"Learning" to be Sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
"Learning" to be Sober
Hi everyone. Back at it and hoping to learn (and not repeat) my weekend blunder. I have read about people "learning" to be sober, or using tools in their sobriety. Can anyone point out where I can learn about these tools or strategies on my own? Do you have an approach that works for you that might help me too? (Of particular interest is how to quiet that VOICE that keeps telling me I can drink in moderation, even though I clearly cannot.)
Thanks so much,
Candy Scratch
Thanks so much,
Candy Scratch
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Hi Candy Scratch. I ignore the voice (thought). Literally and figuratively. It works. As time passes, the voice (thought) isn't as loud or obtrusive. Rational Recovery uses an approach you might find useful.
I try to view "learning to be sober" as adjusting to life without an addictive substance instead. I think problems and solutions become more focused and achievable in this manner. The problems you have as a result of alcohol abuse (or not) may require different solutions than mine or anyone else's.
Enjoy the ride, lol.
(Just kidding CS. It is a difficult but rewarding journey.
)
I try to view "learning to be sober" as adjusting to life without an addictive substance instead. I think problems and solutions become more focused and achievable in this manner. The problems you have as a result of alcohol abuse (or not) may require different solutions than mine or anyone else's.
Enjoy the ride, lol.
(Just kidding CS. It is a difficult but rewarding journey.
)
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
AA is my recovery program, and the 12 Steps are my tools.
AA meetings are like classrooms for sober and productive living with joy.
Please look here for more info...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ower-post.html
"Living Sober" and "Beyond The Influence"
are vey interesting reads.
Take care...
AA meetings are like classrooms for sober and productive living with joy.
Please look here for more info...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ower-post.html
"Living Sober" and "Beyond The Influence"
are vey interesting reads.
Take care...
doing nothing
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: socal
Posts: 73
I don't have many tools for maintaining and hopefully embracing sobriety, rerally just one main tool.
I have fled from sobriety all hours of every day since I was 18, now in my early 30's I have decided that strategy for dealing with life is counterproductive to my overall happiness and wellbeing.
I have thought long and hard about this situation. I have decided that complete sobriety is the way to be happy and productive.
My best tool is believing and thinking that statement is true. It is as true and immutable as Newton's laws of physics, there is no room to rationalize exceptions to it.
The trouble generally occurs when you try and allow yourself to believe something like:
sobriety is better than drunkeness (true)
but a beer or two is better than sobriety (not true)
The many reasons why sobriety is better, are true for all levels of intoxication. I know I am better off if I don't have one or two drinks, the differences just aren't as striking as comparing sobriety to all-out drunkardness.
Decide what is right for you and stck with that belief. I decided intoxication is wrong for me, at any level. I refuse to give my time to any thoughts that disagree with that immutable truth.
I have fled from sobriety all hours of every day since I was 18, now in my early 30's I have decided that strategy for dealing with life is counterproductive to my overall happiness and wellbeing.
I have thought long and hard about this situation. I have decided that complete sobriety is the way to be happy and productive.
My best tool is believing and thinking that statement is true. It is as true and immutable as Newton's laws of physics, there is no room to rationalize exceptions to it.
The trouble generally occurs when you try and allow yourself to believe something like:
sobriety is better than drunkeness (true)
but a beer or two is better than sobriety (not true)
The many reasons why sobriety is better, are true for all levels of intoxication. I know I am better off if I don't have one or two drinks, the differences just aren't as striking as comparing sobriety to all-out drunkardness.
Decide what is right for you and stck with that belief. I decided intoxication is wrong for me, at any level. I refuse to give my time to any thoughts that disagree with that immutable truth.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
I think I need to do some more soul-searching. I'm still at what I consider an idiotic stage -- some part of me is trying to convince myself that moderation is possible, even though my rational brain is telling me "No way."
