sable1

I know I've made threads about this subject before, but since it hasn't passed and since I still haven't figured out a way to get through it, here's another one. This is just some random thoughts, maybe someone else feels this way.
I currently live in a basement in the city, and I'm a student. I don't have any complains about the place really, I was lucky to get it since it's very central, but I have to say, it sometimes increases my feelings of being a rat or something, living underground in the dark and having a huge lack of social life. I do have some spiders for company, it's nice to have friends

And the reason why I post this in the anxiety section is because I have big issues with social anxiety and always have had. I've had friends and a few relationships over the years, so it's not like I've always been totally isolated, but most of those people weren't very good and I had to cut contact with them. Right now I have one good friend that I meet with every now and then, but not often. I'm happy to have one good friend who doesn't really drink either, but I need more. I need more daily social stimulation. I know it's up to me to get that, but that's where the anxiety gets in the way. The combination of having lots of negative experiences with people in the past and having gotten used to being alone makes it hard to brake the cycle even though I'm not happy with it.

I have a more general type of anxiety as well, not to sound dramatic, but a feeling of doom really. As in sometimes I feel anxious about leaving the room. Not scared really, just uneasy and paranoid at times. When I drank or used drugs it was about 100 times worse, but unfortunately it hasn't gone away totally.

I feel stupid about it sometimes, because other than this, my life is really good and I should just feel thankful for it, but mentally it's like I just can't function sometimes. I'm coming to realize more and more that I need to really deal with this, like I would with a broken arm or some illness, because even if it doesn't show it rules my life.
I don't think that I can live with these feelings of isolation and anxiety and panic for the rest of my life. I guess I can, but I don't want to.
It's so clear to me that this is what I was medicating before.
Feel free to share your own stories or come with tips.

sable1

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OneLessLonely

This forum tends to be quiet. I don't know why as I'm sure everyone here has anxiety issues.
I can relate to some of the things you said. I do have social anxiety. I'm horrified of saying something boring/not popular, or making a not funny joke. I drank to lower my social inhibitions. I have been sober for one year now. I do force myself to go to social functions, and although I think I'm getting better at socializing, I still struggle. I'm still tense. I still sweat. I analyze everything everything that was said and how it was said after. But I'm trying to look at it as practice, as making socializing feel familiar and therefore more comfortable. I'm seeing a therapist as well who says to treat socializing like an interview. Ask people about themselves and ask related follow up questions and be interested in the answers. Because most people live to talk about themselves. But, you gotta force yourself into situations (go out), to be able to try it. Maybe look online for meet ups or classes in things you're interested in and commit to trying one.
I also have general anxiety, which again I'm seeing the therapist for.
It's an exhausting affliction. I get it. It takes work every day.
I would recommend The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy (explains really well that its important to commit to discomfort/force yourself into situations that cause you anxiety), and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Both have given me tools to alleviate some anxiety enough to work on it. And do you see a therapist?

JohnRamboIsBack

I think OneLessLonely hit a lot of the same points I would, exposure to your fear being the main. I've never had CBT before, it would probably be useful for me but instead I'm working the steps and volunteering at Church for exposure. I just started and it's helping.

When I first came into sobriety I couldn't even shake people's hands, when I tried to expose myself to social situations I got real discouraged when things didn't go as I wanted them to, I stopped, feeling as if I was hurting my cause. I can remember feeling as if people just didn't understand how bad my anxiety was. Now my anxiety has subsided some (due to sobriety, the elimination of substance induced anxiety), now I'm able to do limited amounts of exposure.

I still don't speak in our AA circles, but I notice I'm less and less anxious each time the circle comes around to me and the attention is on me. I also notice that one on one I can do better talking and people are seeming more attracted to me, coming up to me and talking, must be something to do with the vibes I'm giving off.

I read somewhere that CBT gradually peels back layers of anxiety as to not discourage somebody by forcing too much at one time. I don't know where you are with anxiety and I can't give you advice as a doctor or counselor but what I did and am doing is taking small steps, I'm making eye contact with people, then next week I'm nodding and saying hi, then next week shaking hands, then next I'm smiling and shaking hands etc.

Try not to get discouraged, remember it's normal for people to have some difficulty approaching people, especially members of the opposite sex. Try to stay optimistic too, that's one thing I did NOT do a good job of early in sobriety when anxiety was peaking. And remember there are less intimidating places to talk to people, Church is one I really like.

Ask God to remove this from you, God removed mine. I will pray for you.

JohnRamboIsBack

And I also want to add, if you go to an AA meeting and walk around shaking hands, it is nothing out of the ordinary, a lot of sponsors have their sponsees do this to build self esteem.

Get a sponsor and explain your situation to him/her.

Obviously doctors/professional counselors can help.