Don S

My suggestion would be to put #5 first.

People who achieve longterm sobriety have three characteristics in common:
--they make a firm commitment to abstinence.
--they make lifestyle changes to enhance that commitment.
--they plan and practice for urges and drinking situations.

Some people do find the impetus for change from those around them: their kids, their spouses, their jobs, legal situations. Usually we then find that to sustain that commitment, we really have to do it for ourselves. Whether you seek support from a higher power or work to strengthen your own resources really depends on your philosophy and style.

You may find it helpful to seek support by talking with others, or by visiting forums. Just don't stay away from places like this when you could use a friendly voice or sympathetic ear. These forums would be really boring if they were just a bunch of sober people talking to each other.

So please keep posting....
Don S

historyteach

Cool!!!
I wish you all the best on your journey!
Shalom!

Dan

In the immortal words of Townes Van Zandt, we have a choice. The blues, or zip-a-dee-do-dah

2dayzmuse

So it's settled then? You're staying. I enjoy your posts and you have alot to offer everyone. Your helping others more than you may know. I remember being right where you're at today. It took a long process to get to where I'm at today. Simply put, I learned through trial and error. Oh and one other thing. I want you to stay because you're pretty darn funny too.

Yeah, I think we discussed this one before. It sounds as if your starting to see that for yourself. Scary isn't it? The slop is pretty scary wherever you stand. Either looking up or looking down, it still poses quite a challenge. Heading up just seems like a better choice to me. I'm glad to see you back posting again. Hang in there Joe, your trying. Keep trying.

Brookie

Thanks LeAnne. I'm back. Going to stay sober today, and let tomorrow take care of itself. The difference this time (I hope) is that last time around I never reached a point that I wanted sobriety. I wanted to avoid the consequences of my drinking, but I still wanted to drink. I'm starting to get more realistic about that one. I'm coming to accept the fact that I can't have the alcohol without the consequences, and wishing it were different is just going to pull me back down into a place I do not want to be. I've also done a few things that a person can't expect to repeat very often while maintaining the respect of their families and living a long, full life.

So yup, I'm back, a year after coming in the first time. Hopefully, a little wiser about the deal this time, a lot more grateful to be here, and carrying a lot less ego to weigh me down. Thanks for the welcome, and for all your support in the past. I'm glad to be back.

Brookie

I'm not sure that's exactly how my dangerous hero Townes meant that quote. But then, I gather he died an awful death, regretting big portions of his life. Check out his song "Holes" if you've never heard it. It will scare the bejezus out of you.

I'll say this for where my head's at. You're already aware of my current musical kick. Bluegrass definitely ain't the blues.

Don S

I've found rock musicians make excellent reverse role models for my kids. We talk about what kind of careers Janis or Jimi might have had, how much tighter the Doors music would have been without heroin. Ray was an uplifting, yet realistic, movie: the mix of genius and addiction.
And one listen to Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt on his last CD is so haunting it just could put someone off needles for life.
Don S

wolflet

hope you decide to stay........on the idea of getting rid of all the alcohol, this may not work but...dump it all out, but maybe you could give the vintage stuff & the sentimental stuff as gifts to friends who don't abuse it...if you have some, seems like they ( the bottles) are sacred in some way & giving them away might be easier thatn dumping them...tho dumping them might be very powerful also

i hit a point where i decided i needed to do this for ME also...tho kids are important......i decided that i wanted to stop killing myself (drinking/&other addictions are the cowards' suicde)..........keep on keeping on

Dan

They're only a few chords apart, according to Waylon

Don, thanks for the musical insight.
Indeed, what would Jimi have done with those hands and that talent?

michaelj

Brookie,
I am fairly new to this site and have not had the pleasure of reading your posts before. I have gone through exactly the same mental processes that you are tackling right now.
I finally admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic and that only a personal and individual choice of sobriety would work. You can not become sober to please others.
Once I had arrived at my decision I told my wife and her support has been invaluable to me. I made the choice of sobriety for purely personal reasons but I think we have to realise that the impact of our decision on our families is potentially enormous.
Like you I have a house full of booze and I made the decision not to dispose of a single drop. I did not see any benefit to removing it. My family, who all drink moderately, would be inconvenienced and would be denied a drink because of something that affected only me. In any case there are unlimited supplies of booze within afew minutes walk from my home. Walk to the pub or walk to my garage, what is the difference?
I would keep the Dom Perignon and the port and offer them to family or friends to celebrate an anniversary or a birthday. You have kept them this long without being tempted so they clearly have a meaning for you. Use them to celebrate what they signify.
Best wishes
Michael

