Sobriety pending
Guest
Posts: n/a
Sobriety pending
Hello Friends,
I've come to a slow and painful realization that I am secondary in my own life. Drinking is foremost. I'm a slave to alcohol. I seem to be pretty good at "holding off" untill late afternoon or early evening, but I'm very effecient at making up for lost time through the course of an evening...I'm tired of it. This is the first time in 20 years that I've admitted to myself that this is a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm functional on the outside and miserable on the inside. As I browsed some of the posts and replies I was suprised by the emotion that welled up within me. I felt like crying? I percieve a dark road ahead that I can only hope will become brighter with progress. This seems strange, but the part that scares me most is that I don't know what kind of person I'll discover within myself with sobriety.
I've come to a slow and painful realization that I am secondary in my own life. Drinking is foremost. I'm a slave to alcohol. I seem to be pretty good at "holding off" untill late afternoon or early evening, but I'm very effecient at making up for lost time through the course of an evening...I'm tired of it. This is the first time in 20 years that I've admitted to myself that this is a problem that needs to be fixed. I'm functional on the outside and miserable on the inside. As I browsed some of the posts and replies I was suprised by the emotion that welled up within me. I felt like crying? I percieve a dark road ahead that I can only hope will become brighter with progress. This seems strange, but the part that scares me most is that I don't know what kind of person I'll discover within myself with sobriety.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi Bustedflush,welcome to the forum.
You have made a very important step by admitting you have a problem and that you need help.
One of the first things I would like to say to you is.Even though It may scare you now,the person you will find on your journey to sobriety is the warm,caring,loving and creative person that lives inside all of us.
I too was a slave to king alcohol for twenty years and the road ahead did look very dark indeed as I progressed deeper and deeper into the mad realm of my disease.
Finally just like you I came to apoint where I had to choose.Either go on to the bitter end of my alcoholism or seek the help that I knew was available in the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I have not had a drink for more than five years and I have no desire whatsoever for one.
AA is helping me to recover from what had then seemed a very hopeless state.They can help you too.
There are many wonderful people on this website that will offer you much support and encouragement.None of us can beat this terrible disease on our own so freely take the help that is offered here and in AA.
Once again welcome.We are so happy to have you.
Peter.
You have made a very important step by admitting you have a problem and that you need help.
One of the first things I would like to say to you is.Even though It may scare you now,the person you will find on your journey to sobriety is the warm,caring,loving and creative person that lives inside all of us.
I too was a slave to king alcohol for twenty years and the road ahead did look very dark indeed as I progressed deeper and deeper into the mad realm of my disease.
Finally just like you I came to apoint where I had to choose.Either go on to the bitter end of my alcoholism or seek the help that I knew was available in the programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I have not had a drink for more than five years and I have no desire whatsoever for one.
AA is helping me to recover from what had then seemed a very hopeless state.They can help you too.
There are many wonderful people on this website that will offer you much support and encouragement.None of us can beat this terrible disease on our own so freely take the help that is offered here and in AA.
Once again welcome.We are so happy to have you.
Peter.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Hi Bustedflush,
Welcome to the recovery forums. You've made a very important first step in admitting you have a problem. That is one of the hardest things you'll have to do in your recovery. Some people never get that far.
I am not sure if you have any plan but there is a wealth of information and resources on this website if you are thinking about going into a detox. If you need any help with that there are many people here who can help.
It's OK, I know it seems hard, I thought so too. But really, what we used to do by living a lie in the outside world and living in pain in the inside world is far far worse. Whatever you find from here on in will get better and better the longer you stay sober.
Welcome to the recovery forums. You've made a very important first step in admitting you have a problem. That is one of the hardest things you'll have to do in your recovery. Some people never get that far.
I am not sure if you have any plan but there is a wealth of information and resources on this website if you are thinking about going into a detox. If you need any help with that there are many people here who can help.
It's OK, I know it seems hard, I thought so too. But really, what we used to do by living a lie in the outside world and living in pain in the inside world is far far worse. Whatever you find from here on in will get better and better the longer you stay sober.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome busted, glad your here. The first step of admission was a whopper for me, the biggest 18 inch step I ever took was from my head to my heart, admitting I had a drug and alcohol problem.
Then I had to learn I was not a bad person trying to be good, but a sick person trying to get well.
Me, my family, friends, my life overall was secondary to my addiction(s) too.
Doug
Then I had to learn I was not a bad person trying to be good, but a sick person trying to get well.
Me, my family, friends, my life overall was secondary to my addiction(s) too.
