Morning Glory

Share your coping methods. Most of us on the boards have gone through some really tough emotions and situations. How do you cope? We don't all cope the same. If we share our methods we may help others learn some coping methods and help each other.

Josie

M.G.,
I wanted you to go first
I stay here on the boards, and know I'm
not alone.
Say a prayer to give me strength, and ask
him to take my fear away.
Reading recovery books, there is always
something right there that is speaking
specifically about how I'm feeling.
Something constructive, as simple as
washing the car, or raking leaves and
getting outside.
I like to color LOL-I bought the kids
new color books and crayons, and I color
more than they do. It relaxes me.
Spending time with the kids-I forget
everything.
Talking to my sister.
Renting a good movie-if I feel I can
concentrate.
It really helps when I get to work-I have
to focus on my job.
Buying myself something.
Listening to a friend vent.
If I'm really panicking and stressed, and
can't stop obsessing-I take half a xanax.

Hugs,

Morning Glory

Josie,

I love to color. Are we twins? I don't like anyone to use my colors either. They break them and flatten the point, lol.

I remember the first coping method I learned is that you can feel a whole lot of emotional pain and it won't kill you to feel it. Eventually I learned that God is in control of all my circumstances and nothing gets by Him. I know He will get me through.

When everything starts piling up on me I just ask Him what He is doing now. Sure enough it always ends up being something that He teaches me through the trial. It seems that as soon as I learn it the trial ends and I usually get some rest before the next one starts. It didn't used to be that way though. I remember not getting much rest between trials. Life was one big huge trial. Each time it seems that I let go of some false security and stood more on my own two feet. I'll be flying soon with no attachments to hold me down. :p

Hugs,
MG

Lefty81

You would think that after 34 yrs. I would have learned to cope ....NOT!!
I still haven't learned the fine art of coping. I can't concentrate long enough to read self-help recovery books, I can't sit still long enough to relax, I can't stand to listen to soft music.....I am realy bad......
I was supposed to be referred to two different psychiatrists a couple of weeks ago and I am still waiting on the appointments.....ptsd sucks big time.....there is no end to it.......none

Live

That time honored phrase: This, too, shall pass.

Whatever I am feeling, or going through, I know that it is temporary

That is a passive attitude, tho'

So, for assertive action,

I take my meds and go to the gym....I walk a mile as fast as I can and then lift weights

I read alot of books.

Information is power.

Morning Glory

Lefty,

There is an end to it, at least a level that is livable. I'm really hoping that an antidepressant will help you. I hope you get in to see the doctor soon.

I have a whole series of PTSD tapes that I haven't had a chance to listen to yet. When I do I'll share the information with everyone.

Hugs,
MG

Josie

Lefty,
I have a really hard time coping also.
I have to force myself to do things, and lately all I do is make it to work. I am so anxiety ridden that I am clenching my jaw all day. Last week I had stress knots in my neck and shoulders, and could barely move. Any little noise-I jump out of my
skin or feel irritated. I know medication and therapy is the only answer for me, I can't do this alone anymore-and I don't know why I am so resistant to it.
I had a good cry today which always helps.
Too bad I can't do it more often, my
emotions build up over a period of months,
and then I finally snap.

Hugs,

Morning Glory

Josie,

The antidepressants took the knots out of my neck and shoulders. I think I still clench my jaw when I sleep though. I'm not as startled by noise either. It's not a happy pill though. I still have my lifetime depression nothing to look forward to mood.

I'm so glad I have these boards and all of you as friends. How wonderful it is to be able to share all of this. I've held it all in for many many years.

Hugs,
MG

Josie

M.G.,
You don't even know how many times I
have posted here and deleted. I have
been dealing with this for 25 years, and
I didn't know there was a name for it.
I just knew I was very sick and very
depressed. I had a nervous breakdown
when I was 23, and I didn't come out of
it for 2 years. I was a walking zombie,
I don't remember how I took care of my
son. I began to function eventually and went to work, but I have never been the same. I have been in denial all these years, and refused to get honest-and
more than anything-ASHAMED. Who would
understand. I'm tired of feeling bad about
myself-I have made so many mistakes in
my life and I just want to forgive myself
and know that God forgives me too. I
wish I didn't take myself so seriously.
I think of myself as complicated.

Hugs,

Morning Glory

Josie,

I too had a nervous breakdown at 23 and I didn't come out of it for a long time either. Your life is so much like mine. We've been through so much of the same things. I am learning to forgive myself. I wish I could go back and change it all, but I can't. I've had PTSD all those years too and didn't know what I had. I used to call it brain leak, lol.

I think you're wonderful. It's time to forgive yourself. Holding onto guilt is not what God wants. He is offering grace to you. A pardon you might say. You can go free now.

Hugs,
MG

Josie

Thanks MG.,
I really appreciate you. Our lives amaze
me too.
My goal is to make peace with myself and God.

