BhappyBfun

I'm 32 years old now and have been doing drugs and drinking alcohol since I was 13. I've always been the kind of person that takes it to the extreme, more than anyone else. I've been able to manage to build a great career (even though I did it drinking everyday), but at the same time I've managed to ruin every single relationship in my life because I push them away.

Now a days, I can't even hold a job when I was making 65K annually can live alone, so I moved in with my father to get sober. Now I'm drinking Steel Reserve lately (because I can't drink hard liquor or he goes and sleeps at a friends house). My attempts at AA have been sorry at best, and I keep failing. I'm scared, as soon as I sober up for a few days I lock myself in my bedroom and put the blanket over my head, then start having violent panic attacks, thinking about the people I've hurt and how I'm feeling hopeless... And it keeps getting worse. I'm scared to go outside and the only thing that gives me solace is grabbing a drink, my bathroom with alcohol calms me down.

Does anyone have a suggestion that knows how I'm feeling or have a similar background to help break this cycle?

Astro

Welcome, I'm glad you've joined us and I hope you find the information and support you need here.

Help break the cycle? Well, you've already described what the cycle is and what your attempts have been so you probably know that in order to break it you might want to try staying sober and working an honest program of recovery. It doesn't have to be AA, you can decide what works for you.

Your description of wanting to isolate will sound familiar to many of us, and I've made 65k per year or more when I was drinking and after I got sober. Now I'm making less than 35k. Money means very little to me anymore other than a way to provide for my family. But one thing I know without a doubt is that if I go back to drinking I will probably lose everything I have, and it's just not worth it.

Take a look around this site and please check out the Newcomer's area, I'm sure you can find some shares to relate to.

GnikNus

Once you get enough sobriety, the anxiety will eventually go away. Many of us here faced the same thing you are going through.
The anxiety attacks that I got during the end of my drinking years were in large part what convinced me I needed to quit.

You didn't mention how much you are drinking- which, if it's a heavy enough intake, would require medically supervised detox to stave off potentially life threatening seizures.

Stay close to SR. It's helped many of us quit and stay quit.

Dee74

Hi and welcome BhappyBfun

Like others have said many of us suffered from anxiety when quitting, or not drinking. It's very common and most find that things improve in a little while, especially if the anxiety was not a pre existing issue.

If your anxiety is that debilitating maybe seeing a Dr could help?

D

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you

lifenomad

I was like you (im 33 now) but drank daily a few years, I drank daily for a little over 7 years Budweiser only. for a few months tho it was at least (3) or more 24oz each evening of steel reserve or high gravity every night. That stuff is pretty hardcore!

I haven't drank in a while. Panic attacks were bad and anxiety was bad, but the hangovers were worse. I think the hangovers are what makes the panic attacks come back ten fold.

Taper down the drinkuing, for example every week cut maybe 6 oz off of whatever you drink. You can get technical with it and you can even bust out the measuring cup to be sure.

Also, alcohol causes a magnesium deficit, which in turns creates all sorts of imbalances including anxiety among other things. Get some magnesium citrate pills(natural supplement) and take your daily dose, give it a few days or couple of weeks to hopefully bring your body back to balance.

Ashwagandha (natural supplement) is also very good for anxiety. Not as strong as a benzo but the whole point is to try and not rely on any prescription meds to get by. I would start with the magnesium and give it a few weeks to see if you notice anything

Exercise is the first and foremost the best thing you can do. Start very small and easy, but keep it consistent every day 20 - 30 minutes

David321

I suffered horrible panic attacks in the first 1.5-2 months of sobriety. Three months sober now and it's just horrrible anxiety and milder panic attacks. I can feel fine one second and the next it feels like I can't breath and my heart is pounding. Sometimes it's like a mild panic attack that last for a day sometimes. Anyone else with this problem? How long until you felt like yourself again? Trying so hard to not take any klonopins.

Maudcat

Welcome, Bhappy. Panic attacks are not unusual when one stops drinking. They should lessen in time. I would suggest speaking to your physician about trying to quit. Could be helpful and certainly can't hurt.

Astro

I dealt with that in my first month of sobriety, it lessened after that but didn't go away completely for a long time. I think it's up to us to learn different techniques that will work for us, sunshine and fresh air was the trick for me. Meetings and talking to others helped too.

FranciscoM

You're in a stuck situation, so the solution would be to unglue yourself from it.

It may take doing things you don't want to do at first, but it will overpower the alcohol abuse.

There is no such thing as failing, and sobriety programs are always open to all different types of drinkers in mind. I'd say to keep going to AA meetings or some other program no matter what and pay well attention as to what it has to teach and offer you.

Meanwhile, stop self-loathing over bad incidents and focus on getting better. Put your primary focus to work on you changing your life for the better. And with all guts in mind, start doing new things you usually would not due in order to stop drinking heavily. And just start doing nice things for the people you have hurt, and focus on being more selfless.

Deep down inside of you holds the answers as to what you know you have to do in order to make things better. It just the point and matter of doing it. Just pretend fear doesn't exist, even if you feel scared to take new steps in the right direction for yourself. Never let the fear of some thing stop you. Do things anyway. Scared or not.

Change things. Change everything all around. Find the life you want and desire. Make goals and plans and write out a list of positive things you can do and can look forward in doing. And feed your purpose.
We're here on this earth for only a short time, make it as you will.