Peter

Recovery is about "getting back what was lost"

What did I lose in my years as an active alcoholic?

My self respect.
My financial resources.
The woman I loved.
The respect of my friends and family.
The ability to reason and find long term solutions to problems.
My peace of mind.
My car.
My appreciation of the simpler things in life.
Etc.....etc...

Putting down the drink was just THE FIRST STEP on the road to recovery.

If I ever hoped to regain some of what was lost then I had a lot of work to do.

I had to stop drinking.Get honest with myself and identify the core issues in my life (Abandonment, fear, anger, resentments,greed, lust, lonliness) Then I had to go about changing myself from the inside.

I did this with the help of a Sponsor and the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The 12 Steps of AA and my Sponsor provided important clues and valuable insight into what was wrong with me.

I have watched people sit in meetings for years and moan about the same issues again and again.

Recovery does not come from going to plenty of meetings. Recovery comes when we change........ and that is where the real work lies.

Anybody can put down a drink.It is a much harder task to be Honest with ourselves and the people around us.

Sobriety and recovery has not liberated me from sadness. As a matter of fact I have experienced more sadness in recovery than I ever did when I was drinking.The difference now is that I understand the circumstances surrounding my sadness and I no longer torment myself with blame and guilt and I know the Ultimate truth about life.......this too shall pass......I have a network of friends and support whom I can call on in my times of darkness........I have faith in my belief that as long as I do "The next right thing" my life will get better.

Picking up a drink may seem like the "Right thing" for other people and there was a time when it seemed that way for me too.......not anymore.........The "Next right thing " for me to do when I am feeling sad is to reflect on my feelings and try to understand what is causing it. To accept that it is ok to be sad sometimes. To stop punishing myself for my own mistakes. To call a friend if I need someone to talk to. To get down on my knees and thank God for my life.

Sixteen years of drinking has taught me that alcohol never changes anything.

As long as I listen to my concience and the voice of my fiends I will always know what the The "Next Right thing" to do is.

CarolD

post Peter! Thanks for sharing!

Chy

I just love that guy! Thanks for a wonderful post Peter!

michski

Thank you for sharing your blessings with us... very powerful indeed!

historyteach

"...I understand the circumstances surrounding my sadness and I no longer torment myself with blame and guilt and I know the Ultimate truth about life.......this too shall pass......I have a network of friends and support whom I can call on in my times of darkness........I have faith in my belief that as long as I do "The next right thing" my life will get better...."'

I relate totally to that...
Thanks for sharing it....great thoughts...
Shalom!

Hadenuff

thanks Peter,
H

michaelj

Peter,
Well put. Your thread has given me a few important matters to mull over. The knowledge that sadness will come into our lives whether or not we drink is a useful weapon to beat back the desire to drink in order to relieve emotionally difficult times.
Thanks
Michael

quercusalba

Peter -

Thank you for sharing. These are things that I am in the process of learning myself. Hearing someone else say these words so eloquently is a help.

--anne

Pony

Thanks Peter, Your post has given me something to really think about!

Thanks for sharing, that is what it is all about.

mishelly

Never fails...everytime I need to hear (read) something, I do...thank you so much Peter.

Grimnar

Good post. Yup, I can see myself in it.

nocellphone

That is my favorite definition of recovery...


Amen!

Thanks for sharing, Peter!

Peace...

Rock1

I feel so much guilt about all the bad things i have done when i have been drinking, some of them are so bad i can't even say them from disgust.When i stop drinking i fear that i will have these demons for the rest of my life and could drink again to feel better.How did you get over the past because i can't forgive myself for what i have done to my loved ones because of this illness?

Peter

Rock, sorry for the late reply.

I made the crucial mistake of thinking that drinking would relieve me of my guilt but it was only a vicious cycle that led to more guilt.

Guilt is a tremendous burden for anyone to carry and I too felt convinced that the things I had done would remain in the darkness of my mind until the day I died.

I went to AA to stop drinking, not to free myself from guilt, but it was in AA that I discovered that guilt was one of the things that was contributing to my need to drink in the first place.

I learned about the therapeutic value of the spoken word and I learned about trusting another human being.

Trusting only happens when we take chances with others and we don't get hurt.

I wrote down on paper all of the things that were causing me guilt and little by little I spoke them out loud to another human being.

Something strange happened when I was finally able to talk about some of my past misdeeds. Suddenly those deep dark secrets that had haunted me for so long did not seem so vast and terrible in the brightness of daylight and I was able to get some valuable feedback on what I needed to do.

I needed to forgive myself and I needed to make amends to those people I had caused harm.

For me making amends did not simply mean a mumbled apology or writing out a check for something I broke.

Making amends also meant that in my heart I had to become willing to change so that I need never cause harm to anyone again.

Guilt is a destructive and wasteful emotion. I only recently endured a tremendous bout of guilt over circumstances that led to the death of my beloved dog Brucie.

I tormented myself day and night with the "If only....." scenario.

Guilt was stealing away the quality of my life and affecting those around me I loved and cared about. It was not fair to them.

I loved my dog very much and did the best I could to keep him happy and safe.

Learning how to deal with my guilt was a sequence of events.

First I found a support group to arrest my drinking.
Second I learned to identify what was causing me the guilt and why.
Third I wrote about it.
Fourth I talked about it to another trustworthy human being.
Fifth I forgave myself.
Sixth I made my amends to those I could.
Seventh I resolved to change.

Best of luck.

Rock1

Thank you for the reply it really touched me and i hope i can live a guilt free life when i recover.I'ts just that i drink and think that it's solving all my problems but it seems to create more so i drink again to get rid of the new problems, im having a REALLY bad time trying to break this cycle with no result.I feel that alchol is my only friend at the moment and i don't know who else to turn to but the bottle!

It's the "quick fix" and it's so easy to pick up a drink to make me feel better.But i'll keep trying.

mishelly

Hey Rock...hope you keep trying to break that cycle...I finally realized alcohol was not my best friend, rather it is one of my worst enemies, it hates me and wants to kill me. No one to turn to? Try looking up, seems to be working for me really well.

Peter

I used to think alcohol was my "friend" too........but alcohol is a one sided demanding relationship.

My 'friend" will ultimately kill me but before that it will make me suffer as much as possible.......