leviathon

I have been sober for quite some time. I have been quite content with that sobriety and have been doing quite well at starting up new interests, etc. Then out of the blue yesterday the old "craving" hit me once again. It was no where near as strong, but it did hit me by surprise.

I was able to resist the craving, but find myself amazed that it can just pop up for no apparent reason. Anyone else had this experience, and if so, does it eventually stop happening?

Thanks. T.

michaelj

Leviathon,
I have had several of these sudden cravings / desires to drink and they appear at first to come from out of the blue. At least I thought that they did when I experienced the first one or two of them. I have been sober now for about fifteen months and at first I was constantly on guard, but as time went by I found that I could relax more and more. Then all of a sudden an urge to drink hit me and I needed to get back on guard real quick. As I say I thought they were out of the blue but when I examined the timings and the circumstances I found that they were usually connected to behaviour that in my drinking days would have precipitated more drink than usual. I suppose in a nutshell it is your sub-conscious behaviour patterns ringing certain bells and the old alcoholic in me responding like Pavlov's dog and reverting to previously learned behaviour.
If I am about to go to a party, a dinner or some other function where drink is involved I always go through a process prior to the engagement to prepare myself to not drink. There are rarely problems then because I have consciously prepared for the event. It is the events that you don't prepare yourself for, that previously involved alcohol, that catch you out.
For an instance, today I sat out in the garden and read my paper for an hour or two and then began to experience a desire for a drink. The desire lasted for an hour or two until I realised that the accompaniment to sitting in the garden in my alcoholic life was a regular supply of beer and wine. Today was the first time since last October that I had been able to sit out (it was a lovely spring day here in London) and I had forgotten to prepare myself to not have a drink.
I am not sure that this kind of subconscious association does go away. It is just helpful to be aware that it does happen and to try to analyse where these phantom desires come from.
Sorry to be so long winded, I just think it is a very important subject.
Michael

laurenlanai25

for me usually cravings dont come out of the blue. there are many things that i must do in order to maintain spiritually fit, when i am doing these things i am fine for a while then all it seems all of the sudden i may be tempted. but it is not about that particular day its what i have been doing in the days weeks or months before. when i am content in my sobriety that is when i have to watch out, that is just for me though.

Peter

Even though I am sober 8 years I can still recall the smell and taste of rum and pepsi with clarity. I doubt if I will ever forget.

However I had my last "out of the blue" craving a fewyears ago in the checkout line at the supermarket. The guy in front of me was cashing a six pack of Red Stripe beer and the sudden urge to drink hit me like a hundred pound sack of cement. It was so intense I felt the ground beneath me shifted several degrees on it's foundation.

It was enough for me to call a firiend when I got home and tell them about it.

I did not feel I was being complacent but still it was enough to convince me that alcoholism will be with me for a very long time.

Kellye C

Ya know, this disease is sneaky. I've been dealing with those thoughts/cravings quite a bit here lately and it is unnerving. I know for me part of it is that I've embroiled myself in a bunch of chaos at work which keeps me pissed off the whole time I'm there instead of letting it go. So #1 my serenity has been squat. #2 I've gotten complacent on my program. I make meetings pretty much daily but have been dragging my feet on a second 4th step. I left work early yesterday and the whole way home I kept thinking about a drink. It was too early for a meeting so I came to the house to check the Internet. Then I got too thinking how much easier it would be to veg out in front of the puter. The desire for a drink started increasing and I grew more and more uncomfortable. I started looking hard at myself and realized that it was Friday evening and I was alone which is what I used to live for in my drinking days. I loved it because I drank in isolation and would drink til I passed out. If people were around then I had to wait til I got rid of them or pace myself if I was in a social situation. I knew early in sobriety that it was dangerous for me to be alone on weekends because of that but it is scary that 20 months later it still has that effect at times. I got up and got out of the house, went to the meeting early, stayed late and went out to eat with a group from AA. By the time I was done I was ready to come in and go to bed. Thank GOD I didn't give in to those thoughts! Today I have had no thoughts of drinking, have had a meeting and am getting ready to go to a party at an AA buddy's house where I can spend time with lots of women in sobriety.

