rose petals

oh boy--where do i begin--well i dont know if you guys remember me--im still sober and just havent been writing much--anyhoo--has anyone ever gotten to the point where you really feel you can see everything for exactly as it is?--how do i explain--i mean it makes it impossible really for me to be angry with people most of the time--because i know that they are doing what they are doing out of theyre own need or probs not to be mean to me--gosh i dunno if this makes any sense--i mean it bothers me kind of cause-i mean what the heck am i supposed to do with this info?--it does make it amore difficult to live in this world with this info--cause then pretty much the whole world is backward then--so then where do you go?--if anybody knows what the heck im talking about. please respond!!--i dont know if these ideas are because of the few times i dropped acid years ago, or im going crazy or onto something?--lol--well it is so hard to ariculate what im saying,--anyway--i would like to become part of the group again here if youll have me--
help!!
Laura

2dayzmuse

Yeah, I think I know what you are talking about. Like you can see things cleary for what they really are, unskewed. You can see things heading into a certain direction and know how things are going to turn out, and they do as you suspect. There is not much you can do for other people. They will continue to do what they do. But you can get a better sense of things about your life and yourself. We all could certainly use that to our advantage to better our lives.

Glad you are back Rose Petal...

Sobriety1st

We would LOVE to have you..I am new here, just a week, maybe two, but learned a life time of stuff here..it is awesome, glad you are here..take care, and best wishes..

KeepingHope

I can completely relate to what you've said, and I agree it's tough to "see things clearly" and see things we never saw before sometimes. Sometimes I want to control everyone around me and have to remember that I can't, and if i try to, something else will end up controlling me again. Thats something I cant afford to chance. I've found having a higher power has really helped me in my recovery and in understanding that sometimes i just have to sit back and let things happen.

Also, talking helps so very much for me. If something irritates me, I talk to people about it. Usually people in recovery as well. They seem to understand so much more and I find they "get me". I havent had the feeling that someone "got me" in so long! Its wonderful to not feel out of place anymore!

Five

It would be pleasure...

CarolD

Welcome Back!

amandajane

Welcome back indeed :-)

I think I understand what you are saying, it's like we all have our 'stuff' and now you can see 'your stuff' and 'their stuff' and you know that ppl do things because of their 'stuff' and it's not a reflection of you.

Hrm, maybe that didn't make too much sense but it's how I feel now. It's the ability to separate the stuff that makes life so much more comprehendable and less painful, if you know what I mean.

rose petals

thanks so much for your replies--i just have to let this stuff go orr i may go crazy--lol--gosh there is so much going on in me--a bit debilitating really--so how has everyone been?
Laura

Sobriety1st

Morning Rose, things will get better, doesn't seem that way now maybe, but they will..Remember "Easy Does It"..Glad to see you here this morning, and i have been doing great, thanks for asking, have a wonderful day..

AndrewBeen

Laura,

I thought your post was really profound. It sounds like you are getting clear and that is giving you some deep insight. The word that comes to mind is "transcendental" in the sense that your insight allows you to trancend the ego-driven selfishness most people live in. You are seeing the forces at play in the world without judgement. I am interested to hear where your journey takes you. More power to you, my friend.

--Andrew

mikee

Wow I 2nd that, 'a world without judgement' deep insight indeed!

My heart felt Prayers to you Laura.

mikee

rose petals

thanks you guys--i dont want people to think im saying im some kind of guru or something--lol--like "arent i profound"--not at ALL--but where do you go with knowledge or information--i mean you do sort of want to fit in with others but you cant really because it feels like you sort of see???--gosh maybe i need to quit thinking as aa suggests because i could drive myself crazy--anyway, today my landlord asked our neighbors if they wanted to be the asst managers--i was surprised because weve been here 8 yrs and theyve been here less than a year--i do admit i felt sort of that sad feeling like nobody likes me, but i know it is because of my alcoholism--shes seen me drunk, sick, ambulances, police etc--she knows im sober now and doing well and she does like us--but yeah it sucks how your alcoholism can affect peoples viewas of you in sobriety still--do you guys ever get that nobody likes me sadness?--this could be the alcohlic sensitivity?--i dont know-- life really does trip me out--as far as sobriety --thats great--i dont miss vomiting on myself crapping my pants vamiting blood, madness ,horror, etc--i am very blessed absolutely --this world appears to be falling apart and im lucky for what i have, food shelter etc--thanks for your responses--do any of these things happen to you?
laura

mikee

Can relate Laura, I missed many many opportunities up and down the spectrum, hence: I can look back and say that being unpredictable and unreliable didnt make me very popular at all. Once sobered up I realized that even the people that I thought totally wrote off, actually started reopening doors that have been closed for decades!

AndrewBeen

I get the nobody like me sadness, too. It is a negative voice that I fight and know is BS, but is there inside me too.

Your landlord has been with you through 8 years of alcoholism and insanity. And she still likes you! However, it will take a while before you may get her trust. She knows you enough not to trust you yet. Didn't she make the right decision?

rose petals

yeah andrew--it prolly would have been to much pressure for me anyway at this time--she has been extremely kind and understanding--any other landlord would have evicted me long ago--thanks for responding--you guys are very unselfish to take time to do that
Laura

mygirls_mylife

I also have had an eye opener with what you said. My whole life I have lashed out at people when they said or did something I perceived to be spiteful.

Lately, I have been able to step back and meditate for just a split second. I think to myself, I really dont know whats going on with this person. This person is treating me poorly because of events that I have no idea about. Do i really need or want to make things worse AND get myself upset in the process. The answer is clearly NO, I don't.

I have found it is giving me greater peace of mind to stop "taking other people's moral inventories" or judging them. I don't know them and it's not my place to make things worse for them, they are probably doing that well enough on their own.

Maybe my kindness will make them step back and reevaluate their behavior, if only for a few minutes.

Thanks for this post, it made complete sense to me, I have been thinking about that a lot lately.

Star

Anna

Hi Laura,

I think you will definitely get over the 'nobody likes me' thing. Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey to liking yourself. You will start to see and believe what a good person you are and others will see that too.

As for not being asked by your landlady, it's sad but true, that some of the things we did while drinking cannot be fixed. Understanding and accepting that is part of the growth of recovery. We can only do what we can do.