DesertEyes

Hey Jeri,

I do _not_ turn off the love I have for my ex. I find that my ability to love as deeply as I due is a virtue, and one that I cherish. I find that there is nothing wrong with missing the woman I married, and loved for 20 years. What I have to turn _on_ is my ability to move forward thru the grief of having lost that marriage. This is how I workd the "three A's" of recovery.

I am Aware that I feel deep love for the woman I married, and deep pain for her having changed into an addict.

I Accept that she is no longer the woman she was, and that my marriage is over.

I take Action to help me heal from that pain. Specifically, I keep myself busy with health, positive activities. I go to lots of meetings, call a lot of people from the programs, take care of my health issues with physical therapy, take myself out to lunch and take a good book with me, spend a little time at the bookstore or museum, keep my apartment neat and clean. I focused only on the day ahead of me, and many time just an hour ahead was the best I could manage.

It's taken me awhile, mostly cuz I'm a slow learner and I got _very_ entangled in my codie-itis. Your mileage may vary. Today I can look back at all the good times I had with my wife and cherish those memories, they no longer bring me pain. I am grateful for having had such a wonderful marriage for so long, and am looking forward to finding another soul-mate and doing it again. I'm even trying to date again, although I'm stumbling and fumbling around with that I'm making good progress. I'm seeing a charming young pixie and _liking_ it.

Recovery does work, and it works wonderfuly well. You just hang on to your HP and to your friends from real life meets and you'll come thru just like the rest of us have.

Mike

mallowcup

Well if I got shot, I wouldn't be too keen on guns being around. My aunt hit a little kid who ran out in frnt of her car. It wasn't her fault but she is haunted with the sound of it. I think it is normal, not abnormal to feel the way you do. There is some logic to it. If I got attacked in a dark alley, I will avoid the dark alley. Alcohol is poison. I think your anxiety will lessen in time as you realzie you can remove yourself. I have no intention of ever drinking again, it makes me sick, I hate the sight of it, the smell of it and the excuses that come with it. One important thing is that I don't think you ever have to find a comfort zone with it. I refuse to. If it bothers me, I leave.

FriendofBill

Hey dayxday -

No guilts hun..what your doing by not going is called:

Taking care of yourself!

Would you to the home of someone who has leprosy?

Prob not, its highly contagious and you would get sick.

If the triggers of being around alcohol are going to make you emotinally sick, then you simply dont go.

See how that works...this doing the right thing for ourselves? Pretty neat, huh?