Thank you so much for posting this. There is a thread on newcomers about relapse warning signs. That posting and this posting are both very good reading I think and definitely things I needed to see.

Hugs,
Kellye

2dayzmuse

I think there will always be times were the urge hits or you associate a certain time to drinking.

What matters is what you do to thwart it off, divert it and counterattack. I don't have the urge hit very often, I'm very thankful for that. For the most part, remaining sober has been easy for me. At the slightest inkling of a twinge for alcohol, I think back to my drinking days.

I think of how alcohol stripped me from my soul and destroyed my life. It held me captive for to long. That is enough to stop me straight in my tracks. Why would I ever risk going back to that? I can not believe I lived my life in such dissaray. It is very sad to think back to those days.

It has been 21 months of sobriety for me and the pain resulting from my drinking has a very strong impact on me still today. Those days are meant to never forget. They are there to help keep me sober.

I follow these trips down memory land with the serenity prayer. I will do whatever it takes to stay sober. I am not taking any chances of going back to my life of h@ll. If the urge continued I would pick up the phone and call someone. I have never had to do that of yet, but wouldn't hesitate if I needed to.

Keep going strong and don't forget your tools if you need to rely on them. Become stronger then the urge itself.

jimhere

What you are experiencing is not a craving. Craving for alcohol only happens when it is my system. Not drinking alcohol takes care of that part. Abstinence is the lowest form of sobriety. Spiritual growth is the essence of real sobriety. Without abstinence there will be no growth. Without growth, there probably won't be abstinence for long. Nothing wrong with being content, but what are you doing? Have you had a spiritual awakening as the result of all twelve steps? Are you perfecting and enlargening that through self-examination, prayer & meditation, and work & self-sacrifice for others? If you honestly look, you'll probably see that the root of what you are experiencing lies in one or more of those areas. What you are experiencing is not a craving for alcohol. It is a desire for ease & comfort.

Irish Virus

Well said. Last Wednesday, I was so wound up I wanted a drink real bad for the first time in awhile. I needed something to take the edge off like a beer or twelve. But I guess what I really wanted was ease and comfort. When I got home, I relaxed and vegetated for a bit. After that, everything was cool. The desire for a drink went away once I became more serene.

michaelj

Jimhere,
Are you saying that "real" sobriety is only achievable through spiritual growth? Are you also saying that if I refuse to believe in the power of spirituality rather than trust to empirical science I am doomed to fail?
Where do you get the information / proof that abstinence is the lowest form of sobriety. That's pretty condescending to someone like me who believes that abstinence is the be all and end all of sobriety.
In my humble opinion there may be room for the odd IMO or IMHO in your post, IMO.
Michael
Humanist and avowed atheist

gypsyrose

From one avowed athiest to another...

I frequently have to work at seeing through the cultish, religious, spiritual, god talk. I change the words "spiritual growth" to personal growth and remember that's what most people here at SR are working to regardless of the language. One of the nice things about this site is that so many people here are good about adding the "IMO" when being opinionated. Unfortunately, many people think of their religious beliefs as fact not opinion.

I can't comment on craving because I'm not an alcoholic, I just love one. I appreciate being able to learn about what alcoholism is like from the perspective of people trying to stay sober. Thank you for sharing.

leviathon

I really appreciate all of your comments and have something new to think about. I would also appreciate the insights of any others that may wish to contribute on their experiences and responses.

An IMO is useful if you are advocating one approach over another as the only method of sobriety to avoid this turning into an argument.

Again, I greatly appreciate all the feedback. T.

Sugasnaps

Yeah, I am wary of that happening to me. I expect those things to happen now at 4+ months sober but look forward to when it's not on my mind most of the time.