WHY is it this hard? No wonder it's called a "battle" with addiction. For crying out loud. I have never felt more helpless in my entire life. I feel like the ground under my feet is welling up to flip me upside down. I feel so confused -- I don't know WHAT to think or do anymore.
Candy Scratch
WHY is it this hard? No wonder it's called a "battle" with addiction. For crying out loud. I have never felt more helpless in my entire life. I feel like the ground under my feet is welling up to flip me upside down. I feel so confused -- I don't know WHAT to think or do anymore.
Candy Scratch
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Fortunately for me I went through the whole "moderation stage" very early in my history . My voice did not tell me I could drink moderately. My voice just told me to drink and the pain would go away.And of course you know it had and endless list of reasons why I should drink.
I had to stop believing the lie.
If the voice of my subconcious mind told me to drink, my concious one intervened and said NO.
I used the Spiritual tools of Courage , Honesty and Perseverance.
I used the Physical tools of the phone numbers of my AA friends and the literature.
I used the Mental tool of distracting myself by finding something else to do.
I had to stop believing the lie.
If the voice of my subconcious mind told me to drink, my concious one intervened and said NO.
I used the Spiritual tools of Courage , Honesty and Perseverance.
I used the Physical tools of the phone numbers of my AA friends and the literature.
I used the Mental tool of distracting myself by finding something else to do.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Candy,
Oh yeah, I was so determined to be able to moderate my drinking, I kept going over the same routine, literally for years. Of course, I never could and stopping was the only option. I think you're feeling really overwhelmed right now and I felt like that too. The thing is, once you stop drinking, you'll be surprised what a feeling of freedom it is. I had been using all my energy on obsessing about drinking - when, where, etc. Stopping drinking and freeing my mind from that obsession was like a gift. And, no it wasn't easy and the voice screamed at me at times. But, recognizing the voice and telling it to buzz off, is half the battle. I need to work every day - spiritually, emotionally and physically to maintain this. That means I have to exercise, eat right, stay positive (a really hard one sometime) and meditate or spend some quiet, alone time. Those are the tools I use.
Oh yeah, I was so determined to be able to moderate my drinking, I kept going over the same routine, literally for years. Of course, I never could and stopping was the only option. I think you're feeling really overwhelmed right now and I felt like that too. The thing is, once you stop drinking, you'll be surprised what a feeling of freedom it is. I had been using all my energy on obsessing about drinking - when, where, etc. Stopping drinking and freeing my mind from that obsession was like a gift. And, no it wasn't easy and the voice screamed at me at times. But, recognizing the voice and telling it to buzz off, is half the battle. I need to work every day - spiritually, emotionally and physically to maintain this. That means I have to exercise, eat right, stay positive (a really hard one sometime) and meditate or spend some quiet, alone time. Those are the tools I use.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Thank you Anna, Peter...I seriously undertake each sentence you offer me. I am so terribly serious, but so scared at the same time. I hear you and I know what I *should* do and how I *should* act. But I can't do it. I just wrote "don't do it" and had to delete that and write CAN'T DO IT instead. Maybe it is a signal that I have to go find some outside help. Has anyone here EVER done it without going to a support group or recovery group or whatever the heck they're called??
ANd can I share with you half of my fear? Because in my totally dysfunctional and alcoholic family, at least one of us is in recovery and going to every AA meeting in the vicinity. They consider me the "normal" one without issues. I tell them to go to meetings. It is sheer humiliation that would propel me to a meeting where I might cross paths with my older brothers (who would certainly draw attention to the fact that I was there). My sister wouldn't only draw attention, she'd REVEL in the fact that I was there. I am the most normal one. They hate that. They don't see that I, too, am abnormal. They would just revel in the fact that I wasn't as "good" as they think that I think I am. Does that make any sense?
