Is giving up an option?
X Brain & Body Destroyer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the O.C.
Posts: 14
Is giving up an option?
Hiddy Ho Everyone:
Is giving up an option? I'm so tired of trying!
Im so tired of fixing my old car, working 2 stupid jobs, hardly spending time with the kids and being alone at 42. I'm tired of my mother complaining to me what a crappy life she has and how she wishes she never had children. I'm so tired of achieving sobriety and thinking about it all the time. I have failed so many times that trying again just seems like a moot point. I'm doubtful about having a better life. If the stress doesnt kill me, I'm sure the booze and cigarettes will.
Here I am again, went 5 days sober then I started yesterday...stressed out about work and little money and just walked across the street and got myself a bottle of wine. Called in sick for my night job, And then got another one.
I have a really bad headache. I think my bruised ego hurts even more.
I thought I could do it this time. I've done sobriety a few other times in my life for years. Something always pulls me back in the drinking grind.
I have got to get my tail into an AA meeting, but where do I find the time? I know without the support I'm sure to fail. Of course, 'failing' is my first love.
I guess giving up is an option. Bad choices follow me.
Well, thanks for letting me vent. We'll see how it goes.
Is giving up an option? I'm so tired of trying!
Im so tired of fixing my old car, working 2 stupid jobs, hardly spending time with the kids and being alone at 42. I'm tired of my mother complaining to me what a crappy life she has and how she wishes she never had children. I'm so tired of achieving sobriety and thinking about it all the time. I have failed so many times that trying again just seems like a moot point. I'm doubtful about having a better life. If the stress doesnt kill me, I'm sure the booze and cigarettes will.
Here I am again, went 5 days sober then I started yesterday...stressed out about work and little money and just walked across the street and got myself a bottle of wine. Called in sick for my night job, And then got another one.
I have a really bad headache. I think my bruised ego hurts even more.
I thought I could do it this time. I've done sobriety a few other times in my life for years. Something always pulls me back in the drinking grind.
I have got to get my tail into an AA meeting, but where do I find the time? I know without the support I'm sure to fail. Of course, 'failing' is my first love.
I guess giving up is an option. Bad choices follow me.
Well, thanks for letting me vent. We'll see how it goes.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 104
Depression and hopelessness are pretty common where you're at. The miracle doesn't happen overnight.
And if you have the time to drink, you have the time to get to AA meetings. Just think of putting your time into recovery instead of putting it into using. There's no shame in starting over, and you do have a choice to do that.
And if you have the time to drink, you have the time to get to AA meetings. Just think of putting your time into recovery instead of putting it into using. There's no shame in starting over, and you do have a choice to do that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by BroTrouble
Hiddy Ho Everyone:
Is giving up an option? I'm so tired of trying!
Im so tired of fixing my old car, working 2 stupid jobs, hardly spending time with the kids and being alone at 42. I'm tired of my mother complaining to me what a crappy life she has and how she wishes she never had children. I'm so tired of achieving sobriety and thinking about it all the time. I have failed so many times that trying again just seems like a moot point. I'm doubtful about having a better life. If the stress doesnt kill me, I'm sure the booze and cigarettes will.
Here I am again, went 5 days sober then I started yesterday...stressed out about work and little money and just walked across the street and got myself a bottle of wine. Called in sick for my night job, And then got another one.
I have a really bad headache. I think my bruised ego hurts even more.
I thought I could do it this time. I've done sobriety a few other times in my life for years. Something always pulls me back in the drinking grind.
I have got to get my tail into an AA meeting, but where do I find the time? I know without the support I'm sure to fail. Of course, 'failing' is my first love.
I guess giving up is an option. Bad choices follow me.
Well, thanks for letting me vent. We'll see how it goes.
Is giving up an option? I'm so tired of trying!
Im so tired of fixing my old car, working 2 stupid jobs, hardly spending time with the kids and being alone at 42. I'm tired of my mother complaining to me what a crappy life she has and how she wishes she never had children. I'm so tired of achieving sobriety and thinking about it all the time. I have failed so many times that trying again just seems like a moot point. I'm doubtful about having a better life. If the stress doesnt kill me, I'm sure the booze and cigarettes will.
Here I am again, went 5 days sober then I started yesterday...stressed out about work and little money and just walked across the street and got myself a bottle of wine. Called in sick for my night job, And then got another one.
I have a really bad headache. I think my bruised ego hurts even more.