There is a lady in my AA group that is 15 years in the program. She and her husband went to Rome on a vacation and while there the family they were visiting had their own vinyard. They poured her wine at dinner and she declined saying she didn't drink alcohol and they were genuine when they told her that oh wine isn't alcohol it's part of our food! She said she didn't even think twice when she accepted the wine at that point... that it felt so normal and natural. After 15 years it was able to sneak back into her life just like that. No big moment, no big struggle, just slipped back in like it was innocent as can be.

Thankfully she said she came to her senses and she got herself to a meeting while she was over there. But after not letting it into her after 15 years for it to be so easy for her to let it back in without even a thought is scary.

Cunning, baffling... it really is.

Suga

lulu70

Leviathon--I like what Gypsyrose said about personal growth. I am currently working the 12-steps, attend AA meetings on a regular basis, and consider myself a spiritual being. However, I am still not certain that personal growth is a requirement for sobriety. I only know that it is a requirement for me. The work I do in my program helps me feel better about myself. It also lets me look at some of the problems I have and see that there is a solution. This, in turn, also helps me to feel better about myself. I believe that low self-esteem is at the core of my alcoholism, so whatever I do to increase self-esteem serves to lessen the effects of alcohol on my life, i.e., less "cravings." Whenever I do feel a desire to drink, it is usually because something is going on that is making me feel alone, less-than, or otherwise inadequate. I am in no way saying this is the case for you, just sharing my own experience. If you think it might be the case for you, I know of many people on this site who are using programs other than AA to change negative thinking. IMO (lol), it is at least worth looking in to!

jimhere

MichaelJ.
Growth is growth, tag any words onto that suit you. For an alcoholic, it is change or die, at least I believe. I am not saying that if you don't believe in "God" or whatever you want to call it that you are doomed to fail. What I am saying is unless and alcoholic continues to change and grow as a human being, he will probably drink again.
As far as where I got the facts about abstinence being the lowest form of sobriety, it is not my opinion, it is my experience. The whoe reason alcoholics drink is because they can't stand being sober. If your experience is different, that is fine with me. I wish you well on your journey.
Blessings,
Jim

jimhere

By the way-I didn't mean to imply that AA is the only path to sobriety or recovery, if you will. There isn't a right way or a wrong way, perhaps a best way for some of us. We all find our best way. I'm for any thing that helps an alcoholic.
Blessings,
Jim

michaelj

Jimhere,
I appreciate your responses and I respect your opinions. In the case of the alcoholic I know best, me, I drank because I loved the taste of beer wine and spirits, I loved the buzz I got from the first sip of strong alcohol and I tried my hardest to repeat the taste sensation amd the buzz until I was insensible. Insensibility was a by-product and not the intended goal. The fact that every additional swig reduced the cost benefit equation mattered not to me. I did not drink because I couldn't stand sobriety. Me and sobriety have always got along fine. Insobriety was a price I was willing to pay because the perceived bonus in taste and buzz that alcohol offered outweighed the subsequent payback.
Salutations
Michael

doorknob

This is why I have a hard time going to meetings, even though I really desire and need the group support.

Music

Thanks T.
Complacency is a bi-product of the attitude that tells me I've reached the point in my sobriety where I no longer have to put any effort into it. I've gone to enough meetings, there's nobody at the meetings who can tell my anything I don't already know, I've done enough work on the steps, etc. The Big Book refers to it as "resting on our laurels." I can't remember when the last time was that I had a "craving" to drink. However, I have looked at a Bud or Miller Light commercial and thought to myself, "Geez, a nice cold beer would taste good," followed immediately by a chuckle and the thought that I never ever drank "a beer," cold, hot, or otherwise luke warm. Of course, I think about what it would be like to go to a ti**y bar and get a lap dance, but I know where that would take me too. So, I think through the process to it's inevitable end and decide neither would be in my best interest.