I know I've made threads about this subject before, but since it hasn't passed and since I still haven't figured out a way to get through it, here's another one. This is just some random thoughts, maybe someone else feels this way.
I currently live in a basement in the city, and I'm a student. I don't have any complains about the place really, I was lucky to get it since it's very central, but I have to say, it sometimes increases my feelings of being a rat or something, living underground in the dark and having a huge lack of social life. I do have some spiders for company, it's nice to have friends
And the reason why I post this in the anxiety section is because I have big issues with social anxiety and always have had. I've had friends and a few relationships over the years, so it's not like I've always been totally isolated, but most of those people weren't very good and I had to cut contact with them. Right now I have one good friend that I meet with every now and then, but not often. I'm happy to have one good friend who doesn't really drink either, but I need more. I need more daily social stimulation. I know it's up to me to get that, but that's where the anxiety gets in the way. The combination of having lots of negative experiences with people in the past and having gotten used to being alone makes it hard to brake the cycle even though I'm not happy with it.
I have a more general type of anxiety as well, not to sound dramatic, but a feeling of doom really. As in sometimes I feel anxious about leaving the room. Not scared really, just uneasy and paranoid at times. When I drank or used drugs it was about 100 times worse, but unfortunately it hasn't gone away totally.
I feel stupid about it sometimes, because other than this, my life is really good and I should just feel thankful for it, but mentally it's like I just can't function sometimes. I'm coming to realize more and more that I need to really deal with this, like I would with a broken arm or some illness, because even if it doesn't show it rules my life.
I don't think that I can live with these feelings of isolation and anxiety and panic for the rest of my life. I guess I can, but I don't want to.
It's so clear to me that this is what I was medicating before.
Feel free to share your own stories or come with tips.