Raising the frustration threshold.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Raising the frustration threshold.
Achievement.
What happens when we hit snags in our lives? In drinking, it was a common practice to chuck everything and just get drunk. This always made things worse, sometimes so much so that we forgot about the problem that triggered our frustrations.
Dealing with frustration is another part of growing up emotionally. Self-understanding in sobriety will help us detect surges of anger and irritation when things aren't going as planned. We'll recognize these feelings as being the same emotions that plagued us in our drinking days.
In sobriety, however, we are given choices. We actually do have the choice of pausing, letting the anger drain away, and then taking charge of the situation by knowing that God is working along with us. By doing this, we can eventually raise our threshold of frustration.
If some task or issue makes me angry today, I'll back off and place the outcome in God's hands. I'll know this is working when I have a change in feeling about it.
From the book Walk in Dry Places.
What happens when we hit snags in our lives? In drinking, it was a common practice to chuck everything and just get drunk. This always made things worse, sometimes so much so that we forgot about the problem that triggered our frustrations.
Dealing with frustration is another part of growing up emotionally. Self-understanding in sobriety will help us detect surges of anger and irritation when things aren't going as planned. We'll recognize these feelings as being the same emotions that plagued us in our drinking days.
In sobriety, however, we are given choices. We actually do have the choice of pausing, letting the anger drain away, and then taking charge of the situation by knowing that God is working along with us. By doing this, we can eventually raise our threshold of frustration.
If some task or issue makes me angry today, I'll back off and place the outcome in God's hands. I'll know this is working when I have a change in feeling about it.
From the book Walk in Dry Places.
Guilty, your honor.
My frustration level these days seems to be set on permanent press.
And while I think I'm managing as best I can to function through it or around it, as the case may be, there's days where I just can't let go of certain things. It's no fun, really...
So, I look at the pile of dirty laundry, I try to make sense of it.
I can complicate a pile of dirty laundry too...
There's days where keeping my side of the street clean just doesn't cut it. Nagging doubts about people and events persist... And I can almost set myself in obsession mode trying to understand why it's not going as planned...
Good old expectations.
I think I have a good handle on mine, seeing them for what they are, most of the time. But every now and again, something comes out of left field (yeah, sure it does
), grabs a hold of me like a vise-grip. How come he...? Why did she...? How childish of...
Makes for a crowded room in the already very limited space between my ears.
Through all this, I'm grateful I can at least find a chuckle in simple places.
Like when you get up in the middle of the night, do the call of nature business, and decide to check your email, just in case... And you find one of those pamphlets from one of those good will organizations next to the keyboard. It's titled Acceptance. Printed in 1976, purchase price of 25 cents.
It's got a picture of a dove on the cover.
And you open it and read it, just for fun.
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by Dan
Makes for a crowded room in the already very limited space between my ears.
Sometimes I think I think too much, it hurts. You are hurting me Dan, just joking - too true, too true ... Take a deep breath and walk away from frustration, don't take it on board, I have been concentrating on this lately too.
love brigid
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
I have a friend in recovery with some good sobriety who likes to say: " There are days I just don't feel like being an alcoholic"
Meaning there are days that are just so bad he don't wanna hear 'bout no Steps or Spiritual Principles. There are days he just wanna stay home and sit on his pity pot.
I laugh and I say "Just remember to flush when you done, ok."
Because I know how he feels.There are days when I just feel like pulling the plug and shutting down the plant but usually I will just lock myself in my truck and have a screaming tanctrum or I'll go home and put on Fleetwood Mac and bawl.
I don't work a perfect programme.But if I sense something is wrong I call someone.
I have rules for myself. But I am gentle with myself.
I try not to take more than I give.
I check my motives for doing things.
If I am having a bad day I try to remember that it is usually based on how I am "feeling" and my feelings are connected to my thoughts.
If I change my thinking,I can change my feelings and I can change the outcome of my day.
Thank you D for your contribution on self understanding.
Meaning there are days that are just so bad he don't wanna hear 'bout no Steps or Spiritual Principles. There are days he just wanna stay home and sit on his pity pot.
I laugh and I say "Just remember to flush when you done, ok."
Because I know how he feels.There are days when I just feel like pulling the plug and shutting down the plant but usually I will just lock myself in my truck and have a screaming tanctrum or I'll go home and put on Fleetwood Mac and bawl.
I don't work a perfect programme.But if I sense something is wrong I call someone.
I have rules for myself. But I am gentle with myself.
I try not to take more than I give.
I check my motives for doing things.
If I am having a bad day I try to remember that it is usually based on how I am "feeling" and my feelings are connected to my thoughts.
If I change my thinking,I can change my feelings and I can change the outcome of my day.
Thank you D for your contribution on self understanding.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
I know that if I don't pick up a drink, I equip myself with the HABIT of staying sober.
