N.G.S

And luckily in one piece. I don't know where to start I guess what I have to say here is no new story of drinking and acting stupid to most of you. I guess I start with yesterday, which was my dads birthday. I started off the day with no intention of drinking and pretty much stuck with it till my brother wanted me to run down to the store and get him a fith of whiskey and told me I could pick up something for myself. So I go there, pick it up and drive back, debating to myself if I wanna get something for myself. Then I'm siting in the driveway with the car running and still thinking if I wanna go back and get some beer. Then I remember I had some girls number and I wanted to call her that night, so naturally I needed some beer in me to be able to talk to her. And with that I was off.

So fast forward a 12 pk latter and I was all ready to call, granted at this point I'm not drunk but I'm really buzzed. I made the call, and, well I bombed. She seem really uninterested in everything I had to say and seem like she would rather be anywhere else in the world but on the phone with me. So after a good 20-30 minutes I gave in and got off the phone with her. At this time I'm really disappointed as this seems to be a recurring theme in my life, I mite be able to set up, but I never can knock em down. So I drank some and then a little bit more. Then I get the bright idea to leave a offline IM with some other chick I haven't talked to in about 2 months. I can't quite recall what I left but I can guarantee it wasn't good.

So by this time I'm about at my peak and I'm bored hanging out by myself and it's time to call the drinking buddies. I get a hold of one who was already out drinking and was about done for the night, but still wanted me to come over and drink a few beers before going to bed. Now mind you I'm already drunk but I just go ahead and hop in the car anyway and head out there. Now I already have had one DWI and the way I've been acting lately number two isn't far behind or maybe worse a accident that evolves someone becoming seriously injured or worse, killed. So I get there everybody is asleep but my friend and she's pretty much hammered. Said she's been up for the last 2 days strait drinking. So in a nutshell, nothing new is going on. Anyway she ends up going to bed and I'm bored again and still ready to drink more, after I already polished off a case.

by this time I remember I have some other friends who are usually up and partying at that time of the night and they don't live to far from there. So yet again I hop right into my car and head on down the road. I get there and I see piled up in the kitchen a bunch of clothes and other belongings. apparently I missed a big fight and the one roommate decided to say to hell with it grab her **** and move out. So after having listening to the other half's story and things calm down we decided we needed some booze. The problem was though they were out, this was one of those drunken fights BTW. So now were on a mission to find some more but it was 2 in the morning and they quit selling. So with that in mind I said were I was at there was about a 30pk in the fridge from where I was at. So we get in the car and I'm thinking when I left I didnt lock the door, well I did. So then I get the brilliant idea to go the local grocery store that I thought was open 24hrs and I would run in and steal a bottle of something. Well we get there and the doors are locked. And being that I was low on gas and didn't want to drive halfway across town and try another store we gave up and went back to their place, where I proceeded to pass out shortly afterwards.

So here I am now, and that's just one night without me drinking to the max, that was a more tame night. I'm sure you all have similar or worse stories then that. I feel like I'm just getting worse with each passing day, month, and year with my drinking. Oh sure I can go through phases where I can force my self to be good and drink only once a month. But when I'm doing that and not drinking, all I can think about is getting drunk. I'm also at a bit of a crossroads that I want to stop drinking but I don't know what I should tell my friends and family, if anything at all.

I would tell my folks or my oldest brother that I'm gonna quit drinking and they would be supportive in my decision. But then we would have some vicious arguments once they saw I was back at it and then they would eventually just give up and let it go. As for my other 2 siblings, one would care less if I drank or not, the other, who's pretty much one of my drinking buddies would either laugh or just say yeah whatever. As far as my other friends, well we don't really share much in common other than we like to get drunk. I would be able to not call or show up for a good while and they wouldn't notice I was gone but i know they would eventually call for me and wanna have me out, what would I tell them or should not even bother telling them and just blow them off till they eventually get the message that I'm not interested in coming out. All they would do is laugh if I told them I quit. I remember drinking with them before and telling them that one day I'm gonna quit drinking and they just laughed and said that I'm the type who would never quit drinking. While I did say it in good humor, little do they know that is a sincere thought I had.

So I'm back and ready to give this sobriety another chance. I'm just so sick and tired of this lifestyle I'm living, and I don't see much of anything positive coming out of this. Anyway sorry for the long post here I just needed to vent somehow.