I thought I could do it this time. I've done sobriety a few other times in my life for years. Something always pulls me back in the drinking grind.
I have got to get my tail into an AA meeting, but where do I find the time? I know without the support I'm sure to fail. Of course, 'failing' is my first love.
I guess giving up is an option. Bad choices follow me.
Well, thanks for letting me vent. We'll see how it goes.
I guess you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Detroit MI
Posts: 51
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It’s always an option it’s always there, but it’s not wise. Sure life sucks. But giving up won’t help ethier. Even though it seems hopeless it really isn’t people have done it. People who have been where you are now have made it past this. So I say you try to stay strong. Maybe enroll yourself in AA or something if you have not done so yet. Good luck. Try to have faith in yourself.
It’s always an option it’s always there, but it’s not wise. Sure life sucks. But giving up won’t help ethier. Even though it seems hopeless it really isn’t people have done it. People who have been where you are now have made it past this. So I say you try to stay strong. Maybe enroll yourself in AA or something if you have not done so yet. Good luck. Try to have faith in yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
No, for me it's not an option. I have to work hard at it, I have to do the work my program suggests, I have to make an HONEST effort towards progress, I have to be the one to search for the options to make my quality of life what I want. Wish I could have it all handed to me on a silver platter, but then again, I wouldn't have the fullfillment of knowing I did it myself. Keep trying, don't give up, the harder you work at finding your own happiness the better it will get. Nothing happens without change, change for the better, and as they say, nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck at choosing your options.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
Originally Posted by Carchick4life
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>Sure life sucks.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by Music
I suppose life does suck if that's the attitude one takes. Compared to the life I lived when I was drinking, I'm living the dream.
A) It is all good, except when it's not and even then it's 100% better than it was.
OR
B) My life sucks, I think I'll make it worse.
Sometimes, it is just damn hard to be a human being and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. But when we are sober, we have a choice. In my experience, the people who find the most happiness choose A everytime.OR
B) My life sucks, I think I'll make it worse.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless,
Tony
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well..in early sobriety . 7 am AA meetings before work were my answer.
I also had a second job on weekends and no car.
Easy? No. Possible? Yes.
Blessings...
I also had a second job on weekends and no car.
Easy? No. Possible? Yes.
Blessings...
X Brain & Body Destroyer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the O.C.
Posts: 14
Hey everyone:
I didn't just fall off the psychology turnip truck, ya know!
Not sure if your psych. 101 class is one to repeat.
But....
Got my butt to an AA meeting this morning. Now I feel super depressed.
In this mornings meeting, listening to other dragged-out stories and so many people whining about the stupidest things in their sobriety made me feel like I was being stuck with hot pokers for an hour! Oh yeah, give me more! On this website, I read or don't read the stuff I want to hear. Unlike being there, I was really trying to pick out the good stuff of this babbling conversation I was taking privy to. Going to the meeting felt like going to the city dump for a breath of fresh air. I didn't feel the love.
Two years ago doing the AA thing after my DUI for 6 months, I was judgemental then. I thought all these people were such loosers. So I started to slowly drink again, albeit, here I am. I went into the meeting today with that same sarcastic, **sinine attitude.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
hmmmm....
(I'm going to ponder on this awhile, be right back)
(I'm back)
I'm sorry about the 'hopeless' attitude I have. I think it's a step closer to reality.
Today is a great day to drop the 'crap' attitude, it's bumbin me out.
I have made some bad choices in life and now I am suffering the consequences. A CHOICE has been FOUND and will be executed. Nobody is telling me it's easy Facing problems that I thought I never had. I orginally came on this website to deal with my brothers alcoholism, hence the name BroTrouble. Who knew? Drinking is killing ME! Just a few weeks ago I thought I was pretty close to perfect, or at least strived for it. I didn't realize I drank until I forgot, or to keep people at a distance. I didn't realize that I got use to feeling bad and liked it because I deserved to be punished. I had no clue how much money and brain cells I have wasted, and I seriously did not realize that my living situtation was a big ball of chaos! All because of alcohol ..............................until now.
YOUR ALL RIGHT, thanks for writing back, whats a "hopeless bad attitude" going to get me? I'm really tired of crying as I dig my own grave. "The problem with life is not that we die, but what die's inside us, while we live" (albert schwitzer).
After work today, I'll go get some library books to feed the brain positively.
And I will drag all those imaginary nasty drinking monkeys who camp out on my back to an AA meeting tomorrow morning.
