earlybird

Ive been sober since March 27, 2004. About 8 months into sobriety, I ran into a close drinking buddy of mine. (close, meaning we hung out several times a week) I was at the gym and he came up to me and said hi. I said hi and when he asked me what was up,...and where I had disappeared to, I was all too happy to tell him of my new found sobriety. He looked at me kinda uncomforably and started to laugh. I mean I told him about the treatment center, the DT's, the seizures, violent shaking, the heart stopping for almost a minute, the whole sha-bang. He laughed kind of a nervous laugh. Almost noticably forced. Then he went on to try and convince me that I WASNT an alcoholic. I mention this because although at the time his reaction sort of suprised me, I find now that this is quit common behavior our old friends have toward us when we get sober and they STILL are in midst of battle with THEIR demons. I have since been told that people who are also alcoholics that were part of our old "running pack" try to minimize OUR drinking problem in order to sort of re-recruit us back to THEIR misery, so they dont seem so bad. They seem almost envious of us. Like "I always thought he was worse than me". Only now to see that we did something about it and they havent. I was wondering if anyone else has had an experience such as this one.

Peter

I remember being surrounded by my friends in a bar one night a few days after I had stopped drinking and started going to meetings.

They all had this "really serious" look on their faces (men and women) and they all proceeded to tell me in no uncertain terms how I "was NOT an alcoholic" and should "stop listening to foolish people telling me I was."

That was about ten ten years ago.

I have lost contact with all of them. Last I heard two of them had died from drug and alcohol related complications.

2dayzmuse

Yep, minimizing your problem means it's much easier for them to look into the mirror. Ever look into the mirror after a long binge and see the face of horror, fear and despair staring back? There is no denying that. Something tells me the are quite familiar with that face.

About a year ago one of my drinking buddies came knocking on my door. We partied hard for many years together. For the most part, we had a good time. She never saw me when I was isolating and things were really bad. She has no idea had bad things had really gotten.

My best friends daughter was getting married and my buddy stopped by to see if I was going to the wedding. I said yes and she thought maybe we could hang out together. I thought, oh no, and was pretty concerned because I know how she could be and I wasn't interested in dealing with that in the least bit.

It turned out to be a positive experience. There were times when my insecurities creeped in and I'm embarrassed that I'm an alcoholic. I guess it is a sign of imperfection. If I really want to analyze things and get deep, being an alcoholic has become a very positive experience for me. I can think and act differently because I have faced my fears and learned to deal with them. However, there are awkward moments when I anticipate questions that may be embarrassing.

We are talking and she starts to tell me how proud she is of the fact that I have been sober. I feel slightly uncomfortable until I remember what the alternative is. I will forever be grateful for my sobriety. I am very much aware that an alcoholic who is practicing sobriety is better off then an alcoholic who isn't. When you put it that way, there really is no argument, or need to be embarrassed.

She goes on to tell me she wishes that she could stop drinking and admires me for what I have done. I know she is not ready to quit, but the seed has been planted that if and when she is ready, there is a solution. It is a good feeling to know that not everyone looks down their nose at you because you are an alcoholic. And if they did, I would once again state this: An alcoholic who is practicing sobriety is better off then an alcoholic who isn't.

Today, I am better prepared to handle awkward situations and questions if they come up. In the two years I have been practicing sober, no body has ever said an ill word to me, or made me feel pressured to drink, or tried to convince me I never had a problem. I guess I've been lucky or they've seen me drunk before. One of the two...

Live

This is something I am fearful of. My husband drinks (socially), my sis and her best friend really "party" and being a newbie at being clean even tho' my drug of choice is not alcohol, I just don't want to be around any drinking/drugging.
Even my workmate/best friend in town likes to drink. And yeah, they hound me to join them (not hubby).
I think I will just say that I cannot drink with the medications I take. That is true.
But it is still going to make me uncomfortable, I know.
Been thro' it before....would slip out the back door and disappear for hours or volunteer to take the kids upstairs to read to them.

leviathon

I had to leave my old "pack" behind b/c they continued to drink and use and I couldn't do it. I found as my sobriety lengthened we really had nothing in common except some experiences normally involving alcohol and pot. They thought I was being "uppity" by not drinking and smoking w/ them. Then when I went to uni, they got real outta sorts with it. They felt I was trying to be "better than them". I think it was their way of blaming me that they were still where they were at when we were in our early 20's and I was not.

A sort of reverse justification. It is sad. I eventually learned to say sorry but I am not like them and I moved on. It is sad b/c we spent all of our teen years in inseparable commraderie... unfortunately it was one based on using and partying, not on real friendship.

Levi

2dayzmuse

So true. You certainly find out who your true friends are once you quit drinking.

brigid

It has been interesting for me to find out why people have wanted to be with me or around me. And it has been a little heart breaking. I have found other people who know me have found it difficult to see me as who I really am because I was quite different when drinking. I have a long term friend who I went to teachers college with, drank with, played sport with, argued with, laughed with and even lived with for a time. We were very close and I really think it was more than the alcohol.

But now that I am sober, I find it uncomfortable to be around her husband, like I am an alien or a threat to them. I find she is constantly assessing herself against me, sometimes says the meanest things to me and really tries to make jokes about my failings as a person when I was a big drinker. Like, I wasn't so good with money, but since then I have managed to bring up and look after three children virtually on my own financially, and no I am not flush, but I haven't done too bad either.

I don't say nasty things to her at all, but I think that she felt superior to me in lots of ways when I was a drinker and now that I don't drink and have grown up a lot it is difficult for her to accept ... she has grown in many ways too and I always am positive about her and her life. It is just occassionally that her claws come out, but it does hurt when they do.

There are many other people who are close to me too, who find it difficult to see me differently and it seems to upset their own assessment of themselves. Rather than them being happy for me, they feel that they have lost kudos I think.

Of course there are also some steadfast lovely people who are very encouraging and don't feel threatened. I tend to gravitate to them and have left most of the others behind, with their negativity.

I have felt hurt by some people that I loved though, and I don't think anything but time and continued growth can help that for me.

love Brigid

earlybird

I find that the people who coax or pressure you to drink even though you told them you are an alcoholic, arent your real friends and dont care about you. I mean,...would they walk into the cancer ward and start offering cigarettes?