Ok Mg
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: new mexico
Posts: 242
Ok Mg
Now, If you havnt taken your meds. Its bedtime, take them now.I am here to remind you.
Im not on meds as you know. Ive been going 100 miles an hour for a week. I cleaned the lab at work, I cleaned Mels office, I reorganizes our stock room. Im so caught up at work its not even funny anymore. I cant stop moving. Im a raving , moving, maniac at work.
How come sometimes Im so tired I feel overwhelmed at my job, and yet now I cant stop?
It makes me stop and think about the person I am. I understand mood swings but this is beyond normal.
I will be seeing Jared this weekend. I am angry about a couple of things, one being he lost his winter coat about three weeks ago. That coat cost me 100.00 dollars. Their indeference to things like this makes me angry. His name is written on the coat so where is it?????
Crying alot but its better than feeling nothing and sick on the effexor.
Nervous about the trip as you know. Im more afraid of myself.
If I start crying again all night I will feel like death. (that is not a suicide remark). Im not strong enought to do it anymore.(that was not another suicide remark) I am so
overlyeducated on mental illness, I am now wondering if I may be bipolar. Not the extremes like Ive seen but something.
Blessing to you,
Love , Sidney
Im not on meds as you know. Ive been going 100 miles an hour for a week. I cleaned the lab at work, I cleaned Mels office, I reorganizes our stock room. Im so caught up at work its not even funny anymore. I cant stop moving. Im a raving , moving, maniac at work.
How come sometimes Im so tired I feel overwhelmed at my job, and yet now I cant stop?
It makes me stop and think about the person I am. I understand mood swings but this is beyond normal.
I will be seeing Jared this weekend. I am angry about a couple of things, one being he lost his winter coat about three weeks ago. That coat cost me 100.00 dollars. Their indeference to things like this makes me angry. His name is written on the coat so where is it?????
Crying alot but its better than feeling nothing and sick on the effexor.
Nervous about the trip as you know. Im more afraid of myself.
If I start crying again all night I will feel like death. (that is not a suicide remark). Im not strong enought to do it anymore.(that was not another suicide remark) I am so
overlyeducated on mental illness, I am now wondering if I may be bipolar. Not the extremes like Ive seen but something.
Blessing to you,
Love , Sidney
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Thank you Sidney,
I'll go take them.
I wish you would come to my house and clean. I would keep you laughing while you were cleaning
Maybe you're having anxiety because your off the medication. I can't stop moving when I'm anxious. I also go through a nesting instinct when I'm going to leave home. That could be it too.
You better get Jared some clothes from Walmart while he is in there. Doesn't sound good.
Hugs,
MG
I'll go take them.
I wish you would come to my house and clean. I would keep you laughing while you were cleaning
Maybe you're having anxiety because your off the medication. I can't stop moving when I'm anxious. I also go through a nesting instinct when I'm going to leave home. That could be it too.
You better get Jared some clothes from Walmart while he is in there. Doesn't sound good.
Hugs,
MG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: new mexico
Posts: 242
MG, I am a beautiful woman.
I know its late but as usual, I cant sleep and I actually want to be really tired tomorrow for the flight, I want to dose on the airplane. That way I wont be so afraid. I havnt taken meds in a couple of weeks but I will take a klonipin for the flight.
Oh, by the way did you take your meds????? Im here to mother and nag you.
I spent a couple of hours getting family pictures together and laminating them for Jared. I dont know the rules in TEXAS but here things had to be laminated. I just use clear shelf paper.
I found out the perfect solution for the coat problem. I will give him mine. His was from Target, I dont go to malls. Winter coats , when I bought his, are always expensive. I felt like I was getting a deal at the time. It was even on sale. I shop at walmart all the time. But on that day , I was in Target with Jared and I just wanted to survive the trip with him in a store. He did well. We were in and out. Usually when I shop with Jared for clothes, which is rare , I dont even look at the price tag. I buy all his regular clothes without him. I only take him for shoes and a special event like a coat. It was his first. He always got Erics old ones, which were still in good shape. But it reached the point where Jared was bigger than Eric, but you should see Eric now. I have to look up to him and hes been working out and also loving school at the college. Damn, there are some blessings.
You know why I said I am a beautiful woman because I know I am. Im about 10 pounds overweight , which is okay. Im saving up for the next trama. My hair is now down to my waist. I think I said that because my daughter looks at me sometimes like Im a freak. I made a small braid behind my ear and I found a piece of a peacock feather at work and put in the braid. I felt really good about it until she looked at me. But you know what ?
It is really pretty so I dont give a rats ass what she thinks. It is just a very small piece but the colors are beautiful. Its not liike I had this huge feather sticking out of my head.
I know Im rambling but Im nervous about my trip. I couldnt stop crying (once again) this morning and for awhile I coulnt figure out my feelings but it finally dawned on me. Im afraid to see my child and then leave.
I am a white woman and my best friend is a black man who trains race horses. He called me when I was crying. Ive never cried around him. Oh my God, but he is the sexiest man Ive ever met. I think its the way he is with horses and how when I lived in the mountains he taught me and Eric all about them. I am not his lover, just his friend but he makes me feel sooo good. Im holding back. Ive known him for six years. If I shared my body with him I would absolutly loose myself. He is tall and very lean from riding horses all day long. But the best thing about him is that he loves life. He thanks God every day for his life. He prays for Jared. He understands. And yet I have a boyfriend. Im too old for boyfriends. I dont even take the boyfriend serously, I dont even love him. See Sidney ramble and ramble and ramble, and then see some very good things in her life. What would I do If I didnt have you to talk to and open my eyes to things? You help me open my own eyes and you dont even know it. But you are a solid friend. I would love to meet you in real life someday.
