j'ade d'arcy

Had a strange experience this afternoon. I had been working all day and feeling really stressed. I started to feel the obsession of wanting to drink. I did all my mental exercises that I use to try to stave of the craving. Felt kind of off-kilter all day, and at one point was actually convincing myself that today was my day to relapse. Started to plan how I was going to get the booze after work and was beginning to relish the thought of getting drunk. Needless to say I was scared and called my counseller, told her what was happening and she gave me a pep talk and I made the decision that I would not use today.

Since I've been sober, there are a few routes home that I just don't use anymore. I find I'm safer if I use the most direct route. Luckily, my regular route was right there today at my connection and I didn't even have to wait, or be tempted to take one of the other routes in which case I'd have to make a transfer right in front of my old liquor store.

So there I am, on my way home, sober and without any booze in my bag! I'm still craving, but I'm on the way home and determined to stay sober. Then the weird thing happened. This man got on the bus, obviously very intoxicated. I looked at him and I saw myself in him. I remembered being like that, my clothes disheveled, maybe dirty from falling somewhere. He sat in the aisle across from me and spent the entire ride between passing out and falling half out of his seat to just sitting there with a kind of really sad looking alertness. I remember feeling that way, so drunk that I can't even sit up and in a weird way super alert that this is not the way I should be living. I felt even more sad thinking that when I was in that condition, I didn't even want help from anyone, I wanted to be in that state until I came to the conclusion that I couldn't go on living that way.

I feel so terrible about this addiction and how it eats people away. I felt empathy for that man today, and I felt frustrated that the only way for an addict to quit is for them to realize it's time. I feel angry that many never do. It is just such an insidious thing.

I'm also grateful that my ride home happened the way it did today. I don't believe in a higher power or anything like that, but the coincidence of it all was exactly what I needed today. Walking home afterwards, I was grateful for my sobriety and all thoughts of picking up were gone.

doorknob

Way cool!

DK

Peter

Nice story J'ade.

Perhaps you don't believe in a Higher Power, but methinks maybe a Higher Power believes in you.

brigid

Yeah, really nice story. How are those coincidences? Very special.

FriendofBill

Coincidences are just God's way of maintaining his anonymity.
In my opinion.

CarolD

O my....does HP have a sense of humor!!!

Have your read my post "Chy made me?" ?

I am so pleased you escaped drinking...

j'ade d'arcy

I'm going to go look up your thread Carol, thanks.

trytrytry

Sometimes you get what you need in a way you didn't expect...

j'ade d'arcy

I agree, and if it helps it's a good thing no matter how you look at it!!

Autumn

This sounds nice, and it's what I'd like to believe....

Who am I to say?

Coincidence or something bigger, everything happens for a reason. I'm glad you had this experience J'ade, and that you're another day sober.

Thanks for sharing.

xo

Music

Yup! Know what you mean! However, today I realize that the reason my feelings were so strong was because I was affected. Other diseases are just as insidious, if not more so. At least with an addiction, I have some degree of control. With cancer, MS; there is sometimes nothing that can be done. So, I quit blaming the disease and got grateful.

I think of this as a "God-incidence." An experience like this is what I call a "Spiritual experience." I have these experiences all the time. It's God's way of reminding me that He's there.

fuguestate

Everyone believes in something, even if it is only chance factors!

Dan

The Universe, she heard the troubles in your mind.
And she sent you a mirror, so you could actually see how more beautiful your humanity is when you're sober.
Great story, j'ade.

c'est la vie

Experiences like that give me chills.
I've read that part of the disease is the "memory loss" of how bad it is which makes it easy to convince yourself it will be OK this time. What a great opportunity for you to be reminded to stay sober when your memory loss was kicking in.

doorknob

My belief is that humans attach these "reasons" to events according to their own perception. Stuff happens! We put the spin on them, good or bad.

DK

trytrytry

DK,

Interesting point. A bit off subject but that reminds me of the recent tragedy with the Virginia coal miners. Is it still God's will when the result is bad?

Etimee

I love moments like these and I truly believe that there are signs in our everyday lives, we just happen to be fortunate and blessed at the times when we can be open enough to see them, feel them, embrace them and share them.

Thanks for sharing yours with us! It's a good reminder!