Maybe today I can be quiet.......sshhhh.... so I can hear my soul healing.
I didn't just fall off the psychology turnip truck, ya know!
Not sure if your psych. 101 class is one to repeat.
But....
Got my butt to an AA meeting this morning. Now I feel super depressed.
In this mornings meeting, listening to other dragged-out stories and so many people whining about the stupidest things in their sobriety made me feel like I was being stuck with hot pokers for an hour! Oh yeah, give me more! On this website, I read or don't read the stuff I want to hear. Unlike being there, I was really trying to pick out the good stuff of this babbling conversation I was taking privy to. Going to the meeting felt like going to the city dump for a breath of fresh air. I didn't feel the love.
Two years ago doing the AA thing after my DUI for 6 months, I was judgemental then. I thought all these people were such loosers. So I started to slowly drink again, albeit, here I am. I went into the meeting today with that same sarcastic, **sinine attitude.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
hmmmm....
(I'm going to ponder on this awhile, be right back)
(I'm back)
I'm sorry about the 'hopeless' attitude I have. I think it's a step closer to reality.
Today is a great day to drop the 'crap' attitude, it's bumbin me out.
I have made some bad choices in life and now I am suffering the consequences. A CHOICE has been FOUND and will be executed. Nobody is telling me it's easy Facing problems that I thought I never had. I orginally came on this website to deal with my brothers alcoholism, hence the name BroTrouble. Who knew? Drinking is killing ME! Just a few weeks ago I thought I was pretty close to perfect, or at least strived for it. I didn't realize I drank until I forgot, or to keep people at a distance. I didn't realize that I got use to feeling bad and liked it because I deserved to be punished. I had no clue how much money and brain cells I have wasted, and I seriously did not realize that my living situtation was a big ball of chaos! All because of alcohol ..............................until now.
YOUR ALL RIGHT, thanks for writing back, whats a "hopeless bad attitude" going to get me? I'm really tired of crying as I dig my own grave. "The problem with life is not that we die, but what die's inside us, while we live" (albert schwitzer).
After work today, I'll go get some library books to feed the brain positively.
And I will drag all those imaginary nasty drinking monkeys who camp out on my back to an AA meeting tomorrow morning.
Maybe today I can be quiet.......sshhhh.... so I can hear my soul healing.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hmmm..
the 7 an meeting I mentioned was the Attitude and Action group in D.C.
I am curious if that is where you are going.
I have been away for 12 years but it was a keystone
for me.
You might call it my Recovery 101!
Blessings...
I am curious if that is where you are going.
I have been away for 12 years but it was a keystone
for me.
You might call it my Recovery 101!
Blessings...
X Brain & Body Destroyer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the O.C.
Posts: 14
CarolD
No, not the same AA meeting. Going back to my local daily beach 7am meetings.
The Attitude and Action Group in The O.C. - that's me, party of 1.
Weekend is here. I'm looking for another job, but for now my nite job is a cocktail waitress, dreading being around alcohol tonight. What do I do?
Talk with you all, on Monday.
No, not the same AA meeting. Going back to my local daily beach 7am meetings.
The Attitude and Action Group in The O.C. - that's me, party of 1.
Weekend is here. I'm looking for another job, but for now my nite job is a cocktail waitress, dreading being around alcohol tonight. What do I do?
Talk with you all, on Monday.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Aw Shucks!
I misread your OC for D.C.! Sorry!
For years I was a member of the Restaurant Workers Union.
Cocktail waitress most of the time.
I was in AA 4 years and ghad no long term sobriety.
In and out up and down like a damned Yo-Yo.
The drinking ambience triggered my addiction.
So... eventually I took an office job. And I quit drinking.
Blessings...
For years I was a member of the Restaurant Workers Union.
Cocktail waitress most of the time.
I was in AA 4 years and ghad no long term sobriety.
In and out up and down like a damned Yo-Yo.
The drinking ambience triggered my addiction.
So... eventually I took an office job. And I quit drinking.
Blessings...
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Originally Posted by BroTrouble
Hey everyone:
I didn't just fall off the psychology turnip truck, ya know!
Not sure if your psych. 101 class is one to repeat.
But....
Got my butt to an AA meeting this morning. Now I feel super depressed.
