Jason R

I think I'm probably going to get flogged for saying this. I'm sure I already know the answer to this but I'll ask anyway.
Do you think it's possible to just slow down drinking? I realized last night I don't want to quit drinking. I know I should quit drinking but I don't want to.
But, on the other hand I'm so discusted with myself I wish I could just stop.
Last night I went through an 18 pack of beer. Pretty much on a nightly basis I go to bed sorta drunk then wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick and wake up feeling terrible. I hate the feeling, but I can't stop. Is that because I don't think I want to stop?
I don't know. That's todays ramble.
Thanks.

Time2Surrender

Ramble on Jason.Its cool.Thats what this site is for.Sounds to me like your at a cross road in your life.And you have a decision to make and only you can make it.I will say this,I know I enjoyed drinking.Heck,I loved to drink.I just didnt enjoy the consequences and my life being unmanagable.(LOL thats an understatement) Anyway,I tried many times to control my drinking and realized abstinance was the best route for me.

Tiro

I didn't want to stop drinking..........I WANTED THE PAIN TO GO AWAY.

It took me twenty years of experimentation and analysis to finally conclude that the only way the pain would stop was for me to stop drinking for good.

Countless attempt at controlled drinking only prolonged my confusion and suffering.

Jason R

Maybe I'm just weak or something else is wrong. I would love to just go home and have the control not have anything to drink. But, I know I'm going to head home and stop and buy a 12 pack and drink that down again.
I know I'm contradicting myself. I say one minute I want to quit then the next second I say I don't want to quit. I just don't know how to stop. I beat myself up back and forth. Drink or don't drink. I try to keep myself busy and not drink but it's just as easy to drink while keeping myself busy.
How do I stop???

Time2Surrender

Keep coming back Jason.You will always be welcome around here.( even if you do drive a Chevy) All I can say is you gotta be ready to surrender,and be willing to go to any lengths.

Jason R

Thanks T2, My Dad retired from Ford if that helps.

Cathy31

Hi Jason, welcome!
As T said - you're definitely at a cross roads. You asked - how do I stop? Well this is how I did it.

I picked up the phone and called AA. Someone met me at a meeting. It was the most unexpected, wonderful thing I ever did. After a few (self enforced) false starts I am now 3 + weeks sober and I cannot begin to tell you how my life has ALREADY improved"!!!! Self respect, energy, health, confidence, general happiness, peace, not scared of the phone anymore, not disgusted with myself, not scared of what I got up to last night. It is truly remarkable and wonderful.

I can almost guarantee you that your preconceptions about AA are misconceptions - mine were as were the preconceptions of everyone I've met so far.

It's been a joyous, happy lifesaver for me.

My advice : give it a try. I also LOVED drinking, why I don't know with the destruction and selfloathing and confusion (ie WHY couldn't I just control my drinking"!!!! Answer : I was alcoholic (shock!!! This website helped me realise that's what I was!) and I was NEVER going to control my drinking! NEVER.

Keep on reading and check out AA that would be my advice to you based on what has been successful and wonderful for me.

Keep coming back! Good luck!
Cathy31

3legacy

Yes, for many folks I think it is. For a real alcoholic it may not be true for very long though.

I was asked to answer that question for my self once I finally decided I wanted to stop drinking once and for all through the one day at a time approach.

Guess you want to drink more than you don't want to drink and drinking seems to keep you really busy in the cycle of asking yourself whether or not you want to.........

How do I stop and stay stopped is a good question for me. I found a sincere desire to quit once and for good. I tapped into a solution that has never let me down once I surrendered to my physical allergy and the mental obsession that kept prolonging it. I lost the power of choice in drinking, period. Drinking was the only option for this alcoholic until I had fully conceded to my innermost self that I honestly am an alcoholic and accepted what that really means. Another alcoholic had planted that seed and my drinking showed the truth of my own personal alcoholic dilemma.

It was then that I decided to try the solution and pick up the spiritual set of tools that had been laid at my feet. They had been set there a few times without me realizing it or maybe I was just lacking in having the willingness to pick them up. I don't know for sure but grateful I eventually did pick up those tools.

My thoughts and prayers go with you today,

3 Legacy

Don S

It's certainly a good way to start. Reducing your drinking steadily, with the goal of abstinence within a few days, works for many people. Buy less each day and you'll reduce the discomfort of quitting.
For most heavy drinkers, the pattern is that they can reduce their drinking for a day or so and then get right back to the previous level. So that goal of abstinence a few days out is important.
Buy half as much today, and only drink what you buy.
Buy less the next day. Read the great thread about 'what to expect' up at the top of this forum.
Buy less the next day.
Have a specific day within a week when you will abstain completely. Then set a goal of abstaining for a full week. Then 30 days. Note how you feel physically, mentally, emotionally as the alcohol gets out of your system. Be honest--the discomfort and irritation are important to note just as are the better feelings. A journal is very useful to many people. Talk about the results. Plan for the evenings and other drinking times.

Look into some of the different programs people use to make and support that decision for abstinence:
http://www.rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm


And keep posting here! Take care,
Don S

Chy

Anything is possible except when it comes to this alcohoic, I couldn't slow down, or when I did it was VERY short lived. Check out Don's link above, good info there.

