longrun04

I was married to my husband for 5 years, he is a alcoholic. I am now divorced from him. I love him very much, but I had to leave. I have so many questions about alcoholism. I would like to know if it can make you crazy? When and if he goes to rehab will they hit on his past? He drinks everyday ( 30pack) what will he go through when he is in rehab? Can he die from withdraw of beer? He is missing right now and I hope and pray that he is in rehab and ok. I think about him 24 hrs a day. It is very hard to get on with my life at times. I just would like to know what a alcoholic goes through.

Thanks

best

I wouldn't know how to put it into words.
A mix of feelings with denial and acceptance rolled into one then the two start to separate as lightbulbs start to go off as each lesson of recovery is learned.
It seems like a change happened over night but at the same time it took years for the change to happen.
sorry I can't really put it into words any better then that.

Each person may be different as well.
Detox can be dangerous but so can't continueing to drink. I didn't need detox, so I can't answer beyond that.


What would be good... look for Al Anon meetings and you will find much help and support at them. Many answers can be found at meetings.
Read the sticky posts under the Friends and family thread. I am sure you will find some helpful answers there as well.

Junkyard Dog

Alcohol is alcohol, beer or whiskey- there is no difference. He is drinking a 30 pack a day. Detox will be difficult at best. He must be under doctor's supervision to come off that amount of alcohol, especially when I assume he has been at that level for a long period of time. If he tries it alone he risks MANY health hazards and even death. Not trying to scare you. A doctor will make it safe for him.

As far as touching on his past during rehab, that is totally up to him. They are not going to make him identify any of the factors that make it easier for him to drink. He must bring these to the surface himself. Sure, a good counselor might be able to help him draw it out, but ultimately it has to be him speaking the words.

Good luck to you and your ex-husband.

longrun04

What happens if there is not a doctor there. Do they keep an eye on the person? What happens if he lie's about how much he drinks? He has been at a 30 pack for 3 years. Before that 12 to 24.

nutz

Try not to worry so much about him. He is in a good place and getting
help.

Focus on yourself and your will being and get help and support
for yourself. Being a co-dependent is just as damaging as being
an alcholic. Sometimes even sicker.
You need to heal and recover just as much or more than he dose.

I read LOVE is CHIOCE.
It opened my eyes to my co-dependency and how sick I was.
There's probably many books avaliable on this subject.

A story of a medic(me, loyal) trying to save a wounded or dying
soilder in the middle of a battle, being shot at.
The delima was that if they both stayed there, they were probably
both going to dy. But the woulded soilder kept crying out "don't
leave me, I'm hurt, please help me" So the medic stay out of
guilt. But the medic had no resorces or cover from the mechine gun
fire. And the only thing the medic had was just some banages for
the soilders great wounds. But every time the medic try to move the
soilder , the soilder would scream, cried from pain. But out of guilt the
medic did not the leave the wounded soilder to seek for help.

The wounded soilder was going the dy from bleeding and medic
was going to get shot himself and dy also. So what the medic
was doing wasn't helping or healthy for both of them.
A CO-dependent person dose the samething.

Sometimes a helper need peaple to be sick so they can be the helper.

Me....I'm a loyalist....it's a good charecter to have.
But when it's unhealthy.

U know....I'll go though thick and thin becuase I'm loyal.
The thing of it is....my partners are the one's who's living
the thick and thin part.

fraankie

sounds like the medic was a hero to me
how often we shun others with their problems
i share from personal experience
of the one being left on the battle field
but
for how many, did i stay with on the battlefield
and perish with them
at least, i know i did what my heart told me
instead of a psychobabblist
(no offense)
so
find your ex-husband
and support him

best

fraankie
That is a bit harsh.

My wife supported me and bent over backwards trying to help me.
Till "I" was ready to change, all her efforts did nothing at the time.
I could have told her to jump through flaming hoops and she would have... that is how hard she was trying. Till "I" was ready, willing, and wanting...I wasn't going to change and she couldn't change me, even with all her support she gave.

Can't blame others for things I have done of my own free will.

jlo34

You will find all of your answers there and a program for you to learn to heal and also get better. My mom's in Al-Anon and it has been great (not always on my part!!!) having someone who cared enough about me to get help for themselves and was willing to learn about what I was going through. Through the way she learned all sorts of other lessons...which has ultimately changed the pushover, low self-esteemed woman I once knew and created a woman who is now self-confident, has self-esteem, pride and feels great about the person she is today (amongst so many other fantastic qualities!!).

Please check out Al-Anon.

Blessings,
Jen

Music

You say you love your X, but if you want to be all tangled up in what's going on with him, where he's at, if he's ok...etc., why did you divorce him? You're going to drive yourself nuts. Say he is in treatment and comes out looking for you. You're going to need treatment of some sort if you keep up this way. Go to Al-anon. Go to a treatment center and ask questions of the people who know. Sounds to me like you're thinking if he did sober up you might have hopes of getting back together. That happens, but it's risky to say the least and you still need to be in good shape. Take care of yourself.

FriendofBill

Keep your feet in today, hun.

He is NOT in treatment today, so the questions you ask dont matter, as far as whats going on today.

What can you do today to live your life, happily?

Try al-anon, works for me!

Cap3

Hey Longrun04,of course you are concerned.Being married to this man for 5 years.You say that you think about him,24 hours a day,though.This could become an obbession,if continued.Balance for me is da key.By all means get all the info about alcoholism,while keeping the focus on you also.{my own opinion here}Its good to be informed.An understanding of sorts,but know still that you wont completely understand unless you too are an alcoholic.You say that you would like to know if it can make you crazy...depends,on, who you are..And what you are telling yourself about alcoholism.No on drove me crazy,i drove myself crazy though.Big time.Until i came to both recovery programs,AA/Al-anon.When i took the focus of him and started to live in my own recovery,doing the do things.It was then that my total life began to change.No matter what i learned it never changed him.He made changes when he had the desire to change,and change those things that he wanted to have changed.
You say that you hope and pray that he is in rehab,and ok.Thats all really that you can do for him.Let go,Let God.You are a very compassionate,and caring person.Im happy for you that you are not bitter and angry.These are the things that i needed to work on,for myself.I came to al-anon,like a raging bull.A bull though that had had enough,and was willing to do anything for my own recovery...There are many different rehabs,and do things a little differently.So i dont want to confuse,here.
All the best to you,
my prayers are with you and your Xhub,
God Bless,and take care!!!!!!!!