DolphinBlue

Hi,

well, I have just been obsessing about something lately and want to get some advice. I thought I would ask you as you seem to know a bit about all of this.

I complained to a counsellor/nurse of anxiety and obsessive, circular thinking that was basically running my life. When this happens, I could have acheived many things that I should be proud of, but I just want to sabotage myself. In fact, the bigger the achievement, the more I sabotage with hateful self-talk. She suggested I ask my doctor for a prescription for Zoloft. I sometimes think I can work on my self-esteem without it.

This doesn't happen all of the time though and I also feel great at times (a little too great), anxious at other times and occassionally depressed. Well, right now I am unmotivated/tired all of the time and can't help thinking this is a symptom of depression.

Anyway, it's so hard for me to let my doctor or anyone else know how I'm feeling because it changes so much. My doctor prescribed the Zoloft for me but only because I asked, apparently he didn't particularly think I needed it. He says that I MAY have Dysthymic Disorder and to find out I can see a psychiatrist. Apparently, this disorder does not respond well to medication but can be dealt with by learning skills to cope. He left the decision up to me (whether or not I should continue with Zoloft). Well, that's just about the worst thing I could have heard, I can't decided which socks to wear. My sponsor and counsellor also agree with my doctor and I'm sick of having this play on my mind all of the time.

I realise that no-one here can advise me on what medications to take, but I really would like to make a more informed decision. No-one seems to be able to tell me what is wrong with me, whether it's alcohol/drug induced or not. Even if I did see a psychiatrist, I don't think I would rely on the results as I have heard that many people go through this confusion in early sobriety. I wonder if many people are put on medications when they really are just adjusting to 'normal' life and going through a rough patch. But then again maybe it's wise to make life easier at this time. I know that many people need medication, I just wonder if there's any way I can tell the difference between needing it and being able to cope without.

This is day 13 of taking Zoloft. I am staying on a low dose of 25mg until I decide what to do. Silly, I know. I am scared that I will turn into a zombie, become emotionally addicted (if that makes sense) and lose it when I decide to come off them. But maybe I need them, maybe it will make my early recovery easier...I just don't know. I have been feeling physically, emotionally and mentally flat for a couple of weeks but with a lot less anxiety and less panicky. Not sure if this is because of the Zoloft or not.

Thanks

Amy

Morning Glory

Amy,

I went through years of severe anxiety and panic attacks and conquered it all without medication. The part that I couldn't conquer was the circle thinking you speak of and the possible Dysthymic Disorder. I started a few months ago by taking prozac. It really helped with the negative obsessive thoughts I was having. It did not do a lot for the depression, but gave me more energy to at least function normally. It also helped with the self hatred and shame attacks. I went off of it because it was a little to overwhelming for me at times. I started the zoloft last week. I did notice a little bit of a flat feeling with the prozac as if it took my ability to care away. I am also unable to filter out anything that goes on around me. I'm aware of every sound and everyones mood and just everything. It just overwhelms me. The prozac also helped with that so I wasn't as grumpy and irritable.

My theory is that I can't work on it if it's that bad. I'm hoping that the antidepressant will give me enough of a break to allow me to work on the negative and replace it with the positive. I don't plan on staying on the medication forever, but I don't think it would bother me if I did.

I would suggest taking it until it's working the way it's supposed to and see if it helps. Let it take the edge off enough to give you time to input some positive. I'm not sure why your sabotaging. Let me know how you're doing. I'll do the same for you when my zoloft kicks in a little better.

Hugs,
MG

DolphinBlue

Morning Glory,

thanks for the reply, I am glad that we can relate on this. It was a big relief just to purge it all, let alone know that you're in a similar situation.

Well, if you can go through what you did and still have trouble with the negative thinking, then I guess that's proof of how controlling it can be. I've started taking the proper dose so I'll wait and see how it goes. It scares me to know that I'll be reliant on yet another drug and that I might dumb down, go numb and 'run away' from my problems. I am not sure how I can settle those fears, if it's possible at all.

"I did notice a little bit of a flat feeling with the prozac as if it took my ability to care away. I am also unable to filter out anything that goes on around me. I'm aware of every sound and everyones mood and just everything. It just overwhelms me."

Wow, that's how I feel most of the time. It's frustrating, being so sensitive to everything yet emotionally detached. Being 'cold' is horrible, I feel lonely and mean-spirited, but I know that I'm not...just strange.

