Advise needed,i have finally admited to myself i have a problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 5
Advise needed,i have finally admited to myself i have a problem
hi there,
i am a 24 year old man and i can finally admit to myself that i have a problem with alcohol and it scares the life out of me. i have tried to drink in moderation, to change drinks, to stop drinking altogether but i cant. i dont think ive ever been as scared of anything in my life as the thought of not drinking again even though i know it is something i must do. my life is quickly becoming a disaster. my job is suffering and they are not happy with me coming in drunk from the night before and coming in late all the time and not coming in at all. my last reklationship ended because of my drinking and the person i turned into when i was drunk even though i would have no recolection of what i would of done or said.i dont drink everyday even though i want to,i may drink 3 or 4 times a week and when i do i cant just go and have a few pints like my mates ,i just cant i always end up drinking until i am and well and truely drunk pr until ive ran out of money. when i drink at home say im havin a few beers its like ive got the taste for it after a few and i rummage through the house tryin to find something else to drink , specifically spirts,i only seem to be able to stop when i pass out.i drink to forget my problems and many times i prefer to drink alone..infact most of the time i would rather drink on my own. i am constantly blacking out, for hours at a time when i drink.i wake after being out and all i can think of is another drink. i suffer from horrible bouts of depresion and remorse after drinking. i just dont want to drink anymore however the thought of not drinking is a horrible and scarey thought that brings me to tears however i feel like a slave to alcohol when i do drink. i know there is a AA meeting on thursday and i was planning on going to that but i must admit i am scared.scared of telling my friends and family, scared that when i go to the meeting i will realise that i am an alcoholic at 24. Im scared ill go to the meeting and be the youngest there and not fit in, i dunno its just a horrilble time for me and the worst thing is i know i must stop drinking before i have no friends left and no job and sadly drive my family to far away. i have stomach ulcer and often suffer from terrible stomach problems for days after drinking when i just dont feel like eating and anything i do eat just runs through me.im sorry for the rant,its the first time ive ever said this to anyone altough alot of people close me have hinted i have a problem, and my ex has told me outright,she asked me to give up for two weeks and i couldnt even last 5 days.i have lost all hopeof any reconciliation with her because of who i am when i am drunk (never ever violent i would just like to add) and i have probably lost all hope of being even friends with her. I am hoping some of you could give me your thoughts and also tell me what i should expect and are my fears over going to my first AA meeting right ? what should i expect at the meeting or if indeed i need the AA.
I would like to thank any of you who read my post and especially those who reply. its a scarey time for me and thank you for listening
i am a 24 year old man and i can finally admit to myself that i have a problem with alcohol and it scares the life out of me. i have tried to drink in moderation, to change drinks, to stop drinking altogether but i cant. i dont think ive ever been as scared of anything in my life as the thought of not drinking again even though i know it is something i must do. my life is quickly becoming a disaster. my job is suffering and they are not happy with me coming in drunk from the night before and coming in late all the time and not coming in at all. my last reklationship ended because of my drinking and the person i turned into when i was drunk even though i would have no recolection of what i would of done or said.i dont drink everyday even though i want to,i may drink 3 or 4 times a week and when i do i cant just go and have a few pints like my mates ,i just cant i always end up drinking until i am and well and truely drunk pr until ive ran out of money. when i drink at home say im havin a few beers its like ive got the taste for it after a few and i rummage through the house tryin to find something else to drink , specifically spirts,i only seem to be able to stop when i pass out.i drink to forget my problems and many times i prefer to drink alone..infact most of the time i would rather drink on my own. i am constantly blacking out, for hours at a time when i drink.i wake after being out and all i can think of is another drink. i suffer from horrible bouts of depresion and remorse after drinking. i just dont want to drink anymore however the thought of not drinking is a horrible and scarey thought that brings me to tears however i feel like a slave to alcohol when i do drink. i know there is a AA meeting on thursday and i was planning on going to that but i must admit i am scared.scared of telling my friends and family, scared that when i go to the meeting i will realise that i am an alcoholic at 24. Im scared ill go to the meeting and be the youngest there and not fit in, i dunno its just a horrilble time for me and the worst thing is i know i must stop drinking before i have no friends left and no job and sadly drive my family to far away. i have stomach ulcer and often suffer from terrible stomach problems for days after drinking when i just dont feel like eating and anything i do eat just runs through me.im sorry for the rant,its the first time ive ever said this to anyone altough alot of people close me have hinted i have a problem, and my ex has told me outright,she asked me to give up for two weeks and i couldnt even last 5 days.i have lost all hopeof any reconciliation with her because of who i am when i am drunk (never ever violent i would just like to add) and i have probably lost all hope of being even friends with her. I am hoping some of you could give me your thoughts and also tell me what i should expect and are my fears over going to my first AA meeting right ? what should i expect at the meeting or if indeed i need the AA.