ANd can I share with you half of my fear? Because in my totally dysfunctional and alcoholic family, at least one of us is in recovery and going to every AA meeting in the vicinity. They consider me the "normal" one without issues. I tell them to go to meetings. It is sheer humiliation that would propel me to a meeting where I might cross paths with my older brothers (who would certainly draw attention to the fact that I was there). My sister wouldn't only draw attention, she'd REVEL in the fact that I was there. I am the most normal one. They hate that. They don't see that I, too, am abnormal. They would just revel in the fact that I wasn't as "good" as they think that I think I am. Does that make any sense?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Now I'm posting to my own threads, but just wanted to say that even though I am scared, I have somehow strengthened my resolve today. I will do what it takes. If it means going to a meeting in the next town -- I will if I have to. Just thought -- it might be an idea to find a women's only meeting, if they have one around here.
It's Tuesday and I have three days to get stronger and plan through the coming weekend so that I don't give in as I did last weekend. I think maybe I'll take the kids camping or something. What better place to avoid alcohol than in the great outdoors?
It's Tuesday and I have three days to get stronger and plan through the coming weekend so that I don't give in as I did last weekend. I think maybe I'll take the kids camping or something. What better place to avoid alcohol than in the great outdoors?
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Rainsville, Alabama
Posts: 189
It makes perfect sense, but at the same time is it worth dying over? If these people are sober and working a program they will not humiliate you or use the fact that you are in AA to hurt you in any way. They will be glad that you chose to come to AA and get sober. If you are an alcoholic, chances are they already know it anyway. When I was drinking I thought I was hiding it from the world, the only person I was fooling was myself... Everyone knew.. I just didn't know that everyone knew! I tried for 2 yrs. to get sober on my own and failed miserably then I finally decided to go to AA, I found sobriety and peace in AA. I do not think I would be sober today without AA. I think I would be dead today if I had not gone to AA. I had already had a gun in my mouth, and 66 stitches in my arm, my stomach pumped 3 times, with following trips to the mental hospital. All becouse I could not stop drinking.. I could not get sober without help and that help had to come from other people who knew what it was like to want to drink more than I wanted to breath... The people in AA understood that and they were sober. They had beat the demon and they told me they could teach me how if I would keep comming back, get a sponsor, work the steps, have an open mind, and just listen to what they had to say..... I have made some awesome friends and my life has never been better and nobody forced me to do anything, I have not been brain washed, I have not been converted to any religion, or made to accept anyone elses beliefs... As some people will try to say... Give it a try and have an open mind... What do you have to loose? You just might get sober and make some awesome friends!!!! Love to ya Debs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Noah's Ark
Posts: 98
Music seems...
to work as a therapy for me right now. I listen to all kinds of music from different walks of life and styles so I don't get tied down to one genre of music. I especially like some of the lyrics which seems to give me a way of expressing those feelings I have locked inside which have no voice. For while, I was just listening and not really listening but now I try to make out what it means and exactly what they are trying to put across. I found some for ColdPlay's Clock and there is this one line in it that goes, am I a part of the cure, or part of the disease? and the piano to this song is really great. I must be getting old I love the piano and slow songs. LOL.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
I believe the most difficult passage in early recovery is the onslaught of feelings that drip over us. We're not used to dealing with our feelings and they do become compounded and weird. I think these feelings about your brothers and sisters will diminish with your continued sobriety. You will probably feel all kinds of resentments because it sounds to me like you may have been the caretaker in your family.
I hope you can stick to your side of the street. Someone here not long ago told their demon voice to "shut the @#$^ up" I think it's a necessary part of recovery.. You can also say it when negative thoughts bog your spirit down. Those negative thoughts are just as threatening as the voice that tells you to have one drink.
Think Positive! You have a new life ahead of you so keep your chin up!
I hope you can stick to your side of the street. Someone here not long ago told their demon voice to "shut the @#$^ up" I think it's a necessary part of recovery.. You can also say it when negative thoughts bog your spirit down. Those negative thoughts are just as threatening as the voice that tells you to have one drink.