In this mornings meeting, listening to other dragged-out stories and so many people whining about the stupidest things in their sobriety made me feel like I was being stuck with hot pokers for an hour! Oh yeah, give me more! On this website, I read or don't read the stuff I want to hear. Unlike being there, I was really trying to pick out the good stuff of this babbling conversation I was taking privy to. Going to the meeting felt like going to the city dump for a breath of fresh air. I didn't feel the love.
Two years ago doing the AA thing after my DUI for 6 months, I was judgemental then. I thought all these people were such loosers. So I started to slowly drink again, albeit, here I am. I went into the meeting today with that same sarcastic, **sinine attitude.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
hmmmm....
(I'm going to ponder on this awhile, be right back)
(I'm back)
I'm sorry about the 'hopeless' attitude I have. I think it's a step closer to reality.
Today is a great day to drop the 'crap' attitude, it's bumbin me out.
I have made some bad choices in life and now I am suffering the consequences. A CHOICE has been FOUND and will be executed. Nobody is telling me it's easy Facing problems that I thought I never had. I orginally came on this website to deal with my brothers alcoholism, hence the name BroTrouble. Who knew? Drinking is killing ME! Just a few weeks ago I thought I was pretty close to perfect, or at least strived for it. I didn't realize I drank until I forgot, or to keep people at a distance. I didn't realize that I got use to feeling bad and liked it because I deserved to be punished. I had no clue how much money and brain cells I have wasted, and I seriously did not realize that my living situtation was a big ball of chaos! All because of alcohol ..............................until now.
YOUR ALL RIGHT, thanks for writing back, whats a "hopeless bad attitude" going to get me? I'm really tired of crying as I dig my own grave. "The problem with life is not that we die, but what die's inside us, while we live" (albert schwitzer).
After work today, I'll go get some library books to feed the brain positively.
And I will drag all those imaginary nasty drinking monkeys who camp out on my back to an AA meeting tomorrow morning.
Maybe today I can be quiet.......sshhhh.... so I can hear my soul healing.
I didn't just fall off the psychology turnip truck, ya know!
Not sure if your psych. 101 class is one to repeat.
But....
Got my butt to an AA meeting this morning. Now I feel super depressed.
In this mornings meeting, listening to other dragged-out stories and so many people whining about the stupidest things in their sobriety made me feel like I was being stuck with hot pokers for an hour! Oh yeah, give me more! On this website, I read or don't read the stuff I want to hear. Unlike being there, I was really trying to pick out the good stuff of this babbling conversation I was taking privy to. Going to the meeting felt like going to the city dump for a breath of fresh air. I didn't feel the love.
Two years ago doing the AA thing after my DUI for 6 months, I was judgemental then. I thought all these people were such loosers. So I started to slowly drink again, albeit, here I am. I went into the meeting today with that same sarcastic, **sinine attitude.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
I guess facing MY problems... is a problem.
hmmmm....
(I'm going to ponder on this awhile, be right back)
(I'm back)
I'm sorry about the 'hopeless' attitude I have. I think it's a step closer to reality.
Today is a great day to drop the 'crap' attitude, it's bumbin me out.
I have made some bad choices in life and now I am suffering the consequences. A CHOICE has been FOUND and will be executed. Nobody is telling me it's easy Facing problems that I thought I never had. I orginally came on this website to deal with my brothers alcoholism, hence the name BroTrouble. Who knew? Drinking is killing ME! Just a few weeks ago I thought I was pretty close to perfect, or at least strived for it. I didn't realize I drank until I forgot, or to keep people at a distance. I didn't realize that I got use to feeling bad and liked it because I deserved to be punished. I had no clue how much money and brain cells I have wasted, and I seriously did not realize that my living situtation was a big ball of chaos! All because of alcohol ..............................until now.
YOUR ALL RIGHT, thanks for writing back, whats a "hopeless bad attitude" going to get me? I'm really tired of crying as I dig my own grave. "The problem with life is not that we die, but what die's inside us, while we live" (albert schwitzer).
After work today, I'll go get some library books to feed the brain positively.
And I will drag all those imaginary nasty drinking monkeys who camp out on my back to an AA meeting tomorrow morning.
Maybe today I can be quiet.......sshhhh.... so I can hear my soul healing.
Hang in there. Hugs--
X Brain & Body Destroyer
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the O.C.
Posts: 14
Cocktail server & Sobriety
... :< Carol...... have a question
Is there any way to keep cocktail waitressing and not drink? I'm looking for another second job, may take awhile, and I really want to stay sober today. Got any tips?