Hugs,

Lefty81

I cannot for the life of me understand why I am so reluctant to get professional help. I did go to a medical doctor twice now and admit that I needed professional help. The first referral to a psychiatrist garnered me 5 sessions of me sitting there crying and blowing my nose and her insisting that I take paxil and sleeping pills. She convinced me that ptsd actually causes chemical imbalances in the brain and medication is needed to fix that.
I stopped the sessions after 5 months because she wasn't offering anything in the way of therapy and I hated the side effects of the meds. She couldn't tell me anything about how to stop feeling the way I was feeling.
Then, after controlling my friend and subsequently being dumped by her, I came to this board and started to feel better and safe again.
I still realized that I needed professional help, so I, again, went to the doctor and asked for a referral to a psychiatrist. I would rather see a psychotherapist but there aren't any around here.
Anyway, that was two weeks ago, no referral has been made and no appointments are on the horizon.
I have stopped obsessing and driving myself nuts about not having my friend to confide in and now, I find myself thinking.......that I shouldn't have bothered asking to be referred.
I don't know if I figure that I have lived like this for so long, that nobody can help me or if I feel that I have to continue to pay pennance for what I did.
Anyway, I still can't get my head around taking medication. Rightly or wrongly, I am sorry to say that I see taking medication as a sign of weakness....I shouldn't have an easy way out of this.
Sorry to ramble on and on.....just wrestling with my own demons, I guess.....
I don't talk to my husband about any of this and now with my friend pretty much gone, this board is all I have.
The last time I saw the psychiatrist, my husband thought I was gone shopping each time I made the hour long drive to see the doctor. I refuse to tell him anything that is going on with me.
I don't read, meditate, take long walks, try to relax, listen to soft music....I don't do ay of those things.....
Am I a kamakazi or what?? Why can't I help myself instead of enduring this horrible life feeling so damned guilty?

Morning Glory

Lefty,

There is an answer. You just don't know it yet. We can do this without medication. I did it. I'm trying the medication because I want to. You don't have to.

I think the key for you might be acceptance. Guilt is a way for us at times to avoid acceptance. This horrible thing happened to you and you can't change it. You will never be able to change it. All the guilt in the world won't change it. You have to accept it. You have to accept that this accident caused a death. You lived and the child didn't. I remember seeing an accident on the news one day. The mother kept screaming "It should have been me that died. He had his whole life ahead of him." She was talking about her son whom had just been killed in the accident. She had a instant case of survivors guilt.

My husband commited suicide. I am sure that my actions contributed to his pain. I felt guilty for years. There is nothing worse than thinking you caused someones death. I took responsibility for my part in it and have accepted that I was wrong. Then we need to take the whole thing to our HP and surrender it to him.

Facts aren't important here either. We can hear the facts a million times and it still won't change our guilt. A million people could tell me I wasn't responsible, but the guilt still remained. I had to come to grips with the part that I knew I was responsible for.

There is something about your accident that you haven't faced yet. There is something you won't accept. When you find out what it is and accept it you will be able to move on. Ask your HP to help you see it.

Hugs,
MG

Lefty81

as I sit here with teardrop stains on my sweatshirt, I find comfort in the fact that I can always count on you for a response to my posts.
You are such a comfort.....I have been struggling with this ptsd as long as you have......it seems to me that you have begun your healing process but i haven't reached that point yet.....I went you, to the bar, was feeling neglected and unloved, drank too many beers, will hate myself in the morning........it doesn't solve anything, I know but it helps numb the feelings and the pain......I hate my life, I really do.......

Morning Glory

Lefty,

It sounds like there is more going on within you than the accident. I think maybe a lot of your pain comes from other things. The accident may be where you've placed the pain, but maybe there are other reasons.

There is an answer and a way out. You just haven't found it yet. You will though. I suffered for 20 years and when I exhausted all my resources my HP started showing me what it was all about. I spent 5 years remembering and facing the issues that were causing my pain and guilt. My HP isn't finished with me yet, but I lost thousands of pounds of pain.

There is so much hope. I never in a million years thought I would get better, but I did. You can too.

Keep sharing how you feel. Talk about anything. It's safe here to let it all out.

Hugs,
MG

Lefty81

Mg.......
There is nothing else really going on in my life except the doom and gloom that goes with this chronic ptsd.
Nothing, I mean, nothing ever makes me happy.
Well, except when I can go golfing everyday in the summer, but then I feel overwhelming guilt for having actually enjoyed myself.
I have been invited down to Florida to golf with a friend of mine during the first week of April. I will probably go but am reluctant. Firstly, because of guilt and secondly because if I am there, I can't control and look after things at home. I feel that I have to be here, looking after everything or it will surely meet with disaster.....Stupid, eh?
My kids are all nearly adults but all live at home.....I am sure they can all get along quite nicely without me but I know I will worry and fret the whole time I am away.

Morning Glory

I know what you mean about the kids. I remember when my kids were about that age. My girlfriend invited me over. The power was out and I had candles lit. I told her I couldn't come because the kids would burn the house down. She just kept telling me that they were old enough and it would be ok. I went and I get the call. The bathroom was on fire. They managed to put it out.

I'm going to see what I can find on survivors guilt and I'll post it when I find it. I won't have time today, but will look as soon as I can.

Hugs,
MG

sweet

1. I breathe
2. Remember its not about me its about them and breathe
3. It really is none of my business what you think of me and breathe.
4. Go to the bathroom and pray(if at work) and breathe.
5. Listen to some meditative music and breathe.
6. Light some candles and breathe.
7. Talk to a friend and breathe.
8. Cry(tears heal us) and breathe.
9. Take care of me and breathe.
10. Express myself with art and breathe.

Sweet

Morning Glory

Hi Sweet,

It's good to see you. Thanks for the suggestions. I forget to breathe sometimes.

Lefty, I did look for a survivors guilt page and there just isn't anything that I've found yet.

Hugs,
MG