Andy F

Hi Jason

How you are thinking and feeling is not uncommon.

I didn't want to completely stop drinking thankyou very much. Who the hell wants to completely stop drinking. What bad luck I had that the only thing I loved I now had to consider giving up entirely. I was outraged...and depressed at the same time.

To make the decision to stop and pursue help was not going to be made unless I really believed there was no other way. In my view there are two ways to drag that annoying guilty feeling at the back of the mind and turn it into the necessary decision for action. One is to risk everything and carry on drinking until you are so despondant that even you cannot rationalise away your behaviour anymore. The other way is to get help and pursue an honest understanding of your predicament. You can do lots of things to start bringing whats at the back of your mind, to the front. You can pursue more understanding of what your doing to yourself. For example, you can get a piece of paper and write down all the advantages of drinking. Then you can write any disadvantages. Spending some time on this can start to bring what's at the back of the mind, towards the front. You can begin to record your thoughts and feelings in a journal, so that what happened last week and how you felt is still acknowledged.

When I first drank my life was a mess, but I blamed everyone else for it. When I had a drink, I did so in blissful ignorance. Once I recognised I had a problem, guilt occured and from that point on my drinking was spoilt anyway. From the first sip my guilty conscience ruined my goal of anesthesia. Faced honestly, drinking was now pointless, because I couldn't get what I wanted from it. Because my reasons for drinking seemed so powerful, despite a nagging feeling that drinking was pointless and destined to end in tears, it was the only thing I had ever known to work. In the absense of knowing another way of being at peace with myself, I kept trying the old game again. Pointless then becomes desperate.

When I stopped drinking I thought this was a terrible event. The truth has been that hanging on to the idea of drinking was a delusion. There is a real life out there without alcohol. To stop drinking was a positive occasion. I am happy to be a non drinker today. I'm not missing out. I have better relationships. I had a poor outlook when I stopped drinking, but had I known what I know now, I would and should having been shouting woohoo from the rooftops.

I am not speaking for your or assuming my experience is relevant to you.

all the best

Andy F

Brookie

Hey Jason - Sounds perfectly normal to me. There's even a name for that stage - "Step Zero." It's that point of feeling like something is wrong, and that maybe you should do something, but not yet being fully committed to taking action.

For me, it came down the fact that I wanted two things that couldn't be reconciled - I wanted to get drunk, but I didn't want to be a drunk and to die a drunk having pissed my life away. I didn't think I could have both, and so for right now, I'm sober. Maybe I'm wrong, and I can manage a full life that includes dignity, self respect, and alcohol, but the stakes are pretty high if I'm try it and fail.

As for how, AA's helped me string 90+ days together, which I never thought was possible before getting into the program. It's scary walking in, and a year ago I never dreamed I would find myself there. It doesn't take long to feel at home, though.

Keep coming back amigo. I've been enjoying your posts.

Joe

Don S

Here's an outline that many people have found useful. It can help you recognize that you're not alone in your ambivalence.

STAGES OF CHANGE
Adapted from 'Change For Good'
1) PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE
'It isn't that we can't see the solution. It is that we can't see the problem'
Precontemplators usually show up in therapy or meetings because of
pressures from others--spouses, employers, parents, and courts. Resist
change. When their problem comes up, they change the topic of
conversation. They place responsibility for their problems on factors
such as genetic makeup, addiction, family, society, destiny, the police,
etc.
They feel the situation is HOPELESS .

2) CONTEMPLATION STAGE
'I want to stop feeling so stuck'

Contemplators acknowledge that they have a problem and begin to think about solving it. Contemplators struggle to understand their problems, to see its causes, and wonder about possible solutions. Many contemplators have indefinite plans to take action within the next few months. They know their destination, and even how to get there, but are not ready to go yet.
It is not uncommon for contemplators to tell themselves that some day they are going to change. When contemplators transition to the preparation stage of change they begin to think more about the future than the past.
The end of contemplation stage is a time of anticipation, activity, anxiety, and excitement.

3) PREPARATION STAGE
Most people in the preparation stage are planning to take action and are making the final adjustments before they begin to change their behavior. Have not yet resolved their AMBIVALENCE. Still need a little convincing.

4) ACTION STAGE
Stage where people overtly modify their behavior and their surroundings. Make the move for which they have been preparing. Requires the greatest commitment of time and energy.Change is more visible to others.

5) MAINTENANCE STAGE
Change never ends with action. Without a strong commitment to maintenance, there will probably be relapse, usually to precontemplation or contemplation stage.

6) GRADUATION STAGE
Person 'moves beyond' recovery. They are recovered and graduate to living a life that no longer is based on using or recovery. They might attend meetings on occasion to help out or visit friends. But their primary focus in life is no longer on drinking/drugging or recovery.
[Not every recovery program includes the concept of graduation. Some believe that it is a lifelong process.]

Most successful self-changers go through the stages three or four times before they make it through the cycle of change without at least one slip. Most return to the contemplation stage of change. Slips give us the opportunity to learn.

Don S

ChampionRabbit

Yes.

Of course it's possible.

I know people who have done it.

I can't do it.

These people who tell you it's impossible are liars.

There are jealous.

But I can't do it.

Maybe you can.

I know people have have done it.