Anyway, it is worth seeing if it can help with the negative noise, I might have more of a chance to address the problem and work with a solution. The sabotaging is a mystery to me, but it's like I don't believe that I deserve happiness or success. I'm working on it.

I will let you know how it goes and I'm really interested to hear how you go.

Thanks again

Amy

Live

It ususually takes a few weeks before your body adjusts and things level out...so give it time...if it isn't right, talk to your DR, everyone responds a little differently.

I have been on several anti-depressants etc and it is a process of trial and error to find what works best for you...we are all individuals and respond differently.

Best wishes!

live

DolphinBlue

Ok, I was getting sick of the highs and lows and just wanted a nice even somewhere in the middle. Now that I've got it, I kinda miss my craziness (adrenaline junkie?). I don't miss the anxiety and circular thinking, but I do miss the excitement and creative thinking. I don't seem to think much anymore. I am boring even myself lol but as my counsellor says, now may be a good time to pull my head out of my *** and take a look at the real world.

So, I have been assigned a number of little things to do which I haven't done but it's starting to look like it'll be easier to just do them. One is that I have to write down all of the negative thoughts I have this week. I figure that if I note what I need to do here, I may actually do it. I am quite excited to see if I can change this negative thinking, over time of course.

Thanks for your support.

Morning Glory

Amy,

You've got your work cut out for you. I have such a hard time recognizing my negative thoughts. It's like I have thoughts without words if that makes sense. I know I have negative emotions, but it's hard to put words to the thought that causes them. I've gotten so good at the negative that it's on auto pilot. Let me know how you do with it. I have tapes here that say to do the same thing.

I've done really well at decreasing my worry though. That's real progress for me.

Hugs,
MG

DolphinBlue

Hi MG,

hard time recognising thoughts...what an understatement for me. I just couldn't write them all down anyway! What this little exercise has made me realise so far is that I'm pretty much negative all of the time and it's only really when I make a conscious effort that I think positively. Lots of work to be done but I'm looking forward to it. Strange thing is, I keep putting it off too.

How are you going with the Zoloft? I think we started at about the same time. I'm still pretty flat, but not sure if that's because of the medication or not. I'll go back to my doc and see what he thinks.

Thanks for your help and interest.

Amy

Morning Glory

Hi Amy,

I had to stop taking the zoloft. It was making me vomit every time I took it. I haven't talked to the doctor yet, but I think I'll just go back on the Prozac.

I need something. I've been so grumpy and stressed that I can hardly speak. I need to do it for the sake of others in my life.

There is no reason for me to feel like this other than this darn PTSD. Maybe one day I'll get it all figured out.

It's an abby normal brain.

Hugs,
MG

DolphinBlue

Hi MG,

sorry to hear it didn't work out for you, a friend said the same thing happened to her with Zoloft, the first one she had made her violently ill. She's on a different one now and says it's working for her. I hope you find something that works for you.

In the meantime, your nickname can be "Abby" hehe my brain tells me all the time that I'm not normal but seeing as I still haven't worked out what normal is, I haven't been able to argue much with it over that one!

Anyway, all the best.

Amy

Morning Glory

Thanks Amy,

All though it is trying at times I actually enjoy being abnormal. I think it's more fun.

Well, sometimes it's embarassing like when you drive through a fast food restaurant and get your change and drive away with out your food.

It doesn't get much crazier than that though and my daughter likes to listen to my amuzing stories.

You sound like your doing well now and I'm happy for that.

Hugs,
MG

ElvenJewelFree

Amy, (and BTW, my real name is Amy too!) if you're uncomfortable with psych meds for your problems, there are natural alternatives you can investigate. Here's a website to check out:

http://www.alternativementalhealth.com/

With dysthymia, which is what I had before my problems became full blown mental illnesses of bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder, you can treat it with either mild medication or maybe some of the things suggested on the website. Either way, I wish you well in figuring out what you need and obtaining it!

DolphinBlue

Hey thanks, Amy. I'm sticking with the medication for now but always interested in reading about alternatives...I don't want to be on these forever if I don't need to be.

Morning Glory...Abby...hope you're doing ok. I agree totally about the abnormal part, I laugh the hardest over the silly things I and others do.

I am better thanks, generally anyway.

Amy