I would like to thank any of you who read my post and especially those who reply. its a scarey time for me and thank you for listening
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hello Stevo 
welcome to SR ! You will find support and friendship here.
I can so relate to your pain and hoplessness, it is JUST how i felt before I went to my first AA meeting. Like you , I loved to drink alone , I felt I was safer doing that. I drank to blackout too. The difference for me was that i had done this for 37 years! so I congratulate you on facing your problem early in your disease.
You know, even IF your are the youngest person at your first meeting, you will find that EVERYONE there has at some time been exactly where you are now. Also they have ALL been to their first meeting.
I was a shivering, dishevelled mess when I went to my first meeting. The overwhelming thing for me , was to observe the caring in the room, and the fact that people approached me with kindness and concern.I found it ( my first meeting) very confusing! I just sat , and tried to listen. I had a lot of trouble with concentration when I stopped drinking.
I heard to " keep comming back", and not to pick up the FIRST drink, and I would not get drunk"
JUST FOR TODAY! I was pleased to hear that one, cos I had no concept of stopping forever. I was given some phone numbers by some members, and I heard some things that i could relate to .
You know Stevo, you will find that as you recover, you can do ANYTHING in this life .......... except drink. And thats not half bad is it ?
I wish you the best luck , and am so happy that you are adressing your concerns at your age, I was 57 when I put it down, and now have just over 2 years sobriety. it has been an incredible journey! but I wish I had been ready sooner
HUGX
Lee
welcome to SR ! You will find support and friendship here.I can so relate to your pain and hoplessness, it is JUST how i felt before I went to my first AA meeting. Like you , I loved to drink alone , I felt I was safer doing that. I drank to blackout too. The difference for me was that i had done this for 37 years! so I congratulate you on facing your problem early in your disease.
You know, even IF your are the youngest person at your first meeting, you will find that EVERYONE there has at some time been exactly where you are now. Also they have ALL been to their first meeting.
I was a shivering, dishevelled mess when I went to my first meeting. The overwhelming thing for me , was to observe the caring in the room, and the fact that people approached me with kindness and concern.I found it ( my first meeting) very confusing! I just sat , and tried to listen. I had a lot of trouble with concentration when I stopped drinking.
I heard to " keep comming back", and not to pick up the FIRST drink, and I would not get drunk"
JUST FOR TODAY! I was pleased to hear that one, cos I had no concept of stopping forever. I was given some phone numbers by some members, and I heard some things that i could relate to .
You know Stevo, you will find that as you recover, you can do ANYTHING in this life .......... except drink. And thats not half bad is it ?
I wish you the best luck , and am so happy that you are adressing your concerns at your age, I was 57 when I put it down, and now have just over 2 years sobriety. it has been an incredible journey! but I wish I had been ready sooner
HUGX
Lee
body ~ mind ~ spirit
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Geelong, Australia
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by Stevo
scared of telling my friends and family, scared that when i go to the meeting i will realise that i am an alcoholic at 24. Im scared ill go to the meeting and be the youngest there and not fit in, i dunno its just a horrilble time for me and the worst thing is i know i must stop drinking before i have no friends left and no job and sadly drive my family to far away.
Welcome to SR! You know I have always thought if I had been video taped during my times of black out and watched it sober I would have seen myself and known that I should quit. Your family and friends probably already know more about you than you do. Don't be too scared, feel good about doing something positive about your problem.