Blessings and Love and Hugs. I wont be her tomorrow to remind to take your meds (like you really do listen to me, your probably just pretending, but thats ok.)
Sidney
Oh, by the way did you take your meds????? Im here to mother and nag you.
I spent a couple of hours getting family pictures together and laminating them for Jared. I dont know the rules in TEXAS but here things had to be laminated. I just use clear shelf paper.
I found out the perfect solution for the coat problem. I will give him mine. His was from Target, I dont go to malls. Winter coats , when I bought his, are always expensive. I felt like I was getting a deal at the time. It was even on sale. I shop at walmart all the time. But on that day , I was in Target with Jared and I just wanted to survive the trip with him in a store. He did well. We were in and out. Usually when I shop with Jared for clothes, which is rare , I dont even look at the price tag. I buy all his regular clothes without him. I only take him for shoes and a special event like a coat. It was his first. He always got Erics old ones, which were still in good shape. But it reached the point where Jared was bigger than Eric, but you should see Eric now. I have to look up to him and hes been working out and also loving school at the college. Damn, there are some blessings.
You know why I said I am a beautiful woman because I know I am. Im about 10 pounds overweight , which is okay. Im saving up for the next trama. My hair is now down to my waist. I think I said that because my daughter looks at me sometimes like Im a freak. I made a small braid behind my ear and I found a piece of a peacock feather at work and put in the braid. I felt really good about it until she looked at me. But you know what ?
It is really pretty so I dont give a rats ass what she thinks. It is just a very small piece but the colors are beautiful. Its not liike I had this huge feather sticking out of my head.
I know Im rambling but Im nervous about my trip. I couldnt stop crying (once again) this morning and for awhile I coulnt figure out my feelings but it finally dawned on me. Im afraid to see my child and then leave.
I am a white woman and my best friend is a black man who trains race horses. He called me when I was crying. Ive never cried around him. Oh my God, but he is the sexiest man Ive ever met. I think its the way he is with horses and how when I lived in the mountains he taught me and Eric all about them. I am not his lover, just his friend but he makes me feel sooo good. Im holding back. Ive known him for six years. If I shared my body with him I would absolutly loose myself. He is tall and very lean from riding horses all day long. But the best thing about him is that he loves life. He thanks God every day for his life. He prays for Jared. He understands. And yet I have a boyfriend. Im too old for boyfriends. I dont even take the boyfriend serously, I dont even love him. See Sidney ramble and ramble and ramble, and then see some very good things in her life. What would I do If I didnt have you to talk to and open my eyes to things? You help me open my own eyes and you dont even know it. But you are a solid friend. I would love to meet you in real life someday.
Blessings and Love and Hugs. I wont be her tomorrow to remind to take your meds (like you really do listen to me, your probably just pretending, but thats ok.)
Sidney
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I do listen I've been taking them when you tell me too.
So what is keeping you from the horse trainer hmmm?
And why do you have a boyfriend you don't love?
And you are not too old for a boy friend.
I think the braid and the feather look good on you.
I see a little spark of life there that I haven't seen before. Good for you.
Hugs,
MG
I've been taking them when you tell me too.So what is keeping you from the horse trainer hmmm?
And why do you have a boyfriend you don't love?
And you are not too old for a boy friend.
I think the braid and the feather look good on you.
I see a little spark of life there that I haven't seen before. Good for you.Hugs,
MG
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: new mexico
Posts: 242
silly girl
MG,
I didnt expect a response from you tonight. I figured you were probably in bed by now, like most normal people. I cant sleep. Im packing. Im only going to take a backpack.
You make me laugh. Dont ask why, just accept that you do.
I am having feelings. (can you tell???????)
sidney
I didnt expect a response from you tonight. I figured you were probably in bed by now, like most normal people. I cant sleep. Im packing. Im only going to take a backpack.
You make me laugh. Dont ask why, just accept that you do.
I am having feelings. (can you tell???????)
sidney
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Posts: n/a
Yes and I think it's great.
I guess you should be on guard. I know when those feelings we've surpressed for so long come poping up it's best to think it through before acting.
Take care of yourself this weekend. Do not let guilt get to you when you have to leave. You are a good mother and this is the best thing for Jared right now.
No guilt allowed.
Hugs,
MG
I guess you should be on guard. I know when those feelings we've surpressed for so long come poping up it's best to think it through before acting.
Take care of yourself this weekend. Do not let guilt get to you when you have to leave. You are a good mother and this is the best thing for Jared right now.
No guilt allowed.
Hugs,
MG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: new mexico
Posts: 242
Passion
He has a passion for life and he loves the woman. Oh my God. What would happened to me if I felt passion and love again??????????????????????? What would happen to me if I left my safe place?
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love
He loves me but he loves life. He loves horses , he loves the snow, he loves the sunset , he loves the earth, he loves the sky, he loves the rain, he loves the mountains he LOVES. He is full of life. He is too big in spirit for me. How can someone love life so much? He loves everyday. Whats wrong with him?
Me
Me
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Thread Starter
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Location: new mexico
Posts: 242
wow back
I dont need him.
I just want to be like him. I want to love life.
Goodnight, be a good girl and take your meds tomorrow night . I hope your feeling better. I have been a bit self centered tonight.
Sidney
I still like my damn braid with the feather in it.
I just want to be like him. I want to love life.
Goodnight, be a good girl and take your meds tomorrow night . I hope your feeling better. I have been a bit self centered tonight.
Sidney
I still like my damn braid with the feather in it.
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