OnceNice

Well, I'm pretty sick of my life style too. Last night, I went out with one of the girls afterwork. Now mind you, I don't go anywhere. I usually stay home but she is my only drinking buddy. No one else will drink with me. Anyway, we go have some beers. I have four, then I too hop in my car and proceed to drive home. Thinking its early I can get another six pack, knowing I have a six pack at home, stop and buy another one. Only I have to drive out of the way because I buy beer everynight and I have to pick different places to buy my beer everynight. So the clerk's don't think I'm a drunk.
So I buy my six pack and go home. Tell myself I'm not going to stay up late because I have to be at work early in the morning, but I drink some more. I finished my six pack. Good thing I stopped for another so I could kill that one two. Now for the total evening Ihave drank 16 beers and smoked two packs of cigs in a 5 hour time period (which I think is good at the time). Go to bed and now I feel sick. I'm worried about not going out on Tuesdays with the girl after work. It's the only place I go other than sitting at home on my couch. I hate this life style too. Its getting old and so am I.

Justme57

Well, you 2 exhausted me, just reading your posts !

It is SUCH hard work being a drunk!

I think, IMHO that you should both ring AA, and get yourselves to a meeting, and get some help. I was 21 when I picked up my first drink, and 57 when I put it down, it doesnt need to be trhat long for you 2 .

There are alternative programmes, but because i only know AA that is all I can share. Either way, it requires ACTION and commitment.

HUGX
Lee

Cathy31

Lee, I totally agree! I think it's a great idea to pick up the phone to AA...just give it a try. It's not a nice lifestyle, and the problem is that it ESCALATES.

Thinking of you (((both)))

Cahty31
x

N.G.S

Thanks everybody. I can't help but to fear that in 3-4 days once my I feel all better and my cravings kick in that I'll be right back at it. Also I'm having difficulties on how I'm going to break this to people I know, especially my family who I've told dozens of time ago in the past that I was going to quit just turn back around and drink again. As far as AA goes, I've tried it in the past and I just didn't feel like it was for me. I hate speaking up in crowds, I'm not really much of a people person, and I'm not the sharing type. The only thing I know is that I need to quit drinking and find a newer better life.

trytrytry

NGS,
Felt like I was right there with you. That was a good piece of writing. You should do some more writing if you don't already. If AA is not for you (I'm not involved myself but respect it) my advice would be to extract yourself from negative influences (your drinking buddies) and find something you can focus your energy on to distract you from alcohol. Maybe you live somewhere where the main activity is getting f'ed up. I've lived in those places and you can get wrapped up pretty easily. I think you've got youth on your side though. Better to sober up now, before your health deteriorates or the DUI's add up. I didn't tell anyone that I quit drinking at first. Better to just do it than say it. When those cravings come, starting posting, and everyone will be here to listen....

IMHomerSimpson

Im not going to be much help here but Im just another "goin around in circles" drinker.It takes sooo much time to type a long post,I do know that,what it says is you did alot of thinking when you were in THAT mood.That mood does NOT last long.Its probably something WE cannot handle ourselves and the temptation after some time sober,"we are healed,not that bad of an alcoholic".Truth is we are in desperate need of help and choose to ignore our sober moments.I love being sober,,but am unhappy when drinking,total opposite of a non-alcoholic.Hey if you are sober now,go for a good,long run THIS time.Good Luck

brigid

The memories of those night came flooding back. Where can we get more booze, pubs are shut, who is up, where can we go? It's all too much. I quit drinking, found new things to do.

I was at an AA meeting last night (my 4th after 8 years not drinking) thinking how healthy it was to be able to share stuff. After being really shy about talking in public to be able to listen to other people say stuff about things that I could really understand and then say something myself. Very healthy and very healing.

We spoke about truth ... I could just about feel the relief in people speaking. Some had never spoken about a few of the things before last night. To get some of that stuff off our chests helps. It also gives us a social gathering that is safe. Try AA again, you don't have to speak if you don't want to. Hell, you don't even have to be sober, just want to stop drinking.

Keep coming and keep posting.

love brigid

ASH

Hi NGS,
Welcome back. Sounds like you are ready to make some changes.
Dont worry about what other people think, its not a priority for you to tell everyone right away.
Its just important to not drink,
give it a try, dont think about quitting forever,
I do much better when I just dont drink
one day at a time.
You can do it too

CarolD

If you can do nothing else at this time... stop driving.

Chabroso

Well said Carol. Thank God no one got hurt on the road.

I found those drinking posts so very sad and I am so grateful I don't have to live that way today.