problemchild

Been awhile since i have posted here, but have still been reading alot of the posts.
After many attempts to stop the madness (this last time) I took drastic measures. I used to be a long haul truck driver, but the alcohol got in the way of that so i went to school and recieved a degree in accounting...
Well needless to say i was very bored and hated my job, ok.(fast foward)
I decieded to go back to trucking and i have, i am only gone from home Monday-Friday with the weekend off. I made this decision because i was drinking everyday and have been for over 15 yrs, so far the last 4 months i have been sober all week until i get home friday then i am drunk all weekend.
The fear of getting caught drinking on the road is enuff to keep me sober, and i am not talking about drinking and driving there are alot of rules regarding alcohol and comercial vehicles, it is illegal to even posses it unopened in your truck no matter if your driving or not.
Anyway i feel i have made some progress, does anyone agree? Or is it the alcoholic mind telling me this. Also i don't understand why i cannot find some reason to stay sober on the weekend? Fear of what i am doing to my health for some reason is just not enuff Thanks for reading all input is welcome..

Chy

Good to see you back. If you feel progress has been made that's great. Now take it one step further and try to combat the weekends if abstinence is your goal. You'll be surprised at how much can be accomplished once you let go of that self induced misery on weekends. For me, it just wasn't fun anymore. Friday night would be party night, Saturday hungover, Sunday trying to catch up what didn't get done Friday and Saturday only to reward myself again for a good days work on Sunday night.... and the cycle continued. You can do it, I know you can!

bikewench

Hey PC...

Managing addiction...

I know many addicts on here believe complete abstinence is the only way to beat addiction.... but I don't think it's black and white like that. I have an eating disorder and have to use/manage my drug every day.. so..

You obviously have enough of a grip on reality to understand about drinking and your job... so maybe now you need to take a real look at your weekends and what your doing to your body/mind and family if you have one.

Your right to worry about addictive logic and denial... cause it has needlessly derailed many lives...

But.. keep posting here..
Read and understand about codependency and the addictive thought process...
Maybe catch an AA meeting or two.. ;o)

Awareness of the problem is the first step.

problemchild

Bikewench, thank you for the post . I have tried AA and countless detox facility's and they worked for about a week or so then destruction set in again, this is sooooooooo
confusing to me the ability to go all week after drinking everyday alot everyday but can't shake the weekend.AA seems to tempt me to drink, may sound crazy but alot of things i have heard at meetings entice my thirst.

bikewench

Yeah... I've been there too.
When addicts say their disease is cunning.. baffling.. and powerful... they ain't kidding.. ;o)

The adage "if nothing changes.. then nothing changes" is the dead straight truth PC.

You've somehow managed to come out of denial around drinking and work... so I'd use that success to believe that you can also take a real honest look at your abusing booze on the weekends.

Do you have spiritual strength to lean on?
I use to believe I could do it alone. I had to surrender that belief in order to get better...

Working the twelve steps is a surefire way to improve our lives in spite of ourselves. But.. it takes work and a willingness to be uncomfortable for a bit.


But.. again... at the very least... keep coming to SR. The truth will no doubt creep up and nail you one day.... just like it did me. ;o)