Doug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: California
Posts: 233
The person you find on the other side of the bottle will be imperfect, flawed and very, very human. The person you find may surprise you. You may not like what you find but mostly you will.......eventually!!!
It was a fearful thing for me to put down the bottle and try the program. My path was made easier because I was miserable and really wanted to change, not just stop drinking, but really change my life. Sounds like you need a change too. Welcome. Have you been to any meetings? Have you rread the Big Book?
N
It was a fearful thing for me to put down the bottle and try the program. My path was made easier because I was miserable and really wanted to change, not just stop drinking, but really change my life. Sounds like you need a change too. Welcome. Have you been to any meetings? Have you rread the Big Book?
N
Guest
Posts: n/a
Thank You all for the support and encouragement. I have'nt deceided what avenue of help I'll need to kick this. AA is an option. I've gotten some meeting times and places that I'm considering. I've never attempted this before, but I don't think I'll need to go into a detox program. Right now I feel some nervousness and anxiety, but I'm in control. Thank you again. I'll keep you posted. Good, Bad or Indifferent
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 58
Welcome to the forum Busted...
I too was where you were once before. It has been a few good years for me and every day is a new day.
Keep coming back and posting - this is a great group
Just for today -
I too was where you were once before. It has been a few good years for me and every day is a new day.
Keep coming back and posting - this is a great group
Just for today -
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 189
Welcome
Welcome Busted,
Altough I show up "senior member" I am still really new here I have 46 days sober.
I do not think I could have done it without:
Sober Recovery
12 Step program
Fellowship in AA
And God
All of which I owe my gratitude.
Keep coming back. Let us know if we can help.
Altough I show up "senior member" I am still really new here I have 46 days sober.
I do not think I could have done it without:
Sober Recovery
12 Step program
Fellowship in AA
And God
All of which I owe my gratitude.
Keep coming back. Let us know if we can help.
Guest
Posts: n/a
reaching out >
Hi bustedflush,
Was just going to introduce myself as a newcomer, but i saw your post first and felt an instant connection.
Like you i have found myself being a slave to this insidious addiction. I have been a social drinker, for 20 years, but in the last two yrs...this habit/addiction has snuck into my life and bit me in the ass more times than i would like to admit. My separation from my ex and a family history, no doubt plays a huge part in this dependency, just never thought i would be one of them
Hang in there, hope we can talk some more and support one another...
Bye for now,
One-Der
ps Head really hurts today, after mixing red wine and Jagermeister last night...not a good thing!!!
Was just going to introduce myself as a newcomer, but i saw your post first and felt an instant connection.
Like you i have found myself being a slave to this insidious addiction. I have been a social drinker, for 20 years, but in the last two yrs...this habit/addiction has snuck into my life and bit me in the ass more times than i would like to admit. My separation from my ex and a family history, no doubt plays a huge part in this dependency, just never thought i would be one of them
Hang in there, hope we can talk some more and support one another...
Bye for now,
One-Der
ps Head really hurts today, after mixing red wine and Jagermeister last night...not a good thing!!!
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi One-der,welcome to the forum.
We all help and support each other here,regardless of how much clean-time we may have.
I may be sober a few years but my ego is not so big I feel I can't learn anything from a newcomer,so keep coming back.
Peter.
We all help and support each other here,regardless of how much clean-time we may have.
I may be sober a few years but my ego is not so big I feel I can't learn anything from a newcomer,so keep coming back.
Peter.
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2
Hi Bustedflush and One-der,
Welcome. Today is my first day at this site and I only have a couple months sober so that first day is still fresh. I found that if I went to meetings, got a sponsor and maybe a coffee commitment it helped me a great deal. Step one in the 12x12 says that "few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in singlehanded combat". "Alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources". I personally could not get sober on my own. Keep coming back! AA really does work!
Hawk
Welcome. Today is my first day at this site and I only have a couple months sober so that first day is still fresh. I found that if I went to meetings, got a sponsor and maybe a coffee commitment it helped me a great deal. Step one in the 12x12 says that "few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in singlehanded combat". "Alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources". I personally could not get sober on my own. Keep coming back! AA really does work!
Hawk
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Australia
Posts: 610
bustedflush...
"I'm a slave to alcohol" those were my words exactly! I, too came to the realisation it had to stop. This site helped me, AA helped me, many other things have since but at first these were crucial (AA still is, this place is a bonus I think!).