I have felt much better about myself through being able to admit to other people that alcohol is a problem for me and that my life is no good when I drink. People have been very supportive, they want me to do well and recover. The ones that weren't had their own issues with alcohol.
I would like to tell you about AA, but there will be heaps of posts from AA members telling you what to expect, it is all good.
love brigid
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Welcome Stevo. You are not alone with what you are experiencing.
In fact I got goosebumps reading your post because you sounded exactly like me when I was 24. Except at that point I drank everyday.
In my country alcohol and marijuana is so readily available and socially accepted that it became a part of my life from I was sixteen years old.
My life centerd around it and in six years I was a full blown alkie.
I knew from very early that I was in trouble with drinking but like you I secretly and desperatly kept seeking ways to moderate but only ended up getting worse and worse.....
...I loathed the thought at giving it up for good. My mind recoiled in horror at the thought.....
I still loved alcohol too much and the lifestyle associated with it....the bars, strip clubs the football and cricket matches...the weekend barbeques.....the all night sessions.....the raucousness.....it was engrained in my life..
....surely to give up alcohol was to be condemned to I life of boredom and misery...
Eventually my friends and lovers began to leave me..... I was sleeping in cars and abandonded buildings because my landlady had kicked me out and my family despised me....I became a solitary drinker and with my life falling apart around me I still clung desperately to a bottle of cheap vodka like my life depended on it.....
It all happened very quickly but with the promise of a drink I went to visit someone who was a member of AA and the very next night I was at a meeting......
I too felt some terror about going but by then I had run out of options.....
I stayed and listened respectfully to what everyone had to say then one night after
about three or four weeks I announced in the parking lot after the meeting that I was not an alcoholic and I could make it on my own now.
I even tried to return the Big Book that one of the members had given me as a gift but he laughed and said "Keep it, you might need it again someday"
And thus I said farewell. I felt certain now that with the new information I had gleaned in AA I was finally going to be able to control my drinking.
Three months later I was lying in a puddle of vomit in a cheap hotel room 150 miles from my nearest friend with no money no hope and no idea how I got there. I had been robbed by a prostitute I had picked up the night before.
It was a Sunday morning and in the distance I could hear a church bell ringing and it was the lonliest sound I had ever heard in my life....I knew I was done....I was done...
....my friends welcomed me back to AA and I have been there ever since.
Fear had become my greatest enemy.
It was fear that fuelled my drinking in the first place.
Fear of lonliness and rejection.
Fear of failure.
Fear of opening up.
Fear of people.
Fear of boredom.
There is a whole life out there. I had no idea I could be happy without alcohol.
I have come through some of the most difficult times of my life without alcohol because today I have something I never had before.
I have faith that life will get better.
I have courage to face my challenges
I have a better understanding of myself.
Visit your doctor and get a thorough check up. Tell him about your drinking.
Continue posting here and hopefully you will meet some people you can identify with.
Best of luck to you
In fact I got goosebumps reading your post because you sounded exactly like me when I was 24. Except at that point I drank everyday.
In my country alcohol and marijuana is so readily available and socially accepted that it became a part of my life from I was sixteen years old.
My life centerd around it and in six years I was a full blown alkie.
I knew from very early that I was in trouble with drinking but like you I secretly and desperatly kept seeking ways to moderate but only ended up getting worse and worse.....
...I loathed the thought at giving it up for good. My mind recoiled in horror at the thought.....
I still loved alcohol too much and the lifestyle associated with it....the bars, strip clubs the football and cricket matches...the weekend barbeques.....the all night sessions.....the raucousness.....it was engrained in my life..
....surely to give up alcohol was to be condemned to I life of boredom and misery...
Eventually my friends and lovers began to leave me..... I was sleeping in cars and abandonded buildings because my landlady had kicked me out and my family despised me....I became a solitary drinker and with my life falling apart around me I still clung desperately to a bottle of cheap vodka like my life depended on it.....
It all happened very quickly but with the promise of a drink I went to visit someone who was a member of AA and the very next night I was at a meeting......
I too felt some terror about going but by then I had run out of options.....
I stayed and listened respectfully to what everyone had to say then one night after
about three or four weeks I announced in the parking lot after the meeting that I was not an alcoholic and I could make it on my own now.
