Kinda enjoyed the relapse... help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 37
Kinda enjoyed the relapse... help
So I have quit drinking for the past 5 years. Without going into details, Alchool was absolutely destroying my life and would destroy my life if I started drinking again. I made a few posts on this forum during my drinking days and the people here really helped me, much more than AA for me. I really felt each time that somebody had been in my situation and I am much grateful for that.
During the past 5 years, I "relapsed" maybe 3-4 times for 1 night each and did not really get really drunk. Each time was crap and boring as I drank alone at home and simply fell asleep quickly due to no tolerance. Each time I woke up the next morning feeling hungover and even threw up one morning even though I drank just a few IPAs. I really hated that and honestly did not feel at all like restarting drinking. Even though they are still relapses and very bad, they did not "scare" or trouble me so much. I'm very anxious and lived through some stuff and was honestly kinda proud of myself to only have "only" relapsed for less than a 24 pack in 5 years.
Now, here is the current situation. Yesterday, I relapsed again. I still did not get very drunk. I even felt like I could control myself, which I know is an illusion and I will loose it. This time, I really dug into my previous life and went to the strip club. I have been to the strip club hundreds of time in my life, (I even dated a stripper for a while) but very rarely not *********. Yesterday was one of the very(!) few times I remember everything.
I drank a few beers and 3 Vodka Redbull, got a full naked lapdance from possibly the most beautiful woman I saw in my life, took some news from old friends, even though I didnt know anyone there, I knew everyone they were talking about. It's very weird to say, but I had an absolute blast! Sketchy people getting in and out of the bar at 2 am, phone ringing so late, "normal people" arriving randomly at 3am fully sober at the club, etc. I could continue for days, I LOVED this environnement. It gave me nostalgia.
That being said, I'm now in the bath in full anxiety mode, wondering how I will avoid going back to my old habits which would surely destroy my life. Seems like an easy decision but I don't trust myself on this one...
Anybody went through something similar? Would greatly appreciate help.
During the past 5 years, I "relapsed" maybe 3-4 times for 1 night each and did not really get really drunk. Each time was crap and boring as I drank alone at home and simply fell asleep quickly due to no tolerance. Each time I woke up the next morning feeling hungover and even threw up one morning even though I drank just a few IPAs. I really hated that and honestly did not feel at all like restarting drinking. Even though they are still relapses and very bad, they did not "scare" or trouble me so much. I'm very anxious and lived through some stuff and was honestly kinda proud of myself to only have "only" relapsed for less than a 24 pack in 5 years.
Now, here is the current situation. Yesterday, I relapsed again. I still did not get very drunk. I even felt like I could control myself, which I know is an illusion and I will loose it. This time, I really dug into my previous life and went to the strip club. I have been to the strip club hundreds of time in my life, (I even dated a stripper for a while) but very rarely not *********. Yesterday was one of the very(!) few times I remember everything.
I drank a few beers and 3 Vodka Redbull, got a full naked lapdance from possibly the most beautiful woman I saw in my life, took some news from old friends, even though I didnt know anyone there, I knew everyone they were talking about. It's very weird to say, but I had an absolute blast! Sketchy people getting in and out of the bar at 2 am, phone ringing so late, "normal people" arriving randomly at 3am fully sober at the club, etc. I could continue for days, I LOVED this environnement. It gave me nostalgia.
That being said, I'm now in the bath in full anxiety mode, wondering how I will avoid going back to my old habits which would surely destroy my life. Seems like an easy decision but I don't trust myself on this one...
Anybody went through something similar? Would greatly appreciate help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
Hey Habsfan 
No one would get hooked if every time we drank it was awful.
Addiction loves it when we drink and nothing ‘bad’ happens.
The thing is I chased those few pleasurable experiences and got a mountain of bad ones in return.
You know the game is rigged.
It’s a bait and switch.
You can either drink until you lose everything again or be smart and stop now.
You said so yourself that drinking bought you misery.
This time will be no different.
