steve-in-kville

Yesterday was one of the roughest days I've had since sober. Not the roughest, but it rates up there. Drama queens/kings at work, teenage daughter "issues", trying to rebalance our budget at home.... seems it piled up. My mind was in a haze yesterday, like I was in a dream world. Got through the workday. After work I needed to pick something up at Home Depot. Right across the street was a liquor store.

I thought I could make this day end with a fifth of vodka... just punch out and start again tomorrow. Then I thought, "no, show me you can do this and push through the wall." Don't let one bad day ruin all I have invested in sobriety. So I did. Went straight home, ate a good meal, watched a little TV (Chicago Med, anyone?) and got to bed early.

And here we are. I'm the last person to say I have this figured out. I don't. But do not let one ten-minute part of your day undo weeks, months or years of all the hard work you put into staying clean.

It's just after 4am as I type this. Already had some coffee. My mind is in a better place than yesterday. Hoping and praying for a clearer mind than yesterday. Push to the end folks, don't take the easy way out.

This is all.

dwtbd

You did take the easiest way , kick the thinking that identifies that way as the opposite, out. Drinking ain’t an easy lifestyle.

Hevyn

Steve, I'm so glad you made it over that hurdle.
It takes us a while to finally admit getting numb does nothing to help us come up with solutions. I remember sitting in front of the liquor store a few times in the early days of sobriety. I'd argue with myself - but somehow found the strength to drive way, usually with tears of gratitude for making it past the temptation.

Great post. Congratulations. It doesn't stay this challenging forever.

BullDog777

Physical cravings tend to burn out after about 20 minutes. Mental compulsions can take more time. Neither are worth your life. I used to play the same game in my head during the witching hour. For me, it was always like between 7-8pm. Those were the worst. This was the way i lived my life. I can't believe that I used to run over every single event in my day-just to qualify if I should, would, or just gave myself permission to get ripped. smfh.

My brain doesn't even work like that anymore.

I was talking to this guy I sponsor the other day, and he's gone out a couple of times already, I asked him "Don't you ever want to be in a place in your life where you just finally shut the door on all of this mess and move the F on?" He look at me dead straight faced and said "That's an option??!" I told him "yeah" as long as you don't pick up.

Every f'ing thing is always subject to change as long as you don't drink. And I told him that includes his obsession with booze.
He got really excited and is trying to plug back in. If he does the work, this dude is gonna have an amazing life. I told him he just needed to stop giving up on himself and put some consistent time together.

2 more days and I'll have 8 years. That's crazy. If i can do this Steve, literally anyone can.

steve-in-kville

I get off work around 2:30 or so. It is between 3 and 5pm where I would struggle. If I can get to 5pm, I'm in the clear. I now plan to either work out (be it a simple walk) or do meal prep. Once I'm past dinner, which is 5pm or so, I'm good.

Weekends tend to be a different story, though.

BullDog777

Try to fill up your weekends early on as much as you can. Family stuff, activities, gotta stay busy. At least that was what worked for me. Also, meal prep is awesome. I started to really get into healthy cooking. Good on you. That'll definitely help.

steve-in-kville

Thanks. I started working out again, nothing wild, basically stuff I can do at home. We are expecting our first grandchild this spring and I am determined to be in the best shape of my adult life, physically, mentally and emotionally. That means the booze gotta go for good.