Think Positive! You have a new life ahead of you so keep your chin up!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi Candy....welcome back.
For myself, the more knowledge we cram into our brains the better, my HP..spirituality reading up on it and understanding it more, journaling is a huge tool, learning how to meditate quiets the rotten little voice also, slows down all those running thoughts in your head.
I'd like to suggest not picking a date to start sobriety, for myself I've only set myself up to continualy start over again, maybe works for some, all the more power to them, but nope it's never worked for me.
Wishing you all the best in your continued journey to sobriety.
For myself, the more knowledge we cram into our brains the better, my HP..spirituality reading up on it and understanding it more, journaling is a huge tool, learning how to meditate quiets the rotten little voice also, slows down all those running thoughts in your head.
I'd like to suggest not picking a date to start sobriety, for myself I've only set myself up to continualy start over again, maybe works for some, all the more power to them, but nope it's never worked for me.
Wishing you all the best in your continued journey to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
I know I think about those many time when I swore I wasn't goin to get drunk on a particular night. When I had to have a clear head the next day or the time i was just going top have one or two. How many of those times was I ever able to do that. So if I can't start out on a friday afternoon and keep my prominse to myself of not getting drunk that how the he** can I ever expect to drink in moderation(thought trust me I'd love to). Try reading CarolD's suggestion "under teh influencee" try and stay focused on the chemisrty part, I got a lot out of it being a science teacher it made a lot of sense.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Winnipeg, MB
Posts: 11
Hey Candy, I'm in your boat!
I screwed up this past week/weekend too. I don't know why. That's my mystery question "Why'd I do it?"
I'm apparently trying the moderation approach. I usually drink 7 days a week, and I haven't had anything since Monday. I know that was yesterday, but whatever, it's a start, AND I feel great today.
I read your reasoning to not go to an AA meeting, that's too bad because it seems like that is something you want to go to. Have you looked into other options? lol, are there any? or is AA the only place for alchies to go? hmmm, now I'm wondering... anyway I was going to suggest seeing a councellor/therapist or someone like that. At least it would be someone to talk to that can make suggestions on how to tackle this life changing decision. Just a thought.
Hang on and hang tight to YOUR decision to NOT have that first drink. Good luck
EvilIvy
I screwed up this past week/weekend too. I don't know why. That's my mystery question "Why'd I do it?"
I'm apparently trying the moderation approach. I usually drink 7 days a week, and I haven't had anything since Monday. I know that was yesterday, but whatever, it's a start, AND I feel great today.
I read your reasoning to not go to an AA meeting, that's too bad because it seems like that is something you want to go to. Have you looked into other options? lol, are there any? or is AA the only place for alchies to go? hmmm, now I'm wondering... anyway I was going to suggest seeing a councellor/therapist or someone like that. At least it would be someone to talk to that can make suggestions on how to tackle this life changing decision. Just a thought.
Hang on and hang tight to YOUR decision to NOT have that first drink. Good luck
EvilIvy
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Often times when I try to figure out how some one would act, or think in a given situation, I'm wrong. Just thinking out loud. I have to get out of me and move on. You may benefit from family members in AA. They may be thrilled that you are there and may be able to offer you guidance. Try to keep an open mind.
I wanted to get sober without exposing myself, without doing any work and without humiliation. Is it possible? I'd have to say no. I had no problem humiliating myself while drunk. I have to wonder why I was so worried about what people thought while I was trying to get sober. It is a very upstanding, honorable thing to do. I don't know why we put so much shame in the fact that we admit that we have a problem and are trying to better ourselves. Most people know we have a problem any way. Seldom do we fool anyone. What I would find shameful is not doing anything at all to get help and continuing in the insanity.
I know how you feel, I really do. I tried to get sober without help, without meetings, without knowledge of what to do. It didn't work. I drank. That is why we need support from those who have walked before us. Don't be ashamed of your past and admitting you are powerless over alcohol. Hold your head up high and relish in the fact that you are heading towards a better way of life.
