a day full of anxiety and stress...
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
a day full of anxiety and stress...
I wrote in another about my past weekend... went back to the town I left at 13 to be on my own as the fear of the known (i.e. my mom and step dad) was less than the fear of the unknown (i.e. living on my own).
The weekend was cut short by my own choosing as I found the town depressing, the experience unhealthy and all of the "old urges" to escape kicking into high gear. Fortunatley, I did not drink despite the "old urges".
Got home, after a day in my own home I started to feel rested and revitalized. Then my little sister who caught a ride back with me began acting out in the way my family has historically... within a day she is all in tears, threatening to commit suicide, etc. I dealt with it, not because I wanted to but because it had to be done. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I thought what she was doing was complete ******** and that she had no right to pull that crap in my home. If she has issues and wants to talk that is fine, but no threats of suicide, etc., as my father did that last year and I don't want my home ****** up by this ****. It is my safe place.
Anyway, we talked things seem to have worked out for her, she will be apparently leaving in a day or so and returning to her home. Despite that I find that I am feeling incredibly anxious and unsettled. I know it is directly related to her being at my home and this "crisis" she manufactured to get attention. While I don't want to just say "That's it, get out", at the same time I had a very happy home with no stress and I don't like it being invaded in this fashion.
I am not sure how to deal with this, anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks, Levi.
The weekend was cut short by my own choosing as I found the town depressing, the experience unhealthy and all of the "old urges" to escape kicking into high gear. Fortunatley, I did not drink despite the "old urges".
Got home, after a day in my own home I started to feel rested and revitalized. Then my little sister who caught a ride back with me began acting out in the way my family has historically... within a day she is all in tears, threatening to commit suicide, etc. I dealt with it, not because I wanted to but because it had to be done. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I thought what she was doing was complete ******** and that she had no right to pull that crap in my home. If she has issues and wants to talk that is fine, but no threats of suicide, etc., as my father did that last year and I don't want my home ****** up by this ****. It is my safe place.
Anyway, we talked things seem to have worked out for her, she will be apparently leaving in a day or so and returning to her home. Despite that I find that I am feeling incredibly anxious and unsettled. I know it is directly related to her being at my home and this "crisis" she manufactured to get attention. While I don't want to just say "That's it, get out", at the same time I had a very happy home with no stress and I don't like it being invaded in this fashion.
I am not sure how to deal with this, anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks, Levi.
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Hey Levi,
I think you handled it really well too. You know, your home really is your safe place. It is a sanctuary where you get to be whatever you feel in the moment and she came in and put the balance you feel there off-tilt. It is no wonder you are feeling uneasy I know I would too. Family for me brings up a lot of anxiety too. Before I would drink to ignore it... now I just have to get through it.
It will pass. Remember that no matter how much you love your sibling you can't save her anymore than she could have saved you from alcohol. Remember to continue to put your priorities and your well being at the tip top of the list. Remember not to own any of her bs - it's hers and she chooses to keep it in her life.
You are doing awesome. I hope you get peace back into your home soon.
Suga
I think you handled it really well too. You know, your home really is your safe place. It is a sanctuary where you get to be whatever you feel in the moment and she came in and put the balance you feel there off-tilt. It is no wonder you are feeling uneasy I know I would too. Family for me brings up a lot of anxiety too. Before I would drink to ignore it... now I just have to get through it.
It will pass. Remember that no matter how much you love your sibling you can't save her anymore than she could have saved you from alcohol. Remember to continue to put your priorities and your well being at the tip top of the list. Remember not to own any of her bs - it's hers and she chooses to keep it in her life.
You are doing awesome. I hope you get peace back into your home soon.
Suga
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