because I determined that the feelings I had were all feelings I associated with fear - but I can't for the life of me tell you what it was that I actually feared. It was interesting.
My point is - that for me, I still have the same reactions internally that I've always had in certain circumstances/situations - but they are getting a little easier to deal with. I believe that there will be a part of me that will always be affected by someone's alcohol usage - it's how I react as a whole that I try to keep focused on.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
i see....
well, i know that feeling, cause i had one just while ago, like i explained.
i'm also not dealing with an alcoholic in my life any longer, either....however the leftovers are sure here.
blessings
jeri
well, i know that feeling, cause i had one just while ago, like i explained.
i'm also not dealing with an alcoholic in my life any longer, either....however the leftovers are sure here.
blessings
jeri
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I haven't experienced anything like that, but I've noticed that I avoid all activities that draw folks who like to drink. The last thing I need is to surround myself with folks who equate drinking with fun. I turn down invitations to happy hour, offers for a glass of wine or a beer, parties and events where alcohol is served.
And there is no alcohol in my home. Living with an alcoholic was a nightmare. It's caused way too much pain in my life. I don't have any use for alcohol or those that drink.
And there is no alcohol in my home. Living with an alcoholic was a nightmare. It's caused way too much pain in my life. I don't have any use for alcohol or those that drink.
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: northwestern montana
Posts: 19
In my socio-economic circle, everyone drinks...that doesn't bother me at all...but the sound of my AH opening the freezer to get out his chilled bottle of vodka, the pouring sound of it, and the clink of the ice cubes upsets me. It is not the fact that people drink..there are zillions out there that do and have no problem...it is the sound of the one A in my life pouring and re-pouring that gets me
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Location: southern indiana
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well, i understand mtmama....i used to do that with xah, too.
could just hear it and the tight squeezin would start in my chest and throat. i knew what was in store for me.
i've been at this for two years....trying to stay in recovery....i know it will be a lifetime change.
sometimes, it seems so much easier to slip back into the familiar, even tho it is not good for me, than to face the uncertainity of proceeding forward to happiness. uncharted territory.
jeri
could just hear it and the tight squeezin would start in my chest and throat. i knew what was in store for me.
i've been at this for two years....trying to stay in recovery....i know it will be a lifetime change.
sometimes, it seems so much easier to slip back into the familiar, even tho it is not good for me, than to face the uncertainity of proceeding forward to happiness. uncharted territory.
jeri
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Jeri
What you have described is post traumatic stress disorder. Youve been thru an alcoholic war, and the triggers brought back the memories and opened up the wounds.
Just like a vietnam vet relieves the nightmare of war when triggered with a car backfire, or gun shot noise.
Breathe.........deeply in and out...meditate, this will change your thinking in your mind back to where you are...safe, secure in today NOT back inthose days.
The mind is so fragile.....we need to treat it gently.
Hang in there, friend, it will pass, and yes, you will heal and this will not always be this way.
What you have described is post traumatic stress disorder. Youve been thru an alcoholic war, and the triggers brought back the memories and opened up the wounds.
Just like a vietnam vet relieves the nightmare of war when triggered with a car backfire, or gun shot noise.
Breathe.........deeply in and out...meditate, this will change your thinking in your mind back to where you are...safe, secure in today NOT back inthose days.
The mind is so fragile.....we need to treat it gently.
Hang in there, friend, it will pass, and yes, you will heal and this will not always be this way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
I agree with FOB..Sounds like PTSD.
I was diagnosed with PTSD from my childhood and the abuse that occurred there.
You may want to look into a therapist that does EMDR which is good for PTSD.
Today - I have no more symptoms of PTSD..those wounds have healed nicely...
I was diagnosed with PTSD from my childhood and the abuse that occurred there.
You may want to look into a therapist that does EMDR which is good for PTSD.
Today - I have no more symptoms of PTSD..those wounds have healed nicely...
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
it's a funky night for me....wish i didn't miss him so much. i still love him. i remember when he was ok.
it's one of those nights that i couldnt take care of a catepillar in a coffee can.
and intellectualy, i know, know, know.....all the reasons i should not feel like this....but i do.
i loved him so deeply.......how do you just turn that off?????????
jeri
it's one of those nights that i couldnt take care of a catepillar in a coffee can.
and intellectualy, i know, know, know.....all the reasons i should not feel like this....but i do.
i loved him so deeply.......how do you just turn that off?????????
jeri
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
we dont turn it off...if we did, we will still be sick. Thats what the alkie does, turn it off by drinking and numbing it away, which only makes it worse.