I wanted to get sober without exposing myself, without doing any work and without humiliation. Is it possible? I'd have to say no. I had no problem humiliating myself while drunk. I have to wonder why I was so worried about what people thought while I was trying to get sober. It is a very upstanding, honorable thing to do. I don't know why we put so much shame in the fact that we admit that we have a problem and are trying to better ourselves. Most people know we have a problem any way. Seldom do we fool anyone. What I would find shameful is not doing anything at all to get help and continuing in the insanity.
I know how you feel, I really do. I tried to get sober without help, without meetings, without knowledge of what to do. It didn't work. I drank. That is why we need support from those who have walked before us. Don't be ashamed of your past and admitting you are powerless over alcohol. Hold your head up high and relish in the fact that you are heading towards a better way of life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Candy, that "voice" is your own addicted self's voice. You have to find ways to shut that voice down and deal with it head on. This may sound dumb, but I have actually had arguments with myself, out loud, in my jeep while driving in order to shut that voice down.
What I have learned is that as soon as I become aware of that voice, and believe me it isn't always a loud voice, rather it can be very subtle in its workings within my own mind, I try to identify what it is asking for... sometimes it is a beer, other times it is a bender, other times it is not to take the anta abuse... I then firmly and clearly tell it no. I tell it that I know what it is trying to do and that I will not let it have what it wants. I remind it that it is part of me and it is only one very small part. I point out all the consequences of giving into that voice (well I run over a lot of the really nastys anyways) and I then, having addressed the voice, tune it out and occupy my mind with something positive and healthy... reading, exercise, golf, coming to SR, talking with a friend about the issue, going for a walk, working out, running a nice hot bath and settling in.
Hope some of this helps... and no I am not crazy and neither are you, you just have to come to terms with it and learn to understand what is driving it and then put it to rest.
Peace, Levi
What I have learned is that as soon as I become aware of that voice, and believe me it isn't always a loud voice, rather it can be very subtle in its workings within my own mind, I try to identify what it is asking for... sometimes it is a beer, other times it is a bender, other times it is not to take the anta abuse... I then firmly and clearly tell it no. I tell it that I know what it is trying to do and that I will not let it have what it wants. I remind it that it is part of me and it is only one very small part. I point out all the consequences of giving into that voice (well I run over a lot of the really nastys anyways) and I then, having addressed the voice, tune it out and occupy my mind with something positive and healthy... reading, exercise, golf, coming to SR, talking with a friend about the issue, going for a walk, working out, running a nice hot bath and settling in.
Hope some of this helps... and no I am not crazy and neither are you, you just have to come to terms with it and learn to understand what is driving it and then put it to rest.
Peace, Levi
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Hey Candy,
This thread has been really good for me because it's making me try to remember exactly what the heck I did do to get through those first weeks and then those first few months. For sure I did not enter into the journey with an open mind or a willing heart. I'm pretty sure it took me most of the first month to come to grips with exactly how bad my drinking had gotten and how much it was my life, my sanity at stake. I had a family member who was/is much worse off and I had surrounded myself with "friends" who were as bad or worse. It was easy to say to myself, "well, I'm not that bad." Normal is a pretty big circle but I'd been outside it for so long I couldn't even see where it started. What I didn't know then was that however bad it is is bad enough. What I didn't accept then is that alcoholism won't stay at a comfortable level of misery. It just gets worse.
What worked for me at first was an intensive outpatient program. I think it worked because I found it easier to accept the truth in a classroom like situation. I don't think that just A.A. and N.A. would have worked for me because I would not have let them work for me. I had a whole heap of incorrect and misconceived notions about what those programs and the people who used them were like based entirely on bad movies and my worst imagination. I didn't want anybody to know that I needed help, I didn't want to admit to myself that I needed help, and I didn't even know how to ask for help. Also, I really believed that my recovery would be worth more if I did it all by myself, as if recovery was some kind of contest where bonus points were awarded for self reliance.
