Candy Scratch

I have this thing about new beginnings starting on Mondays (or the first of the month), so I've chosen tomorrow to be the first day of the rest of my life.
Tomorrow I will quit drinking as I am an alcoholic going down a very slippery slope.

I come from an alcohol-soaked family. My late dad became an alcoholic as a senior citizen. He passed away last year. My oldest brother is probably in a late stage of alcoholism and is very much in denial. My other brother is in recovery. My sister drinks too much. My boyfriend of 12 years died a few years ago of alcoholism. My husband, a heavy drinker, was charged twice with impaired driving and lost his licence. Three years ago he left our three kids and me to go "find himself". He has lost touch with us completely.

I have been drinking since I was a teenager and I'm now 42. I started out having sips of homemade wine. This progressed to beer in university and then wine, my drink of choice. I love cooking and I love drinking wine, and often do both at the same time.

I can easily drink 2 litres of wine in an evening, sometimes more. I spend my days thinking about when I'll get some wine. I drive around to different wine shoppes so that I'm not seen in one all the time. I am quite a functional drunk -- I don't drink all day, it doesn't affect my work, I get the kids to their activities. It's when I start cooking dinner that I open the bottle and off I go into oblivion. Once I finish one bottle, well it's an automatic, mindless progression to the second. I can't stop.

I am all that my kids have and I want to be here for them, in all ways and with all of my senses. I am terrified that they'll go down the same road. They know I'm struggling to stop - they've seen me say this is it and then a few days later I talk myself back into a drink. The longest I've been sober in recent history is 8 days in a row.

I have had it. I can't go on like this. I have to stop drinking! I have bought and read numerous books on sobriety and I've tried to read the Big Book, but it just doesn't speak to me.

This time it will be different and I hope by committing myself to this with all of you as my witnesses, that I will DO IT THIS TIME.

Tomorrow is Day One. Tomorrow I will not drink alcohol. And I will take it one day at a time.

Thanks so much for letting me talk. I wish all of us the very best on this journey back to a real life.

Don W

Don't put off till tommoro what you can start today. If not, remember your goal in the morning. My own experence is, deciding for one more day of drinking before I stop. Then discovering the next day I need a drink to get through the day. Either way, you've taken a big step, admitting there is a problem. Welcome to SR. Don W

CarolD

Hi and Welcome! Good for you!

It's always wise to consult with a medical professional
before quitting.
This is especially important for
long term heavy drinkers.

Please go to the 2nd sticky post at the top
"Quitting..what to expect" for some of our personal experiences.

Hugs to you and your childfen...

Candy Scratch

Thanks Don and Carol --

Don - I'm starting tomorrow because I have this wierd "thing" about starting at the beginning, which would be July 1 over June 30. I know it's odd, but there you have it. A wierd little psychological thing of mine. And tomorrow is Canada Day and I'm Canadian and well, heck, if I can consider that my new "re-birth" day, then so much the better. I'm a sucker for sentiment.

Carol - Thank you SO much for directing me to the What to Expect stickies. Oh My GOSH - there is so much useful information there. I am going to try to do it on my own, cold turkey, but now I know to watch for DTs and if that happens, I'll certainly head for the ER. I didn't realize it could take for up to a week for DTs to show up -- I thought it was way more immediate than that. I am praying that I'm not one of the 5% or whatever the stat was...

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.

Don W

Candy, Sounds good to me. Hey don't worry, wierd, little psychological thing, odd. Sounds like you know me. Hey you're in good company. Many of us addictics are cut from a different cloth. My sobriety date is May 8th. I can keep track of it easy. I just keep remembering it's between May 7th and 9th.
Happy Canada Day. It's nice having such good neigbhors. I now have something extra to look forward to on Monday. You telling us you started, stopping. Again, welcome and it's great to have you here.

iceteaplease

I have been drinking since I was a teenager and I'm now 42. I started out having sips of homemade wine. This progressed to beer in university and then wine, my drink of choice. I love cooking and I love drinking wine, and often do both at the same time.

I can easily drink 2 litres of wine in an evening, sometimes more. I spend my days thinking about when I'll get some wine. I drive around to different wine shoppes so that I'm not seen in one all the time. I am quite a functional drunk -- I don't drink all day, it doesn't affect my work, I get the kids to their activities. It's when I start cooking dinner that I open the bottle and off I go into oblivion. Once I finish one bottle, well it's an automatic, mindless progression to the second. I can't stop.

