100

if im honest I had doubts before I relapsed that I was a real alcoholic because I didn't drink every day ect. I have no doubts now it's quite obvious. it would run through my head am I an alcoholic or not driving me insane. I never admitted in a meeting that I had some doubts or to myself. I knew I didn't drink normally or safely. I knew I couldn't control it but i didnt drink all the time like many of my aa friends this made feel like I was different that I didn't belong. well I know this is clearly not true and I did drink almost every day. I'm certainly an alcoholic because I can't drink without my life becoming totally about getting loaded. my doubts have been erased I'm sure that I belong now. i have admitted to to innermost self I'm an alcoholic and an addict. the events of this week and my life make this abundantly Clear. I'm was 90 percent sure before and now 100 percent. mabey if I had brought this up I wouldn't have had to drink again but I feel it had to happen and was going to happen. when I feel like drinking again I will read my old posts and see the desperation and despair and I'll stay sober. I'm done for good.
David

LoveHateWhine

Thanks for posting this.

Hevyn

David - It was that way for me, too. I kept trying to insist I wasn't an alcoholic, just a 'problem drinker'. Nearly lost my life proving I was wrong.
Great idea to remember the posts, & what you've put yourself through by experimenting.

Newlife8643

You took the thoughts right out of my mind what I wouldn't say but have thought 1000 times. Thank you!