What didn't work for me at first was the A.A. Big Book and the N.A. Basic Text. I could not get past the language and truthfully, I still have issues with the language and some of the ideas in these books. What did work for me was a book by Guy Kettelhack named "First Year Sobriety: When All That Changes Is Everything". Possibly the best title for a book on recovery ever. And eventually, what did work for me (and still works for me) was A.A. and N.A. I have met so many great, beautiful, wonderful people through my association with these programs. People who started out just like me. People who had learned to find their way in these programs, had learned how to stay sober, and were willing to share this knowledge with absolutely no strings attached. These people were and are my "higher power" because they had what I wanted. I will often say this at meetings and some people will agree with that definition and some people will try to convince me that my higher power is only a temporary solution at best and I'd better find God as they understand him or else my recovery is in major danger. Doesn't matter. It's my higher power, it's my recovery. I'm not in recovery to live up to their expectations.
Candy, you can do this thing, you can recover if you want it enough to do what it takes for you to recover. But in the end, you'll have to do it one day at a time just like the rest of us. There is no magic pill, no secret sauce, no other way than making it through each day without picking up, but that gets easier until it gets harder. Harder because the longer you stay sober, the greater the temptation is to think that you never really were that bad and even if you were, you would never let it get that bad again. That's the voice that I have to deal with today.
What a lot of words. Thanks for letting me share them.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
This thread has been really good for me because it's making me try to remember exactly what the heck I did do to get through those first weeks and then those first few months. For sure I did not enter into the journey with an open mind or a willing heart. I'm pretty sure it took me most of the first month to come to grips with exactly how bad my drinking had gotten and how much it was my life, my sanity at stake. I had a family member who was/is much worse off and I had surrounded myself with "friends" who were as bad or worse. It was easy to say to myself, "well, I'm not that bad." Normal is a pretty big circle but I'd been outside it for so long I couldn't even see where it started. What I didn't know then was that however bad it is is bad enough. What I didn't accept then is that alcoholism won't stay at a comfortable level of misery. It just gets worse.
What worked for me at first was an intensive outpatient program. I think it worked because I found it easier to accept the truth in a classroom like situation. I don't think that just A.A. and N.A. would have worked for me because I would not have let them work for me. I had a whole heap of incorrect and misconceived notions about what those programs and the people who used them were like based entirely on bad movies and my worst imagination. I didn't want anybody to know that I needed help, I didn't want to admit to myself that I needed help, and I didn't even know how to ask for help. Also, I really believed that my recovery would be worth more if I did it all by myself, as if recovery was some kind of contest where bonus points were awarded for self reliance.
What didn't work for me at first was the A.A. Big Book and the N.A. Basic Text. I could not get past the language and truthfully, I still have issues with the language and some of the ideas in these books. What did work for me was a book by Guy Kettelhack named "First Year Sobriety: When All That Changes Is Everything". Possibly the best title for a book on recovery ever. And eventually, what did work for me (and still works for me) was A.A. and N.A. I have met so many great, beautiful, wonderful people through my association with these programs. People who started out just like me. People who had learned to find their way in these programs, had learned how to stay sober, and were willing to share this knowledge with absolutely no strings attached. These people were and are my "higher power" because they had what I wanted. I will often say this at meetings and some people will agree with that definition and some people will try to convince me that my higher power is only a temporary solution at best and I'd better find God as they understand him or else my recovery is in major danger. Doesn't matter. It's my higher power, it's my recovery. I'm not in recovery to live up to their expectations.
Candy, you can do this thing, you can recover if you want it enough to do what it takes for you to recover. But in the end, you'll have to do it one day at a time just like the rest of us. There is no magic pill, no secret sauce, no other way than making it through each day without picking up, but that gets easier until it gets harder. Harder because the longer you stay sober, the greater the temptation is to think that you never really were that bad and even if you were, you would never let it get that bad again. That's the voice that I have to deal with today.