So, in theory, the only surest route - is to not pick up a drink. With that the rest is just plain old learning.
Spiritual concepts? Just made my head hurt. Your friend might have identified with me - and I dont blame him at all for sitting on his "pity pot".
So, in theory, the only surest route - is to not pick up a drink. With that the rest is just plain old learning.
Spiritual concepts? Just made my head hurt. Your friend might have identified with me - and I dont blame him at all for sitting on his "pity pot".
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted by Peter
...
If I am having a bad day I try to remember that it is usually based on how I am "feeling" and my feelings are connected to my thoughts.
If I change my thinking,I can change my feelings and I can change the outcome of my day.
If I am having a bad day I try to remember that it is usually based on how I am "feeling" and my feelings are connected to my thoughts.
If I change my thinking,I can change my feelings and I can change the outcome of my day.
'55 Classic
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Waco, TX
Posts: 637
“…there's days where I just can't let go of certain things.”
Dan,
When I have times where I can’t seem to let go of certain things, I do what my friend Ken S. says and I ‘try to hold on a little looser.” (A little bit at a time still gets the job done.)
“Makes for a crowded room in the already very limited space between my ears.”
That’s okay. My mind is like a bad neighborhood that I shouldn’t go into alone. What has made me feel a lot better lately is when I get stressed I start to read what you guys are posting that day. (Okay, okay… some of the stuff makes me feel a whole lot better than others.) But, I look at what you’ve written and then I realize that I’m not in this (life) alone.
And if all else fails, just remember the famous words of Groucho Marx who said, “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. It just wasn’t this evening.” Then go to bed early.
Dan,
When I have times where I can’t seem to let go of certain things, I do what my friend Ken S. says and I ‘try to hold on a little looser.” (A little bit at a time still gets the job done.)
“Makes for a crowded room in the already very limited space between my ears.”
That’s okay. My mind is like a bad neighborhood that I shouldn’t go into alone. What has made me feel a lot better lately is when I get stressed I start to read what you guys are posting that day. (Okay, okay… some of the stuff makes me feel a whole lot better than others.) But, I look at what you’ve written and then I realize that I’m not in this (life) alone.
And if all else fails, just remember the famous words of Groucho Marx who said, “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. It just wasn’t this evening.” Then go to bed early.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 38
Hi Dan
I am on like my 3rd week of being sober, I think it has forced me to look at life without that easy escape, I was doing pretty good until yesterday, my daughter (22 yr) decides to be unhappy and blame it on me in a load and not very nice manner. Ouch. I just had to walk away and count to 100, but at least I did not grab a beer. I think I will be able to deal with, cope with, get over these kinds of things, much better than I have in the past.
Zimmer
I am on like my 3rd week of being sober, I think it has forced me to look at life without that easy escape, I was doing pretty good until yesterday, my daughter (22 yr) decides to be unhappy and blame it on me in a load and not very nice manner. Ouch. I just had to walk away and count to 100, but at least I did not grab a beer. I think I will be able to deal with, cope with, get over these kinds of things, much better than I have in the past.
Zimmer
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
What has made me feel a lot better lately is when I get stressed I start to read what you guys are posting that day. (Okay, okay… some of the stuff makes me feel a whole lot better than others.) But, I look at what you’ve written and then I realize that I’m not in this (life) alone.
Through all this, I'm grateful I can at least find a chuckle in simple places.Like when you get up in the middle of the night, do the call of nature business, and decide to check your email, just in case... And you find one of those pamphlets from one of those good will organizations next to the keyboard. It's titled Acceptance. Printed in 1976, purchase price of 25 cents.
It's got a picture of a dove on the cover.
And you open it and read it, just for fun.
It's got a picture of a dove on the cover.
And you open it and read it, just for fun.
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Well, I know that the events on the board over the last week or so have taken my mind to some really ugly places I wasn't prepared to visit. It really friggin' hurts.
I hope you're feeling better today, Dan.
:boat
I hope you're feeling better today, Dan.
:boat
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Zimmer
I think I will be able to deal with, cope with, get over these kinds of things, much better than I have in the past.
That's one of the stongest arguements for sobriety, really.
Being able to cope with life.
Sometimes, impossible life situations, my old sponsor calls them.
That no matter what, we have nothing to gain in getting drunk; whatever is pissing us off now will most likely still be there when we crawl out of the bottle.
So we try and react in a different way.
And some days, it's as easy as saying well, there's really nothing I can do about it just this minute, so I'll move on to something else.
Hope your daughter cooled down
And three weeks, eh...
A lot of us are in for interesting moods in the three/four week stage. More so than usual, really. Of course, a lot of it depends on prior drinking habits and such, but for some reason, this time period in early sobriety can be extra challenging. It sure was for me.
Twice
Congrats Zimmer, for taking charge of your life.
It's not easy, but it's simple.
Don't drink even if your ass is on fire.
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