Millwallj

...I really want to stay sober. By crook or by hook, by AA or by lobotomy (it is an option).

Isnt this disease just the pits sometimes? We all have this horrific responsibility, this near threat all the time.

I hope for a happy ending to the nightmare of my life so far. I want to spin round and say ssssshhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeesh glad that is all over with.

Tonight I am going to relax around the house naked - just let it all hang out and be free and enjoy being alive. Sorry about the imagery.

I really want to stay sober. GUYS I really WANT TO STAY SOBER.

Wish me luck.

I am on my second and a half year of sobriety and still the reality of my illness is crashing in on me.

I am a lunatic (like this bloke) who wants to be sober, happy, and of use. Those are my three main goals in life.

Thanks for reading this, I feel pathetically weepy, because I have just had a hard day.

Peace.

Anna

Mill,

You already are 'of use', at least from my point of view. I always like your posts and you often get me thinking.

But, I know what you mean. Sometimes I would just like to put this disease aside and live my life without this hanging over me. But, then I remember that I wouldn't be the 'me' I am today with this disease. I was not a happy person for years before I started drinking and I was not a happy person while I was drinking. But, I am happy today.

Hang in there Mill, you're right where you should be.

Love, Anna

Digger

Millwall you have helped me tremendously since i arrived here two weeks ago,
1 I to do not enjoy the AA thing and am looking for another way

2 I thought I was the only Lions fan on earth

3 I now know that Iam not the only one

4 Not only am i not the only but the other one is an ALCOHOLIC too. Keep Digging Mate

AndrewBeen

I REALLY liked your expression:
"sober, happy, and of use."

Great thought, well said. One I will remember.

Thank you for that.

michski

Thanks for your post Millwallj! I understand your frustation. I've got 3 and a half years on Sept 10 and I still have days when I feel like I'm unravelling before my very eyeballs. Certainly I have better days than when I was out there but I still have a kind of a delayed reaction to my feelings that throws me for a loop sometimes. I guess I just spent so much time NOT feeling anything that even after this amount of time I still find myself getting anxious and crazy for no immediate reason....

There are times I just plain feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Yeah, I'm nuts too.

Gooch

Your definately not alone Mill. I have those occasions ... but like they keep telling me all that matters is what I do with now. And for over 14 years I have just for now decided that I won't pick up the first one and wait and see what the impending now brings.And if I don't start the horrrendous chain reaction, I have a better chance of being sober, happy, and of use.

The only thing the time gives me is that reassurance and evidence that they've been telling me the truth ever since I started wanting to hear it.

Millwallj

Thanks for the replies guys. Very nice.

I have concluded, along with Gooch, that if I dont pick up, I am a member of the human race, doing what we all do: surviving.

Happiness is great, when it comes, now and then.