What a lot of words. Thanks for letting me share them.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
So much food for thought and so helpful - all of you. Thank you with everything I've got. I'm reading, reading, reading and considering absolutely everything you say.
After reading your posts, I have started countering the "voice" with MY voice. All week I've been blurting out (to myself only, but out loud) "No thank you, I don't drink." "I don't drink, thanks." "Why would I go to the liquor store? I don't drink."
So far, I feel OK (fingers & toes crossed) and even though it is Friday today, I don't drink, so the day doesn't make a heck of a lot of difference, does it? To celebrate the start of the weekend, I'm going to take the kids to the video rental shop and let them choose a movie each and I will choose one too. I was hoping to take them camping, but it's SO HOT that I think we may just go to the beach tomorrow instead. Or I may renovate my bathroom. So much to do and I'm in good shape to do it instead of falling asleep...
I heard from my alcoholic husband two days ago and I was going to post about it in another thread, but suffice it to say, he was drunk and sadly pathetic. There but for the grace of God go I. (we've been separated three years, but not divorced) I cried for him after the phone call. I feel sorry for him. He has hit his bottom. Even though he has never been there for me, I just wanted to help him -- but I'm also trying to be codependent no more, right? I have to take care of myself and my girls first.
Thank you, friends, for sharing your struggles and suggestions and wisdom. YOU are helping me get through this to rediscover myself and my path. It is with great hope that I finally feel that I am getting better one step at a time.
Candy Scratch
After reading your posts, I have started countering the "voice" with MY voice. All week I've been blurting out (to myself only, but out loud) "No thank you, I don't drink." "I don't drink, thanks." "Why would I go to the liquor store? I don't drink."
So far, I feel OK (fingers & toes crossed) and even though it is Friday today, I don't drink, so the day doesn't make a heck of a lot of difference, does it? To celebrate the start of the weekend, I'm going to take the kids to the video rental shop and let them choose a movie each and I will choose one too. I was hoping to take them camping, but it's SO HOT that I think we may just go to the beach tomorrow instead. Or I may renovate my bathroom. So much to do and I'm in good shape to do it instead of falling asleep...
I heard from my alcoholic husband two days ago and I was going to post about it in another thread, but suffice it to say, he was drunk and sadly pathetic. There but for the grace of God go I. (we've been separated three years, but not divorced) I cried for him after the phone call. I feel sorry for him. He has hit his bottom. Even though he has never been there for me, I just wanted to help him -- but I'm also trying to be codependent no more, right? I have to take care of myself and my girls first.
Thank you, friends, for sharing your struggles and suggestions and wisdom. YOU are helping me get through this to rediscover myself and my path. It is with great hope that I finally feel that I am getting better one step at a time.
Candy Scratch
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern New Jersey
Posts: 36
Hi All,
What a wonderful thread! I myself am only 111 days into my sobriety. I loved what findingout (Tony) said. I have found, through personal experience, that he is right, if you keep drinking, and you are indeed an alcoholic (and why else would you come here), it will get worse, and worse, and worse, if you keep drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
When I put it down, I would say, that, 111 days ago, I was on the verge of ending my life. I had attempted suicide many times. I had hurt numerous people, myself most of all. I had done all the things i swore i wouldn't do when I was a boy. I hated myself. I thought nothing woould work for me. I thought that drinking and drugging were all I could do to survive in this world, and then, I just gave up. I stopped fighting. I let go of the drink, and even gave up on the psychiatric meds I had clung to for years (i thought i was crazy, and that psych meds would save me from myself). I quit smoking cigarettes.
I let go. I stopped the war. I said, "I am clueless about how to live. Everything I have done has failed. I'm going to AA." I also embraced a spiritual life, and began to practice meditation.