I prefer the sober me and the sober life I’ve built, hands down.
If you don’t feel that way, maybe there’s a good place to start?
D
No one would get hooked if every time we drank it was awful.
Addiction loves it when we drink and nothing ‘bad’ happens.
The thing is I chased those few pleasurable experiences and got a mountain of bad ones in return.
You know the game is rigged.
It’s a bait and switch.
You can either drink until you lose everything again or be smart and stop now.
You said so yourself that drinking bought you misery.
This time will be no different.
I prefer the sober me and the sober life I’ve built, hands down.
If you don’t feel that way, maybe there’s a good place to start?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 18
Oh man I was at club recently hanging out with a girl from work and some of her friends. This was the beginning of my most recent bender. Well I had tons of fun. Dancing(I don't consider myself a good dancer btw ha!) All that. We reserved a table and got a package that included like 40 beers. Well I got pretty damn drunk.
When the show was over we went back to the hotel. They had their room I had mine. Again we're friends. But we still hanged out together and got more drunk. Who knows how many beers I drank. I lost track.
Well surprisingly i wasn't that hungover the next morning. Just little dazed nothing crazy. Keep in mind that this was the beginning of my bender and I hadn't drank like 5 days before this.
That said there's was something about me going out to the club and being in that environment that sparked something. I suddenly had this strong desire to continue drinking. That same day when I got home I went straight to the liquor store and bought a bottle. Almost like I wanted to relive that night with my friends. Well this went on for the next 6 days straight. Morning and night ughh.
I finally stopped and this was a whole different hangover. 4 days later and I'm still feeling it and still feel a little dazed. First time this has happened since I relapsed and where I've been experiencing a high level of anxiety too.
Moral of the story? Be careful when entering or reentering this type of lifestyle when you're an alcoholic it could trigger something and you could find yourself in that dark horrible place again
When the show was over we went back to the hotel. They had their room I had mine. Again we're friends. But we still hanged out together and got more drunk. Who knows how many beers I drank. I lost track.
Well surprisingly i wasn't that hungover the next morning. Just little dazed nothing crazy. Keep in mind that this was the beginning of my bender and I hadn't drank like 5 days before this.
That said there's was something about me going out to the club and being in that environment that sparked something. I suddenly had this strong desire to continue drinking. That same day when I got home I went straight to the liquor store and bought a bottle. Almost like I wanted to relive that night with my friends. Well this went on for the next 6 days straight. Morning and night ughh.
I finally stopped and this was a whole different hangover. 4 days later and I'm still feeling it and still feel a little dazed. First time this has happened since I relapsed and where I've been experiencing a high level of anxiety too.
Moral of the story? Be careful when entering or reentering this type of lifestyle when you're an alcoholic it could trigger something and you could find yourself in that dark horrible place again
Member
Join Date: Feb 2024
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 4
Honesty is appreciated
I appreciate the story as it makes me think of the many times I have lapsed for the nostalgia part. Its as though I can't relive the moment unless impaired. The truth is that after visiting a strip club, I rarely feel content or satisfied and feel sad to be there again around so many sad people. The illusion is not worth it as it does fade away leaving us sitting drunk in a lonely place all for the sake of pretending the nostalgia needed to be relived.
Originally Posted by habsfan18 
So I have quit drinking for the past 5 years. Without going into details, Alchool was absolutely destroying my life and would destroy my life if I started drinking again. I made a few posts on this forum during my drinking days and the people here really helped me, much more than AA for me. I really felt each time that somebody had been in my situation and I am much grateful for that.
During the past 5 years, I "relapsed" maybe 3-4 times for 1 night each and did not really get really drunk. Each time was crap and boring as I drank alone at home and simply fell asleep quickly due to no tolerance. Each time I woke up the next morning feeling hungover and even threw up one morning even though I drank just a few IPAs. I really hated that and honestly did not feel at all like restarting drinking. Even though they are still relapses and very bad, they did not "scare" or trouble me so much. I'm very anxious and lived through some stuff and was honestly kinda proud of myself to only have "only" relapsed for less than a 24 pack in 5 years.