You are me! Same age, same progression, same love of cooking and wine. It has been four days for me now, and I can only encourage you that while it is difficult, you can count on support and encouragment from this forum.

Hang in there this weekend!

fraankie

2 litres of wine
and
you are all that your kids have

think about it
they ain't got much

Doodlebug

You are me also!! I was...am... a functional drunk. I drank only in the evening.. worked all day as an RN.. but now that I'm sober nearly 2 months, I can see I was not a "functional" as I thought I was. It's amazing how alcohol "fuzzies" the mind even when you are sober. I can think with more clarity now... I can make better decisions. I am so much more emotionally stable. I still have many issues to resolve and work on, but I am better able to do so without the booze... or the aftermath of it, in my system.

PS.... I don't think the "monday" thing or the "1st of the month" thing is odd t all. A beginning is beginning. As long as you begin.

brigid

Candy Scratch

Thanks again to everyone for the warm welcome and support. It brings comfort to know I don't have to do this all alone, even though I have to do it for myself. AND TODAY IS DAY ONE! And I'm actually happy and excited. One day at a time.

Kellye C

Hi Candy! Welcome to SR and congratulations on doing something about your drinking. You won't regret it! Keep us updated on how you're doing!

Kellye

trancedeviate

fraankie.. way to encourage her there buddy...


Candy Scratch.. good luck, you can do it we all beleive in you, keep us updated!

Don W

Candy, All I can do is give you a big----sober----YA HOO!

here somewhere

Hey fraankie, what's up with that? Is that supposed to be some kind of "tough love" thing? Someone is about to embark on the hardest journey of her life and you kick her in the teeth for for good luck?!
S
ps: Best of luck to you Candy Scracth!

Salsa

Candy, you can do this! Your story sounded all too familiar to me. I progressed from wine to Vodka and could drink a lot of it even though never did I feel drunk, although there were many mornings I was horrified to remember, or hear things I had done!

I understand the number thing. I quit Jan. 1, so my last drink mentally(and in reality) was in 2005. It really keeps me going. It's been 6 mo. today and it's unbelievable I couldn't go for 2 days in a row in the past!!! You will feel so great without it all! It's such a beast in the beginning, but the longer you go the prouder you will feel of yourself and gain even more strength!

Keep your chin up and stay strong!!!!! Enjoy your sobriety with your kids

ETA: a nice perk....I've lost nearly 40 lbs!!!!!!! And I'm still enjoying all the food I always did!!!!!

debsjsu

It is ok dont worry about what day it dosnt matter start where ever you have to .... You may be a little OCD not a big deal... Do what ever works for YOU......... You might want to add some type of recovery program though, I found through countless failures of my own that I needed some support of live human beings who could identify with what I was going through and help give me some direction when I was facing things that I was not emotionally, mentally prepared for...and maybe a friend to stay sober with, do sober things with, just talk to. It helped me tremendously to not be alone... I wish you much happiness and success..... Love to ya Debs

Malcolm

Congrats on making the choice, and I wish you much success! As others have said, you can choose your day for whatever reason, but the fact that you have done so speaks volumes.

degadar

I hope it goes well for you Candy. I must have gone for a year or two planning to give up tomorrow. Eventually tomorrow comes, and then one day - it stays for good.

Hope you're doing well.

Deg.

Candy Scratch

Made it to the end of Day 2 - still sober, still pumped. Praying that I don't start feeling cocky because that's when that little voice sideswipes me, when I least expect it.

I found the trick so far has been to keep busy, busy, busy. I've had a couple of intense cravings. I drank some water and did a little deep breathing to get through them, and they passed.

Thanks for the additional notes of support since my last post. I am so, so grateful to you all.

As for Fraankie, well I did take those comments hard. They brought tears to my eyes and pit a knot in my stomach, but you know what? It was just like getting a cold splash of water in my face. I don't know the intentions, but I truly took the words to heart and they have been coming back to me for the past two days. The thought that I may be nothing to my children breaks my heart even as I know it isn't true. Still, it is a sobering thing to think about. I can be so much more.

Peace tonight and strength to get us all through another day tomorrow.

Candy

2dayzmuse

Never give up Candy! You are worth it!