Fell off
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: London
Posts: 53
Fell off
Hi all,
I fell off the wagon after over 8.5 months. I'm going on holiday tomorrow so I'm not going to try and get back on until I get back. I don't know what went wrong, I can't analyse at the moment. I think maybe I read so many stories about how people have one longish failed attempt before giving up for good. I talked myself into thinking this was mine and I needed to fall off in order to get back on for good. It was a rationalisation.
Anyway I'm going on holiday tomorrow and when I get back I will try again. Hopefully nothing too bad will happen on holiday. They say this is a progressive disease and that's true. It now feels like I never stopped. I drank last night and went to a pub this morning and have drunk all day although I'm not in a mess. But I know it's only a matter of time. Sometime soon I will be in a mess. I can't say I'll give up again when I return from holiday as that would be assuming I have some control over this and I don't. What I can say is I'll come here and share this experience and the experiences over the next few weeks and hopefully will have the resolve to quit again soon.
I'm not religious but today I'm thinking more and more that any recovery I have is going to have to be based in spirituality. What I wish more than anything right now is that I believe in God. I can't do this alone.
I love all the people here that I've never met. God I sound like a drunkard !! Isn't that what we used to say in bars to people we didn't know - " I Love you man". What a waste of space. I hope anyone who reads this can discern the sadness in my soul at the moment. I'm full of the false love of alcohol which is purely and simply the love of ones self.
I'm going to sign off now and log back on sometime when I return from hols, in about a week and a half. I hope everyone here remains sober and happy because while I was sober, I was happy. Now I'm drinking again I'm not anything. My feelings are gone and have been replaced by the fake feelings of alcohol.
Lawry.
I fell off the wagon after over 8.5 months. I'm going on holiday tomorrow so I'm not going to try and get back on until I get back. I don't know what went wrong, I can't analyse at the moment. I think maybe I read so many stories about how people have one longish failed attempt before giving up for good. I talked myself into thinking this was mine and I needed to fall off in order to get back on for good. It was a rationalisation.
Anyway I'm going on holiday tomorrow and when I get back I will try again. Hopefully nothing too bad will happen on holiday. They say this is a progressive disease and that's true. It now feels like I never stopped. I drank last night and went to a pub this morning and have drunk all day although I'm not in a mess. But I know it's only a matter of time. Sometime soon I will be in a mess. I can't say I'll give up again when I return from holiday as that would be assuming I have some control over this and I don't. What I can say is I'll come here and share this experience and the experiences over the next few weeks and hopefully will have the resolve to quit again soon.
I'm not religious but today I'm thinking more and more that any recovery I have is going to have to be based in spirituality. What I wish more than anything right now is that I believe in God. I can't do this alone.
I love all the people here that I've never met. God I sound like a drunkard !! Isn't that what we used to say in bars to people we didn't know - " I Love you man". What a waste of space. I hope anyone who reads this can discern the sadness in my soul at the moment. I'm full of the false love of alcohol which is purely and simply the love of ones self.
I'm going to sign off now and log back on sometime when I return from hols, in about a week and a half. I hope everyone here remains sober and happy because while I was sober, I was happy. Now I'm drinking again I'm not anything. My feelings are gone and have been replaced by the fake feelings of alcohol.
Lawry.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((Lawry)))
Oh, hon - I was a bit concerned about you this week- I have a highly tuned relapse-radar. (If anyone wants to use it, just let me know).
You can get back on the old sobriety horse, hon. You know how to do it.
Have a great holiday - where are you going?
Love
Minnie
xxx
Oh, hon - I was a bit concerned about you this week- I have a highly tuned relapse-radar. (If anyone wants to use it, just let me know).
You can get back on the old sobriety horse, hon. You know how to do it.
Have a great holiday - where are you going?
Love
Minnie
xxx
Been there and done.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: West Coast North America
Posts: 269
Lawry:
Consider not drinking on holiday. a change of pace can be an opportunity to stop if it gets us away from old haunts and nests.
If it comes to you at some point, please share with us what got you started drinking again. Help us learn from you.
Consider not drinking on holiday. a change of pace can be an opportunity to stop if it gets us away from old haunts and nests.
If it comes to you at some point, please share with us what got you started drinking again. Help us learn from you.
Only by the Grace of God....
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
Hey Lawry,
Sorry to hear about your choice to drink.
I've been there many times and have made the wrong choice(s) - like: not talking to anyone about it, not going to a meeting, not praying, not reading something (BB, Bible, Meditation Book), not locking myself in a closet, not pouring out that beer I just opened, not punching myself in the stomach after I opened the beer, not snuffing out the joint, etc. you get the picture.
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT LIKE MANY OF US DO.
Get back on the horse and yes you are right...it is very hard, some say impossible, to stay sober without a higher power/GOD in your life and in your recovery program.
Remember: God either IS OR HE ISN'T. What do you choose to believe?
Take Care
Sorry to hear about your choice to drink.
I've been there many times and have made the wrong choice(s) - like: not talking to anyone about it, not going to a meeting, not praying, not reading something (BB, Bible, Meditation Book), not locking myself in a closet, not pouring out that beer I just opened, not punching myself in the stomach after I opened the beer, not snuffing out the joint, etc. you get the picture.
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT LIKE MANY OF US DO.
Get back on the horse and yes you are right...it is very hard, some say impossible, to stay sober without a higher power/GOD in your life and in your recovery program.
Remember: God either IS OR HE ISN'T. What do you choose to believe?
Take Care
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