Now, here is the current situation. Yesterday, I relapsed again. I still did not get very drunk. I even felt like I could control myself, which I know is an illusion and I will loose it. This time, I really dug into my previous life and went to the strip club. I have been to the strip club hundreds of time in my life, (I even dated a stripper for a while) but very rarely not *********. Yesterday was one of the very(!) few times I remember everything.
I drank a few beers and 3 Vodka Redbull, got a full naked lapdance from possibly the most beautiful woman I saw in my life, took some news from old friends, even though I didnt know anyone there, I knew everyone they were talking about. It's very weird to say, but I had an absolute blast! Sketchy people getting in and out of the bar at 2 am, phone ringing so late, "normal people" arriving randomly at 3am fully sober at the club, etc. I could continue for days, I LOVED this environnement. It gave me nostalgia.
That being said, I'm now in the bath in full anxiety mode, wondering how I will avoid going back to my old habits which would surely destroy my life. Seems like an easy decision but I don't trust myself on this one...
Anybody went through something similar? Would greatly appreciate help.
During the past 5 years, I "relapsed" maybe 3-4 times for 1 night each and did not really get really drunk. Each time was crap and boring as I drank alone at home and simply fell asleep quickly due to no tolerance. Each time I woke up the next morning feeling hungover and even threw up one morning even though I drank just a few IPAs. I really hated that and honestly did not feel at all like restarting drinking. Even though they are still relapses and very bad, they did not "scare" or trouble me so much. I'm very anxious and lived through some stuff and was honestly kinda proud of myself to only have "only" relapsed for less than a 24 pack in 5 years.
Now, here is the current situation. Yesterday, I relapsed again. I still did not get very drunk. I even felt like I could control myself, which I know is an illusion and I will loose it. This time, I really dug into my previous life and went to the strip club. I have been to the strip club hundreds of time in my life, (I even dated a stripper for a while) but very rarely not *********. Yesterday was one of the very(!) few times I remember everything.
I drank a few beers and 3 Vodka Redbull, got a full naked lapdance from possibly the most beautiful woman I saw in my life, took some news from old friends, even though I didnt know anyone there, I knew everyone they were talking about. It's very weird to say, but I had an absolute blast! Sketchy people getting in and out of the bar at 2 am, phone ringing so late, "normal people" arriving randomly at 3am fully sober at the club, etc. I could continue for days, I LOVED this environnement. It gave me nostalgia.
That being said, I'm now in the bath in full anxiety mode, wondering how I will avoid going back to my old habits which would surely destroy my life. Seems like an easy decision but I don't trust myself on this one...
Anybody went through something similar? Would greatly appreciate help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: Near the mountains
Posts: 1,542
I can guarantee that I'd enjoy relapsing... right up to the point where I didn't enjoy it. The physical effects, and what my mind would do! It would be devastating. It's all fun and games...
I get it though.
I get it though.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
"That being said, I'm now in the bath in full anxiety mode, wondering how I will avoid going back to my old habits which would surely destroy my life. Seems like an easy decision but I don't trust myself on this one..."
You might be walking toward the precipice. As an alcoholic, I will not drink. I don't buy it, I graciously decline it, I don't hang in bars, I keep a dry house. I remain vigilant when attending a gathering--and leave if it gets too rambunctious due to booze. I'm over 5 years hard sober, and I don't drink...because I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe it's time to shake things up and squash some of those habits... You have to be all in on sobriety. Best wishes.
You might be walking toward the precipice. As an alcoholic, I will not drink. I don't buy it, I graciously decline it, I don't hang in bars, I keep a dry house. I remain vigilant when attending a gathering--and leave if it gets too rambunctious due to booze. I'm over 5 years hard sober, and I don't drink...because I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe it's time to shake things up and squash some of those habits... You have to be all in on sobriety. Best wishes.
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