How do we deal with it?
We process the sh!t outta it. We say outloud "I HURT"..I miss him, I love him..and it hurts like a M$^#$^$#^(* FA&*%$@%.
We share that with others, sponsor, group, SR...and we lean on thier shoulders, cry it out til its done being out...for today. Its the process of letting go...its not the "Cut it out and be done with it". When we do that, it grows backs...like a fungus.
The key is to trust the process, follow the process, and dont quit til the miracle hits us.and oh, btw, God gave us the miracle of recovery, and he is not a half azz kinda God....he give it to us all the way....just wait...you'll get there
How do we deal with it?
We process the sh!t outta it. We say outloud "I HURT"..I miss him, I love him..and it hurts like a M$^#$^$#^(* FA&*%$@%.
We share that with others, sponsor, group, SR...and we lean on thier shoulders, cry it out til its done being out...for today. Its the process of letting go...its not the "Cut it out and be done with it". When we do that, it grows backs...like a fungus.
The key is to trust the process, follow the process, and dont quit til the miracle hits us.and oh, btw, God gave us the miracle of recovery, and he is not a half azz kinda God....he give it to us all the way....just wait...you'll get there
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
weekends always tought for me too..less structure, more time for the disease to creep itself in and play "Lets F* up Christina's head" tonight.
Im gonna tell that disease what I think of it in a minute....sonofabeatch.
Im gonna tell that disease what I think of it in a minute....sonofabeatch.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Weekends are rotten for me too.
Seems love never goes away. As Denny said once, we just love from a-far.
I try to keep good detective stories on hand for weekends, i never used to read non-fiction, but found detective stories helps. Love the ones with lots of humor. LV
Seems love never goes away. As Denny said once, we just love from a-far.
I try to keep good detective stories on hand for weekends, i never used to read non-fiction, but found detective stories helps. Love the ones with lots of humor. LV
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
I cringe anytime I meet someone new and they proudly talk about going to the bar or drinking with buddies.... Why brag about it? Is this a normal thing in the Non-Alcoholic lifestyles?
I totally understand what your feeling....I suppose these feelings will go away in time - I HOPE
I totally understand what your feeling....I suppose these feelings will go away in time - I HOPE
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hanging In There
Posts: 87
Although I am new to this site, it's very interesting that both here and alanon I find people have or are having the same issues as me. I feel truly blessed to have found this site and alanon because of the amount of support and feeling of belonging that I didn't have before.
Since my "rock bottom" happened in September I have been going to both AA and alanon meetings. At one AA meeting, I was sitting next to someone with a court ordered slip that reeked of alcohol. Did the same thing to me, the smell made me sick, immediately memories of that horrific last night came rushing to my mind, thought about leaving altogether - but I moved across the room to another chair. I also work with a heavy drinker - yuk!! I can't stand the smell.
Thanksgiving is coming and my AH will be still in treatment during the holidays. My very large and close family has been very supportive - even to my AH. They want me to come for Thanksgiving, my family does drink - but they are not alcoholics and drink both socially and responsibly. (unlike the in-laws) .
I have tried to tell them that right now, the memories are too painful and I don't want to be around large crowds or drinking. They offered to not serve alcohol on my behalf. I respect the fact that the issue of people drinking is my problem not theirs but I really don't want them to change their holiday to accomodate my feelings about bad memories of the AH and not being around people drinking right now.
I think they understand but I do feel really guilty for turning them down. I really do hope that these feelings do pass in time.
Since my "rock bottom" happened in September I have been going to both AA and alanon meetings. At one AA meeting, I was sitting next to someone with a court ordered slip that reeked of alcohol. Did the same thing to me, the smell made me sick, immediately memories of that horrific last night came rushing to my mind, thought about leaving altogether - but I moved across the room to another chair. I also work with a heavy drinker - yuk!! I can't stand the smell.
Thanksgiving is coming and my AH will be still in treatment during the holidays. My very large and close family has been very supportive - even to my AH. They want me to come for Thanksgiving, my family does drink - but they are not alcoholics and drink both socially and responsibly. (unlike the in-laws) .
I have tried to tell them that right now, the memories are too painful and I don't want to be around large crowds or drinking. They offered to not serve alcohol on my behalf. I respect the fact that the issue of people drinking is my problem not theirs but I really don't want them to change their holiday to accomodate my feelings about bad memories of the AH and not being around people drinking right now.
I think they understand but I do feel really guilty for turning them down. I really do hope that these feelings do pass in time.
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