OnceNice

Had one day without drinking. Went home last night and drank.
Hopped in my car, which I never do. Decided to get gas (and more beer)

And got pulled over. I thought for sure I was a gonner.

He didn't even give me a ticket.

Now I know this sounds weird and I should be thanking my lucky stars, but I was smashed. I got gas, more beer, and like a dumbA## was looking for the cop to ask him why. Why he let me go. Did not find him.

I was disappointed that I did not get busted! I deserved a DWI, DUI whatever.

Why my job let me stay when I cussed out the boss.
I don't get it.

I know this sounds stupid, but I almost wished he would have taken me in.
Maybe I need something like that.

Why must I wait for something bad.

I know its getting worse now and I was lucky. I have no idea why.
I've no kids or husband. Nothing to lose except mys self-esteem which was lost years ago. And my job.

I just thank God I didn't kill anyone.

I know now that it is really progressing, I know I was lucky.
Its getting worse and my time will come if I don't knock this sh it off.

Geez you guys. I got one day and got cocky.

All right I'm ready for some tough love. I think that is what I need.
I might not respond to it.
But tell me how ya really feel.

So many people get busted and embarrased and all kinds of crap. I just don't get. I HATE THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS WAY.

I feel stupid. Stupid for driving, stupid for drinking, stupid.
I sat there last night thinking about all you guys, drinking and how great you all were.

This is too insane for me.

PaperDolls

You're obsessing about the drinking. That's what happens. May be you should check yourself into a treatment center. I know you can do it and so do you. You've had longer than one day before. You are a wonderful person with a big heart and the world deserves for you to be here with a clear head. Do this for yourself. I believe in you.

Love,
doll

best

Don't need give you tough love. You are doing fine giving it to yourself.
I never crashed a car while drinking and wonder to this day how I stayed alive through my drinking years. Other keep telling me that God saved my butt for a reason. Sober, maybe I will find out what that reason is.
You have two choices...
Take the warnings and do what is right or
ignore them and maybe one day you find yourself living in the pain of the harm or death of another that has been a direct result of continueing to drink.

Start looking for AA meetings would be my choice.

MNGirlyGirl

I just received my 3rd dwi in 10 years this last Friday night. You don't really want to get started on that road. It was my bottom ... took me 3 to get there, but they have taken my car (for good -- I MAY get the option to buy it back), lost my license for a year, am looking at jail time, treatment, huge fines, had to pay $1,200 bail. Although it hasn't even been a week, I have been so stressed finding a transportation to work, store, bank, etc...

I hope you find another way to get sober -- not to mention all the lives you are endangering -- including your own. Please seek help rather than try to get caught.

Good luck.

Sugasnaps

Someone up there is looking out for you and is continually sending you messages that things could get worse... much much worse. If you don't heed the warnings you are getting right here and now you will indeed lose more. Checking yourself into a rehab is a really good idea or even just going into an office and asking to talk to someone about it. I agree... you do pleanty of self-beating I just hope you get "it" sooner than later. Let go and surrender to it. If you stop fighting against alcohol you can do it. Continuing to do the things that only bring you pain and suffering is not working it is only dragging you down.

Suga

igfan

i used to do that too, when i look back now i think i wanted to get caught so i would be forced to attend AA meetings, forced into counseling, all the things that i'm doing now on my own. I still struggle with self destructive behavior but i'm concious of it and i work at it daily. From what i've read i think you need to stop talking about quitting and start doing something about it. I think rehab is an excellent idea or an intensive outpatient program, but obviously trying to do it without anyones help is not working for you. Don't give up Oncenice, you need to do this for yourself.

splendra

(((OnceNice))))

I haven't read the other responces so forgive me if I repeat someone elses statement. I think you are a precious child of God and you deserve to be free.

Whenever you are ready...


I was a nasty drunk and I drove and even was pulled over several times and never got arrested for driving drunk.

I was walking my dog one morning still drunk mind you and very beligerant. I got arrested for not having my dog on a leash( but if I had not been drunk I doubt I would have been arrested). My dog was taken to the pound she was pretty mad at me too it took her a couple of days to forgive me...that was the worst part that my girl was mad at me... The people at the pound treated me pretty bad too cause they thought my dog was too nice to be locked up and she was a very sweet girl. She was a red big doberman I still miss her...

michaelj

Oncenice,
It sounds to me that you are at the end of your tether and are looking for self-destruct buttons to press. Somewhere inside your alcohol addicted brain the sober you is trying to crash its way out onto the surface. It has had enough of being ruled by alcohol and is desperate to get your wholehearted attentiind. Subconsciously IMO you are looking for as big a fall from grace as possible so that you will be forced to confront your addiction and embrace sobriety.
The good news is that there is a short-cut. Get yourself off to a meeting and get on the programme. Don't concern yourself with anything other than getting and staying sober. The real you is crying out to be saved from the madness of alcoholism, you owe it to yourself to carry out the rescue.
I wish you well
Michael

earlybird

You dont need tough love. You know what you did. Know what you've been doing. Know what you need to do. Just think how you would feel if you got a phone call saying that your son or daughter, wife, Mother, father or Grandmother or bestfriend had been killed by a drunk driver. Then you find out that they didnt die right away either,....they laid in the reckage of the accidents aftermath in pain,...scared out of their minds until they painfully and slowly passed away,....all because some drunk needed more beer. Think about that and ask yourself,...is this life worth it? Im not sure what you mean by "cocky" but, I dont think thats the right word. I think all alcoholics get a scortching case of the "Oh-that-wont-happen-to-me's" Nothing seems possible until it happens to us. I think you should take the advice I read on this thread and call a treatment center. Before there are HUGE consequences in your life to pay for.

NoMoBeer

While you're at it, thank Him for all the other "yets" that have not happened to you... Obviously somehow you have been protected from harm all this time... Hmmmmmm......


But -- go ahead and keep running the show -- I'll guarantee the sh!t will hit the fan soon enough.

I hit my bottom when I decided to stop digging. I do thank God -- for not having to go to jail (again), or get a DUI, or lose family members who were fed up with me, or lose my car, or house, or whatever. I decided enough was enough. I'm an alcoholic, and cannot control drinking, continue drinking or it will KILL me. I went to AA. I still didn't get it for a while. Kept trying to "run the show," to "prove I could drink like other people." Guess what? I'm an alcoholic and I cannot, so I had to take admit to my innermost self that I am alcoholic and could not do this alone.

I stayed in AA. I found a sponsor. I got to work on the steps.

Today, I am sober. I live life sober. Tonight I'll go to bed sober. That's the gift. It's simple -- but I like it that way....

Make a decision and get to work.

Ken

PS -- I don't really want to give you tough love. Honestly, the decision to be sober or to be a drunk is up to you. It has no bearing on my life at all. But it has a tremendous bearing on your life. I could post all sorts of stuff to cajole you, nudge you, anger you, whatever -- into maybe thinking about getting sober. But in the end it's up to you!

Cindi R

I did exactly the same thing...
my use progressed to the point that I was busted at work, because I was too stubborn to ask for help.
Please Rose, ask for help now before it's too late and you do something that you can't forgive yourself for...

findingout

OnceNice,

and
So STOP DRINKING. Today.

If you find you can't stop all by yourself, get some help. A.A and N.A. worked (and continue to work) for me but there are other support systems.

If you do nothing, things will only get worse.

So STOP DRINKING. Today.

(Umm, that's about as "tough" as I get)

PaperDolls

Where are ya Rose? Are you around today?

I'm thinking of you.