Since I went to AA, and attended meetings daily (first 90 days), and talked honestly, and surrenderered, and got a sponsor, and called him each day, what has happened? My depression vanished. My tears stopped flowing. I have friends, where I used to be alone. I love myself, and all people, where I used to hate everyone, myself included. I have human relationships, not manipulative associations, now. I accept the world, and others, and myself, as being just the way they're supposed to be, right here, right now. However I feel is how I'm supposed to feel. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen.
Most importantly: I realize that I am just one of many, one person among billions, and that my life is not that important in the scheme of things. My feelings come, and go, as do my thoughts, my desires, my perceptions, as will my body. I can promote happiness and joy, or discontentment and fear. The answers are all within.
My life is still very hard. I am dealing with the residue of an alcoholic past, namely financial and legal, but I know that i am the cause of this situation. I cannot allow myself to blame anyone else for the pain I have caused. Karma exists.
Tony said "it gets harder", in reference to the built-in forgetter we alcoholics and addicts can have, which leads us to relapse sometimes. So I try to remember the fear, the isolation, the hatred, the loneliness, the tears, the worry, the anxiety, the hunger, the emptiness, to remember all of the horror, so that I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, go back to that ******* nightmare again.
There is a better way. AA and NA work. You've gotta save your ass before you can save your face, and then, paradoxically, people will respect you even more for your humility and honesty, and your face will be saved. It gets better. Keep posting.
Love to all,
Joe
FEAR=forgetting everything's all right.
What a wonderful thread! I myself am only 111 days into my sobriety. I loved what findingout (Tony) said. I have found, through personal experience, that he is right, if you keep drinking, and you are indeed an alcoholic (and why else would you come here), it will get worse, and worse, and worse, if you keep drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease.
When I put it down, I would say, that, 111 days ago, I was on the verge of ending my life. I had attempted suicide many times. I had hurt numerous people, myself most of all. I had done all the things i swore i wouldn't do when I was a boy. I hated myself. I thought nothing woould work for me. I thought that drinking and drugging were all I could do to survive in this world, and then, I just gave up. I stopped fighting. I let go of the drink, and even gave up on the psychiatric meds I had clung to for years (i thought i was crazy, and that psych meds would save me from myself). I quit smoking cigarettes.
I let go. I stopped the war. I said, "I am clueless about how to live. Everything I have done has failed. I'm going to AA." I also embraced a spiritual life, and began to practice meditation.
Since I went to AA, and attended meetings daily (first 90 days), and talked honestly, and surrenderered, and got a sponsor, and called him each day, what has happened? My depression vanished. My tears stopped flowing. I have friends, where I used to be alone. I love myself, and all people, where I used to hate everyone, myself included. I have human relationships, not manipulative associations, now. I accept the world, and others, and myself, as being just the way they're supposed to be, right here, right now. However I feel is how I'm supposed to feel. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen.
Most importantly: I realize that I am just one of many, one person among billions, and that my life is not that important in the scheme of things. My feelings come, and go, as do my thoughts, my desires, my perceptions, as will my body. I can promote happiness and joy, or discontentment and fear. The answers are all within.
My life is still very hard. I am dealing with the residue of an alcoholic past, namely financial and legal, but I know that i am the cause of this situation. I cannot allow myself to blame anyone else for the pain I have caused. Karma exists.
Tony said "it gets harder", in reference to the built-in forgetter we alcoholics and addicts can have, which leads us to relapse sometimes. So I try to remember the fear, the isolation, the hatred, the loneliness, the tears, the worry, the anxiety, the hunger, the emptiness, to remember all of the horror, so that I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, go back to that ******* nightmare again.
There is a better way. AA and NA work. You've gotta save your ass before you can save your face, and then, paradoxically, people will respect you even more for your humility and honesty, and your face will be saved. It gets better. Keep posting.
Love to all,
Joe
FEAR=forgetting everything's all right.
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