Rock1

Hi,

Im an alcoholic and found this site and thought i would join to get some feedback and maybe some help.Im 21 and have been drinking over 20 cans of beer everyday for 6 years, i suffer from anxiety so i started using a small amount of alcohol to relax but i've ended up using crazy amounts to make me feel at ease with myself.Because of using such high amounts has led to me having extreme anxiety and im now in a really bad vicious cirlce.

I wake up and feel like a nervous wreck because of the alcohol so i drink as soon as i get up to make it go away, then carry on drinking because of my addiction till i pass out and so on and so forth.It's making me feel so stupid because i know that i just have to stop doing it but i can't, i enjoy drinking and if i didn't i wouldn't do it but it's causing me and my family hell...

If anyone has seen the film groundhog day then that's what it's like, i wake up and think "what the hell am i doing this for" but then i start feeling shakey and can't think so i take a beer to calm me down.

To be honest i've had many beers today just to have enough courage to post this, im so scared of the world and don't want to be hurt so i just stay in and drink to escape it's pathetic.

Has anyone got any advice who has been there?

FaeryQueen

Rock1
Hey Dude! Welcome to SR. I am happy u got up the courage to post. I have heard people say that alcoholics are driven by a hundred forms of fear. That was certainly true for me. I woke up day after day with a feeling of impending doom...terrrible anxiety, racing heart, FEAR FEAR FEAR...yuck! You do not have to live like that
You will find alot of people here who have felt exactly like you do. I personally got clean and sober by working the 12 steps of AA.
Peace be to you
Tanya


keep posting....you are in a safe zone.

QueenShenique

Groundhog Day--we were discussing that in am AA meeting the other day--that's EXACTLY how it is for alcoholics who have not found recovery. Sounds like you have a struggle going on within--the part that knows the alcoholic life is intolerable--and the part that can't live without booze. That's another characteristic of alcoholics (of my type). Sometimes the fear of the unknown keeps us from the break thru--put pain has been the motivator that took my scared butt to my first AA meeting. Glad your here--please check out some recovery meetings in your area--and keep posting with us. Welcome! Blessings

Grimnar

Welcome!

I'll try and make a better reply later on.

Rock1

Thank you for the warm welcome i feel very at home from the replys.Im not drunk just now but i have to use alcohol to feel confident enough to get help which is kinda defeating the purpose.

im in such a sorry state but i hope i can get through this nightmare...

FaeryQueen

You can get thru this nightmare. We did it. You can to. We are not stronger or better or anything else. We just found a way out....so can you.

CarolD

I totally understand the vicious circle. I lived in it too.

Depression brought me into AA recovery.

I think it is grand that you are seeking answers at 21..Congratulations!

GshizzleA

hey rock being 21 myself your post really moved me
i hope u find the strength to recover, i know its in you to do so
there are so many people here that are or have been in your position and i know u will find at least some answers
we are all here and we can help each other
take care

Chy

Hi Rock and welcome! There is a great deal of support here. You can't keep up what your doing and expect some quality of life. There is a lot of help available. If your ready just ask. Have you considered a detox facility? Most of us can't do it alone, but with support we have found a way out of the misery and vicious cylcle. Keep posting and give it some thought, I wish I had the courage you do at 21 to realize something had to be done!

Rock1

Thank you very much for the replys it really does mean a lot to me.To the person that said to try dettox i have been through three and failed everytime, i just don't think i had enough will power to do it, and to the person that said to try AA i have been to a few AA meetings but because of the anxiety i got so worked up and the first thing i did when i left the meeting was drink.

Im going to try AGAIN to stop "sigh" on sunday and im determined do to it.I just don't know what to fill the drinking time with.

Im glad i found this forum and i WILL beat this, it might not be today, tommorow or even next year but im confident i will get rid of this disease!!!

tyler

Here is a link to some alternatives to AA. There is a chart that compares each program and what they do. I'd suggest looking at it and seeing what you think. There are many tools out there that can help you learn to change your way of thinking and help with your recovery. Good luck, here's the link.
http://rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm

BTW thanks to Don S for this link.

Rock1

thank you tyler i will have a look and hopefully get some info.

Rimmy

[QUOTE=Rock1]Hi,

i enjoy drinking and if i didn't i wouldn't do it but it's causing me and my family hell...QUOTE]

This to me could be the key to your recovery... The ends have to justify the means. In other words, you may "enjoy" drinking while you are drinking, but is it worth the "hell" not only to yourself but your family.

Remember, there are lots of fun things to enjoy besides drinking... I hope you are able to find some of them and start enjoying life alcohol free.

Aaron,
3 Days