MySecret

Please help my husband started his dettox this monday, he was very pleased to get onto the program as was so fed up with drink ruling his life, anyway hes done an outpatient dettox, he has been very quiet with me since about wednesday and said he didnt want any money during the whole week on the sunday vefore he started the porgramme, however on wedneday he said he would like a little just to buy papers,coffee etc, I mean I cant say no you cant I have to trust right, so anyway my mum went past our house and threw somehting in ther rubbish and found a vodka bottle wedged down the rubbish?!!? I mean we have no proof its from this week only that the rubbish is collected on thusday and its now sunday, mum said maybe its an old bottle he found...mmmm anywya do I keep stum about it to him?

If he has drunk will this affect the dettox, could he get thrown of the programme, is there anyway they will find out, he goes back next wednesday? is he likely to just start drinking again? he was drinking a half bottle of vodka a day and a bottle of wine. please can you give me advise on how to approch this or not approach this? thanks

Bobnik

Alcoholics are secretive, manipulative and dishonest in pursuit of drink and cannot be trusted while under the compulsion to drink. Drink will come before anything. I know because I was like this for many years.
But why not give him the benefit of the doubt and mention that you found it - in a non-confrontational manner. Say - you expect it was a "remnant from his drinking days."
Wishing you well!

Bobnik

Just to add - when I cleaned up my act I made a sweep of all my hiding places and threw all the empties and full bottles in the trash. Maybe this has happened here?

michaelj

My recommendation is to just be honest and ask him if it is his. You will know whether he is honest with you...my wife always always knows if I am economical with the truth. Tell him you have to know the truth because you have as much invested in his sobriety as he does while you are a married couple.
Best wishes
Michael

earlybird

There were plenty of times I had told members of my family and my girlfriend that I had quit. I kept drinking, but, hid bottles all over my apartment. Linen closets, under mattresses, under clothing in drawers, behind the TV, under the bathroom sink behind the cleaning products. I even tossed a bottle of whiskey in my apartments dumpster outside and snuck down in the middle of the night without waking my girlfriend, climbed inside the dumpster, sat down INSIDE the dumpster and guzzled that whiskey. Now,...by the same token, after I did quit, I was finding old empty bottles all over the place and I just simply tossed them in the trash, but, I was aware of the potential of people thinking that I was drinking again, so anytime I did find one, I let it be known first, THEN threw it away.

CarolD

Jen...this time let it go.

You do not know who put it there
You did not find it
You did not see him
He did not act as if he was drinking
nor smell of it.

Take care of you with Al anon. Hugs

Mongo

Jen

I think that confronting him with this is not the best idea. Sounds like he may be having a tough time and I think he has to work it out for himself.

But, having said that, please take care of yourself first. You cannot control another person.

Mongo

earlybird

I agree,......we as alcoholics, ....if we are going to drink, we are going to drink. If you believe he is drinking again, letting him know that will do nothing to stop him. I'd atleast wait until you have hard evidence. OR.........if the not knowing is killing you,....you could act like you believe that vodka bottle was, in fact, a found empty, by saying "Where did you find that bottle hidden at.....Im guessing we will probably be finding empties for a while". Thats what my Mom said to me. I bought it at first. Im now realizing she was probably testing me. Its what loved ones do. For their OWN peace of mind.

Kellye C

As I shared with you on another board I found empties for a while and I would immediately go and show them to someone and make it clear that it was OLD that I had not resumed drinking.

It is impossible to know if the bottle found was new or old but if it was new it will quickly become apparent in other ways. Just let it go and watch and wait. Actions speak louder than words and you will get your answer, one way or the other, by just watching.

Kellye

markofevil

If he wants to drink, you won't stop him. He also can't quit for you. If he does, chances are he will drink again. He needs to quit for himself.

We stash empties all over the place and forget about them. I'd let that vodka bottle go. If he's drinking again, you'll find out soon enough.

One regular at one of my AA meetings was in the habit of stashing cash in lunchbags and hiding them in his house. This was his way of saving money instead of spending it. He's been sober for nine months and recently found a bag with $2500 in it, ha ha. He had forgotten all about it. He was happy.

Me? I find old empty beer cans in my sock drawer or some other nonsense like that. Not very exciting. Heh.

earlybird

You can return those empties and put a down payment on a pack of mento's.

markofevil

Maybe in Michigan you can, but in Missouri glass empties are worthless and cans are only good as scrap metal. You see, in Missouri one of the largest lobbyists at the state capitol is Anheuser-Busch, headquartered here in St. Louis. Any law that will put a damper on beer sales never has a chance. Charging a deposit on cans and bottles raises the cost of beer and usually raising the cost of goods results in a drop in consumption -- that's econ 101. So AB fights anything like that tooth and nail.

Just to show you how crazy AB can be about anything beer-related, AB fought (and lost) legislation to ban open alcohol containers in cars. AB saw nothing wrong with people having open beers in their cars.

debsjsu

This is just my experience but this actually happened to me. I was trying to get sober and having a hard time of it I have never made anything easy in my life, always took the hard road. Im stubborn like that. Anyway one day I went and bought a bottle while nobody was at home, I thought I could drink it and be close enough to sober by the time everybody got home that no one would know. Well before I got home with it I had changed my mind I had 3 months sober and I decided I didn't want to blow that, so I poured it down the drain. Threw the bottle in the trash without thinking anyone would see it. I was too emotional about what I had just done to think about hiding the bottle or thinking anyone would find it. I did not however tell my husband what I had done. He found the bottle and accused me of drinking, we had a fight I tried to explain. He did not believe me of course, why should he, I had been lying to him for the past 10 yrs about my drinking. I left that night and got drunk for real and stayed drunk for a week, ended up sleeping in my car at the river. So sometimes it is best to just let things go if he is drinking you will know soon. If he is not you don't want to do anything to create an excuse for him to drink. We alcoholics are sensitive people especially when we are getting sober. It's almost like we are going through a metamorphorisis from a alcoholic to a rational thinking person. It hurts. I agree with what the others have said take care of your self first. God bless Love to you Debs