I even tried to return the Big Book that one of the members had given me as a gift but he laughed and said "Keep it, you might need it again someday"
And thus I said farewell. I felt certain now that with the new information I had gleaned in AA I was finally going to be able to control my drinking.
Three months later I was lying in a puddle of vomit in a cheap hotel room 150 miles from my nearest friend with no money no hope and no idea how I got there. I had been robbed by a prostitute I had picked up the night before.
It was a Sunday morning and in the distance I could hear a church bell ringing and it was the lonliest sound I had ever heard in my life....I knew I was done....I was done...
....my friends welcomed me back to AA and I have been there ever since.
Fear had become my greatest enemy.
It was fear that fuelled my drinking in the first place.
Fear of lonliness and rejection.
Fear of failure.
Fear of opening up.
Fear of people.
Fear of boredom.
There is a whole life out there. I had no idea I could be happy without alcohol.
I have come through some of the most difficult times of my life without alcohol because today I have something I never had before.
I have faith that life will get better.
I have courage to face my challenges
I have a better understanding of myself.
Visit your doctor and get a thorough check up. Tell him about your drinking.
Continue posting here and hopefully you will meet some people you can identify with.
Best of luck to you
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hello Stevo--Welcome to SR! Glad you found us. Your post really touched me because I could have written it. I am an alcoholic named Laura, and I have been blessedly clean and sober for almost 22 months. It is truly a miracle.
Others have given you good advice already, but I would have to add my encouragement to give AA a try. I got sober in AA the first time when I was actually a little bit younger than you. Unfortunately, I was too cocky to let it stick and I only managed to stay quit for about a year. It was over 11 years before I made it back.
The people at AA will welcome you with open arms. All of them are there because they were tired of the havoc alcohol was bringing to their lives. They have all been where you are right now.
Hang in there, and I hope you will keep posting!
Hugs--
Others have given you good advice already, but I would have to add my encouragement to give AA a try. I got sober in AA the first time when I was actually a little bit younger than you. Unfortunately, I was too cocky to let it stick and I only managed to stay quit for about a year. It was over 11 years before I made it back.
The people at AA will welcome you with open arms. All of them are there because they were tired of the havoc alcohol was bringing to their lives. They have all been where you are right now.
Hang in there, and I hope you will keep posting!
Hugs--
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR! 
Great to see you here looking for answers.
Here is info on AA meetings...
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/...AA_Meeting.html
Blessings...
Great to see you here looking for answers. Here is info on AA meetings...
http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/...AA_Meeting.html
Blessings...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ireland
Posts: 5
thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts with me and listening to me ,i really mean that .it makes me feel there is hope for the future, however i now know if i continue to drink my life will just be a lonley misery. thank you for your kind words and advise and sharing your own feeling with me
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Northeast, USA
Posts: 39
Stevo,
I have a story much like yours and I just started AA. What to expect? For me it was alot like posting on this board. Nervous, hesitant, and unsure. After taking the initial step, just a sense of relief. Everyone has their own story but we all share the addiction in common. It is nice to be around folks who REALLY know where you are coming from. I took the advice of others here and just went and listened. I find myself happy to go back. IMHO you should give it a shot, see how it goes.
Good Luck.
I have a story much like yours and I just started AA. What to expect? For me it was alot like posting on this board. Nervous, hesitant, and unsure. After taking the initial step, just a sense of relief. Everyone has their own story but we all share the addiction in common. It is nice to be around folks who REALLY know where you are coming from. I took the advice of others here and just went and listened. I find myself happy to go back. IMHO you should give it a shot, see how it goes.
Good Luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 99
I don't have a lot to add. You've received some good advice here already
You sound very much like me only 6 months ago. The difference is I was/am 34...not 24. How I wish to God I could get those 10 years back!
You realize already, at such a young age, what you're doing to yourself. NOW is the time to get help. Give yourself a chance at a good life
You sound very much like me only 6 months ago. The difference is I was/am 34...not 24. How I wish to God I could get those 10 years back!
You realize already, at such a young age, what you're doing to yourself. NOW is the time to get help. Give yourself a chance at a good life
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