Don S

Hey, I'd pay good money to hear Ralph Stanley and BB King together!
Don

historyteach

I saw BB King at the Newport Jazz Festival years ago....
I've got a large framed picture of him playing. A friend of mine was doing photos for the newspaper. He gave it to me, and another one of James Taylor and Carley Simon during the Newport Folk Festival.
Awesome!
Shalom!

Brookie

Michael - Thanks for the words of support. I ultimately split the baby. Threw out the stuff that tempted me, but kept the high-end stuff for gifts in the future and kept the margarita fixings for my wife's annual margaritas with the girls. I've never been a tequila guy anyway. As much as it removed temptation, for me it was probably more about making a statement, at least to myself, and trying something I hadn't tried before.

Don - my gut reaction was to recoil in horror at the very idea. But like any truly gifted mad scientist, your ideas have a bizzare appeal the more one dwells upon them. I pray you never receive a MacArthur grant, my friend.

NoMoBeer

Brookie --
Damn, man -- your first post had so much "thinking" in it, it made my head spin! There's a book out there called "The Thinking Person's Guide to Sobriety," By Bert Pluymen. See http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...books&n=507846...

I've actually emailed Bert a few times, he is an attorney and pretty smart guy, but he's a drunk like the rest of us...

I over thought the program for a LONG time before I just accepted it for what it is, and pulled a Nike -- JUST DO IT!

While I appreciate the order of what you are planning to do, AA has written the steps out for you. Stop thinking, and start doing! I can say that only because I speak from experience. I'm a pretty smart guy (a legend in my own mind ), so I'd think about the program, why it works, blah blah blah....then WHAM! I'd be drinking again. When finally I called the man who is now my sponsor (who is a professor and technical something or other at a local university), and he explained "I don't know why this stuff works, I just do what it says and I'm sober." That's all I needed to hear. I got my butt back to meetings, started working with a sponsor and did what I needed (and still need) to do...

So glad you're back, not drinking and wanting to do something about it...

Ken

Dan

New slogan...
No need for the qualifiers best ot worst anymore...

My thinking got me here.

Good words Ken.

Brookie

Many thanks Ken and Dan. Guilty as charged, and I wrote that thing while I was drunk. Imagine how much trouble I can get into with a "clear" head. I've added the book to my Amazon shopping cart.

2dayzmuse

I think deep down inside, we hang on to the the notion of being able to get a handle on our drinking and not having to resort to a program. I was always going to get a grip on the situation tomorrow. Tomorrow being the key word, but tomorrow never came. It takes a long time to finally come to that realization. Step one does take alot of research. That research is paramount in getting us through the front door of an AA meeting. It's easy to look back and view in hindsight, but I remember how tough it was to accept as it was occurring. Prepare yourself for yet another AA slogan...You're right were you need to be. You have to live it to believe it. Which often requires alot of this. I takes a ton of pain for it to finally sink in. Live and learn.

Dan

Well, actually Brookpond, that was just as much for me, you know

Brookie

Just my typical mistake of thinking I'm the most important person in the room.

Thanks LeAnne. I needed to hear that today.

best

There are times when you are though.

When a choice needs to be made...pick up that first one or not pick it up...
At that moment...You are the most important person in the room.
When you are hurting and need a hand up...you are the most important person in the room.
And when the most important person in the room is on his feet and helps another who needs a hand... to the one needing the hand, he would be the most important person of the that moment.
With what we learn, we share. Do unto others as you would like others to do unto you.
Joe, You are very important. What tells others when we are important is how we make ourselves available. Your sharing and growth has an importance of it's own. Perspective in the right place tells me ... You are as important as any other. Thank you for being you.