It takes courage to stand where you are and face up to this part of yourself. For me, I soon realised it is only a part of myself that can be explained, can be healed because its all been done before by so many alcoholics who know how to ease the burden and move on in life - and happily. I know it can be a scary thought (contacting AA), but personally I haven't looked back.
Best wishes
Love
DolphinBlue
It takes courage to stand where you are and face up to this part of yourself. For me, I soon realised it is only a part of myself that can be explained, can be healed because its all been done before by so many alcoholics who know how to ease the burden and move on in life - and happily. I know it can be a scary thought (contacting AA), but personally I haven't looked back.
Best wishes
Love
DolphinBlue
Paused
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 18
Hello,
I just wanted to add my welcome to Bustedflush, One-Der and Hawk to the forum, and congratulations to BikerPrincess for your 46 days. I'm glad all of you are here.
When I finally admitted that I needed help, things started to change for me. That is opposed to the two previous years that I went to meetings without wanting something better in my life.
It turned out to be a wonderful life when I just let go and let others and God be my guide.
I wish all of you the best.
I just wanted to add my welcome to Bustedflush, One-Der and Hawk to the forum, and congratulations to BikerPrincess for your 46 days. I'm glad all of you are here.
When I finally admitted that I needed help, things started to change for me. That is opposed to the two previous years that I went to meetings without wanting something better in my life.
It turned out to be a wonderful life when I just let go and let others and God be my guide.
I wish all of you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Nashville TN
Posts: 42
Sobriety pending
The Big Book of AA refers to it as "King Alcohol". Acceptance is the first key, and willingness is crucial. You have done enough "research" and now know that you cannot stop. Welcome aboard. The good news is that there is a solution to this horrible dilemma. The 12 steps of AA. I once could not imagine my life without alcohol. I was just like you. I could fight it off if I had to work or otherwise "function" until evening, and then it was on. During the day, I felt absolutely horrible, shaking and with the "Leaving Las Vagas" alcoholic coughing. I spent most of my day's off in a ritual of passing out between hammering liters of 101 proof Heaven Hill. ( I used to jokingly say that is where they will bury me). All of that changed when I finally surrendered to the fact that I have a disease. I cannot drink like everyone else. Will power alone is as effective with a drinking problem as it is with diarrhea. Not very affective. AA saved my life. I cannot begin to tell you how much my life has improved. It would take up this entire page. 16 months later, I could not imagine my life with alcohol in it. Go to some AA meetings a listen to the simularities of the people in there to your situation. Talk to them. They helped save my life. God's speed to you.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: medford, new york
Posts: 10
hi and welcome to this forum. it's really been a great source of help for me. maybe i'm just in one of those moods, but i'm gonna just spit this out. Snap out of it, get your life together, and stop whining about how alcohol has a hold on you. i felt just like you not too long ago, and when your in that state of mind, it feels like you'll never feel any different. but you know what? if you just get yourself some support from somewhere, anywhere, you'll start to feel your inner strength come back. i like to think of this as the Power of God. just grow up and if you want to have any kind of life and be any bit of a respectable human being, (and I'm sure you do), than get the *&^%$^& away from the booze by any means possible. you're wasting precious time. life is very short and before you know it, it'll be all over. AA has helped me too, and some proffessional counseling as well. oh, and have a great day!!!
Paused
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Elgin, Illinois
Posts: 2
Welcome
Welcome Bustedflush,
Thank so much for your message!
I know I have to keep coming back to remind my brain how sick and miserable I will be if I drink today.
Almost a month in this time around and im not really counting (this damn computer does it for me) I hope you get into detox if you need it, it can really help with the withdrawl and its a good place to get refferals and contacts.
I work second shift right now so I cant get to as many meetings as I would like to but, I do try to get online at this and other sites to spend some quite time working on my recovery.
One thing I really like is, because of the hours I work, I get to experience ending yesterday(SOBER) and starting today(also sober) kinda neat to me. anyway welome and thanks for keeping me sober today!
:shades:
Andy
Thank so much for your message!
I know I have to keep coming back to remind my brain how sick and miserable I will be if I drink today.
Almost a month in this time around and im not really counting (this damn computer does it for me) I hope you get into detox if you need it, it can really help with the withdrawl and its a good place to get refferals and contacts.
I work second shift right now so I cant get to as many meetings as I would like to but, I do try to get online at this and other sites to spend some quite time working on my recovery.
One thing I really like is, because of the hours I work, I get to experience ending yesterday(SOBER) and starting today(also sober) kinda neat to me. anyway welome and thanks for keeping me sober today!
:shades:
Andy
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