Just another manic Monday. I made it through the weekend with a tiny slip up after work Saturday. Meetings are going slow. I feel non-participatory. It seems like I'm going just to drink the gross coffee, and I don't drink coffee! I would switch to a different daily meeting, but there is only 1 that works with my hectic schedule. I'll go, I'll stay, I'll reach out this week.
....
LuLu ..............
Your quote is exactly what I'm afraid of. The only times I have felt powerful is when I had a career and sober. Then I would get laid off and things would slowly change in a downward spiral.
The whole experience of writing on this site, going to meetings, got lots of books to read on sobriety is surreal. I'ts like an outer body experience, not really in a good way. I may need to spend time looking for a shrink to talk to, I don't know how without any money?
I feel extremely happy, yet... my emotions play tricks on me. The emotional attachment to chaos is strong. I know this will take time to clean out the old garbage in my head, it's letting it go, that's hard.
I'll really stay on this path, I'm an athlete, so I know what hard work is to achieve goals (and work through the pain. Bbbboooyyy, is there a lot of pain).
Thanks for the love.
Is there any way to keep cocktail waitressing and not drink? I'm looking for another second job, may take awhile, and I really want to stay sober today. Got any tips?
Just another manic Monday. I made it through the weekend with a tiny slip up after work Saturday. Meetings are going slow. I feel non-participatory. It seems like I'm going just to drink the gross coffee, and I don't drink coffee! I would switch to a different daily meeting, but there is only 1 that works with my hectic schedule. I'll go, I'll stay, I'll reach out this week. ....
LuLu .............. Your quote is exactly what I'm afraid of. The only times I have felt powerful is when I had a career and sober. Then I would get laid off and things would slowly change in a downward spiral.
The whole experience of writing on this site, going to meetings, got lots of books to read on sobriety is surreal. I'ts like an outer body experience, not really in a good way. I may need to spend time looking for a shrink to talk to, I don't know how without any money?
I feel extremely happy, yet... my emotions play tricks on me. The emotional attachment to chaos is strong. I know this will take time to clean out the old garbage in my head, it's letting it go, that's hard.
I'll really stay on this path, I'm an athlete, so I know what hard work is to achieve goals (and work through the pain. Bbbboooyyy, is there a lot of pain).
Thanks for the love.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad to see
you here again. Tips?
Well...I used to spray myself with perfume so I could not smell the booze. Tabu seemed to work best.
But...
Drinking on duty was not allowed where I last worked. My downfall was stopping in bars as I walked home or joining a group to var hop.
As soon as I left the building I grabbed a cab.
Destination?
Straight to a meeting or directly home.
For a few weeks I felt so alone because I was missing my usual haunts.
I then made sure i had a treat waiting at home. Special book...bubble bath..movie..Whatever!
It was way easier coming out of the office... no brain imprint for booze after work at that time of day!
I wish you all the joy I have found in sobriety..
Tips?Well...I used to spray myself with perfume so I could not smell the booze. Tabu seemed to work best.
But...
Drinking on duty was not allowed where I last worked. My downfall was stopping in bars as I walked home or joining a group to var hop.
As soon as I left the building I grabbed a cab.
Destination?
Straight to a meeting or directly home.
For a few weeks I felt so alone because I was missing my usual haunts.
I then made sure i had a treat waiting at home. Special book...bubble bath..movie..Whatever!
It was way easier coming out of the office... no brain imprint for booze after work at that time of day!
I wish you all the joy I have found in sobriety..
It Is What It Is
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Peculiar, MO
Posts: 292
Originally Posted by BroTrouble
Hiddy Ho Everyone:
Is giving up an option?
Is giving up an option?
Life is a lot better today because I gave up!
You seem to be gravitating in the right direction...keep it up!
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Bro
Thikning of you - take it easy...lol, don't I know about the pinochio syndrome!! But you sound good...can you possibly try an alternative aa meeting?? as in a different one if you feel you are not engaging with this one?? is that possible? I find different meetings can be very different and rewarding in different ways.
Keep posting, thinking of you - things ARE going to get better, you are on the right track!
much love
cathxxx
Thikning of you - take it easy...lol, don't I know about the pinochio syndrome!! But you sound good...can you possibly try an alternative aa meeting?? as in a different one if you feel you are not engaging with this one?? is that possible? I find different meetings can be very different and rewarding in different ways.
Keep posting, thinking of you - things ARE going to get better, you are on the right track!
much love
cathxxx
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