wingsfree

This message is being typed with great anguish.

First off, I wanted to thank you all for helping me out when I would put messages here after I had drank, trying to work things out, and only doing it all wrong.

There's several consequences with addiction, isn't there? and for a lot of us, it isn't from the lack of trying repeatedly, only to get let down and frustrated over and over again, until something BAD happens....guess there's always something bad happening while we insist on drinking, there's not one good thing to come from using..but then one day, it's your turn....yes YOU, those who continue to not pay ATTENTION, like me...I was, but wasn't, I kept letting that ugly little voice take over me, which only got stronger in me the more I tried fighting it off.

Well it's been my turn, and I'm paying a high price for it. I feel so sick when I think what I've done to myself, and know it could have been worse, and there wasn't any need for it, if only I had of tryed harder....so don't fool yourself, this could happen to any one of you, we just don't know...my worse nightmare was the horrible hangovers. Hangover's aren't my problem now, I put myself in real danger, which I'm sure most of you here have done at one time or another, you black out, can't remember a thing.

My spirit has been really hurt by this, I feel it all through my body, good thing we have resilient spirits other wise we'd be in trouble, I will let it heal AGAIN, and learn to take care of it better, my way hasn't worked so well.

I've learned the past hurts mean squat now, that was then, only a moment in time, just like now, what I just typed was a moment in time...see that it's gone now, onto another moment.

If this reaches one person today, just one I'd be so happy, stop one person who's got that notion in their head to drink, letting it take over. If you could see my hands and arm now that might change your mind. ( I had a picture taken of it) a reminder to me..scars will remind me also..(scars a gift)

I seen my Dr yesterday he said I'm healing not bad, he also said my burns look ANGRY, and he was right, they are, and they are constantly reminding me what alcohol has done to me, and I HATE it...I remember Moot telling me one time here to learn to HATE it, well I'm there ((((Moot)))) hope you're ok. The pain this has caused me, and for WHAT, that's the sad part, for what?

Anyway hurts typing any length of time, I just pray this helps some, even if it's ONE person....this is a taste of hell, yep hell.

Onward to a new chapter, a sober happier one.

Love and extra hugs.....Denise (a new person today)

splendra

(((((Denise)))))

Love and extra hugs to you too. I don't know you very well but, your post speaks volumes about your level of maturity and your compassion and hope....Prayer going out for your healing too. Be gentle with yourself.

BubbaBob

Hi Denise. Those damn wood stoves get HOT don't they? I did the same a little over a year ago. Unlike you I wasn't smart enough for that to be a wake up call...I just kept the stove (and house) cold...LOL

Hang in there girl...you'll make it...one day at a time. Remember, we aren't strong enough to do it alone, but Someone is always right beside you, ready to help if you just ask Him.

BubbaBob

Anna

Hi Denise,

Thank goodness you are alright and have the strength physically and emotionally to move forward. You're right about hating the disease of alcoholism. A part of me came to absolutely loathe what it did to me and my family. But, there is a part of me that is grateful and thankful for having gone through what I did. I like myself much more now, I'm a stronger and better person. Without my disease I believe I would never have managed to accomplish those things.

I think, as time goes by and you get better in every way, you will look back on this accident, this time in your life, and be deeply grateful.

Love, Anna

wingsfree

Thanks (((Slendra....BubbaBob...and my sweetheart Anna))).

Splendra....yeah I think I've finally matured, laughing at that...ok ok sorta matured sobriety wise...the other well, oh never mind.....hey it keeps us young right?

Oh Bob you got that right, it's just not right hugging a wood stove...but looking on the bright side of it...good thing we didn't kiss them, or did you? By the sounds of things you needed a few more lessons....ain't fun is it? :tongue3:

I'd love to heave the stove out, but can't....it's needed where it is....it was -34C when we arrived there...I do like your idea though, haha. We burn wood here at my home, I tell you I have more respect for stoves now.

Recently I've heard of others getting badly burnt from them, and yesssss drinking related..boy oh boy.....my Dr told me one of his patients died...his body was 40% burnt...3rd degree, he went into shock, he wasn't one of the lucky one's, I can't imagine the pain, just can't, and don't want to.

Anna thanks so much I plan on moving forward, this has been one heck of a shock, I'm still not quite myself, but I guess that's normal considering. I do feel a lot stronger and postive now, not worrying about stupid things anymore either, bonus. Thanks again for everything, but you know how I feel about things, just like I do with you...keep smiling my good friend, I love you.

Moral of the story......keep playing with fire...you eventually get burnt.

Lots of love, extra hugs.....Denise (who really hopes this helps ONE person today)