Originally Posted by
BhappyBfun 
I'm 32 years old now and have been doing drugs and drinking alcohol since I was 13. I've always been the kind of person that takes it to the extreme, more than anyone else. I've been able to manage to build a great career (even though I did it drinking everyday), but at the same time I've managed to ruin every single relationship in my life because I push them away.
Now a days, I can't even hold a job when I was making 65K annually can live alone, so I moved in with my father to get sober. Now I'm drinking Steel Reserve lately (because I can't drink hard liquor or he goes and sleeps at a friends house). My attempts at AA have been sorry at best, and I keep failing. I'm scared, as soon as I sober up for a few days I lock myself in my bedroom and put the blanket over my head, then start having violent panic attacks, thinking about the people I've hurt and how I'm feeling hopeless... And it keeps getting worse. I'm scared to go outside and the only thing that gives me solace is grabbing a drink, my bathroom with alcohol calms me down.
Does anyone have a suggestion that knows how I'm feeling or have a similar background to help break this cycle?
I was like you (im 33 now) but drank daily a few years, I drank daily for a little over 7 years Budweiser only. for a few months tho it was at least (3) or more 24oz each evening of steel reserve or high gravity every night. That stuff is pretty hardcore!
I haven't drank in a while. Panic attacks were bad and anxiety was bad, but the hangovers were worse. I think the hangovers are what makes the panic attacks come back ten fold.
Taper down the drinkuing, for example every week cut maybe 6 oz off of whatever you drink. You can get technical with it and you can even bust out the measuring cup to be sure.
Also, alcohol causes a magnesium deficit, which in turns creates all sorts of imbalances including anxiety among other things. Get some magnesium citrate pills(natural supplement) and take your daily dose, give it a few days or couple of weeks to hopefully bring your body back to balance.
Ashwagandha (natural supplement) is also very good for anxiety. Not as strong as a benzo but the whole point is to try and not rely on any prescription meds to get by. I would start with the magnesium and give it a few weeks to see if you notice anything
Exercise is the first and foremost the best thing you can do. Start very small and easy, but keep it consistent every day 20 - 30 minutes