ruch

Hi all......This is my first post where I share about me. Last week, I posted talking about my Dad who is currently hitting bottom as I type this. Well, I let the problems with my Dad turn into an excuse to get hammered a few times in the past couple weeks.

Yestarday was a bad one. Got done work early and grabbed a pint of 100 proof Smirnoff on the way home. I proceeded to sit on my couch and play video games while I tied one on. As soon as the Vodka was gone(along with the reasoning part of my brain) I was off to the store to purchase a 12 pack of Bud Ice(Not my favorite beer, but hey it has 5% alcohol).

When my fiance got home from work I was passed out on the couch sitting in a puddle of my own urine. She had a few choice words for me as I retired to my bed. I woke up a few hours later and proceeded to finish off the 12 pack after she went to bed.

As I sit here at work watching the clock all I can think about is my next drink. I wanna take the "edge" off. The feelings of fear, shame, and embarrissment is too much to deal with sober.

I am powerless to the stuff....this much is true.

daisy_j

Hi Ruch! Welcome...

When I quit, I was at the same point you are now. Drinking until I passed out. Had a few embarrassing accidents. Felt shameful upon waking up. Did not want to face my husband because of something I had said or done the night before, or just because I was ashamed at having no control over how much I drank.

And that awful feeling of it never being enough. The physical and mental ache no matter how much booze I had. No certain number of drinks would make me feel content and happy. I had to keep drinking to incapacitation. Remember, that first drink WILL NOT make you happy. The tenth one won't either. You will still want more.

Perhaps you can try to focus on CONTROL. When you start thinking about that drink tonight (and face it - it won't be just one) consider the fact that you can actually choose to have control this evening. This one evening, you can decide NOT to wake up in a puddle of your own urine. You can decide NOT to disappoint your fiance. If you choose not to drink this one night, you can be assured that you are not going to do anything tonight that will make tomorrow hell. Imagine how you will feel waking up Thursday morning and not being hungover. To know everything you said and did. To not feel like a child for messing yourself (I wouldn't say that unless I'd been there too). Toward the end, I started to feel like a non-human because really, outside of work and school I was just a big booze receptacle. Now going a while without the alcohol makes me feel like a real person again. You owe it to yourself to feel like a person again too. Maybe you are not at the point in your addiction where you feel less than human. If not, please believe me, you do not want to go there.

Maybe try to decide for this one night that you will be in control of yourself, not alcohol. If you give into that one drink, alcohol will probably win. When you get the craving, get on the net, find a TV show, read a book, exercise, go to an AA meeting, something, anything. Go to bed if you're really miserable. An actual craving does not last that long. You can do it!!

Good luck
GJ

ruch

The waking up in a puddle of urine has become very common place when I drink the hard stuff. You would think that alone would convince me to stop.

daisy_j

It's no fun, that's for sure. That alone wasn't necessarily enough to make me stop. It was when I thought of ALL of the things that seemed to happen to me as a result of my drinking that made me really, really want to stop. And if that's still not enough, consider that alcoholism is a progressive disease. So as bad as everything seems now, consider that it can - and probably will - get worse if you continue to give in.

But don't overwhelm yourself. Maybe for one night, you can decide to be free. You don't have to be a slave to your addiction tonight. There is something in your life that will make you feel happier than alcohol does. If you don't know what it is, go find it. That should keep you busy!!

When you do it, do it for you. The fact that your fiance will be happier with you is just an added bonus. The fact that you will be happier with you (and your body will be so grateful) is absolutely priceless. It's a magical feeling.

Seriously, even if you don't quit tonight, at least give it some thought. Have it in the back of your mind that this is something you need to do (before you ruin that couch! )

slacker

I am assuming that you want to quit drinking like you have been lately, based on he fact that you came here and posted your story.
When I reaslized I had a problem, I didn't take action right away. I rationalized, I told myself I would just drink less, and put it off because I knew it would be hard to make the change. I let myself sink even lower than I though possible before my problem smacked me upside my head and made me acknowledge it AND DO SOMETHING.

You know what you need to do and you want to do it. Do it tonight. Just tell yourself that you won't have that first drink tonight and stick with that commitment. If you can find an activity to keep yourself occupied, it'll help you from getting restless and going stir crazy. I relied on getting hammered as my daily activity, I had to find something to do in it's place otherwise I'd sit around bored and constantly thinking about drinking "just one or two".

ruch

Yeah, Slacker, I'm rationalizing as I sit here. I keep telling myself, when I drink just beer I'm fine. It's the Hard stuff that does me in. I'm also telling myself just to drink today so I can get rid of the hangover. And since I won't get hammered I won't be hungover tomorrow and I can then begin my recovery.

Stopping always sounds good for tomorrow. You and Daisy are right, I need to control it and control it TODAY.