100

I thought hard about using and drinking I found my self on dispensary web site but fortunately for me it was closed for delivery. I don't want to use now the thought has passed. I'm sick today but that doesn't stop the cravings. I had a terrible day and then the cravings came screaming at me and I didn't use or drink. wanted to badly but didn't do it. its crazy how quickly the bad times are forgotten and then I say ft and everything goes down the drain.
David

SoberLeigh

Keep pushing through, 100. It will get easier.

What are you doing for your sobriety? Doing something each day to bolster your sobriety keeps you focused.

Dee74

did you get anything from going to the MA meetings David?

D

100

Only went twice aa is more convenient and it's not real much different. Anyway the craving passed only time, I had really craved for days. I felt really depressed and self conscious the last two days. Plus I have a sore throat and don't feel good which is affecting my mood. I don't want to drink or use now, but I did want to do both today. I didn't go to a meetings today since I don't think it's okay to go sick. cravings are to be expected I'm trying to do things that make me feel good such as tv and reading. I know drinking may feel good for a few hours, but then it's hell on earth,and God only knows what fall from my drunken crazy insane behavior. A friend says she doesn't act right when drinking and nether do I. plus I'm sick and drinking would only make me sicker, but dam it I still salivate at the thought. it's just the addition talking I don't want it, let it talk. When see the truth that drinking/using doesn't give me anything I don't want it. I want it when I believe the lie that it will magical make things better. I do plan to go back to ma but I know alcohol is my biggest problem. That said they go hand in hand one follows the other. Anything that changes how I feel is a potential problem in the making a
even if I have never tried it. Anyway I'm feeling better especially after this post.
David

Dee74

OK, thats your call.

Your cravings seem pretty wild tho - I'd make sure the amount of recovery work you're doing is always greater than the pull of the cravings...keep that front and centre and you'll be fine

D

100

ma only has 2 meetings a week in my town. so my schedule doesn't really permit it all the time. plan to go when I can.
David

SproutLife

NICE FREAKING WORK! I swear it gets easier every single time you go through these exercises, at least it has for me. You should be really really really REALLY proud of yourself.

Zencat

Good going 100. Play the tape forward and backward over and over again. The pull to use will loosen up with every day sober.

100

no cravings today at all. I'm sick bur I tested myself and it's not covid. I think it's a sinus infection that's gotten worse recently. I had convinced myself I had a terrible sickness like cancer. that's why I wanted to drink so badly yesterday to get the thought out of my head. I didn't even want to say because then it would happen. I'm going to the doctor today to see if I need antibiotics. day 8 today which makes me sad that it's only 8 days. 8 days is big when your an alcoholic whose tells you to drink constantly. I've been kicking my ass for my relapse and I've been full of self hatred lately. also been feeling sorry for myself lately. this weekend will be a test because I'm going to Canada to ski this Thursday the weekend. I'll be around drinking but I'm around it at home anyway. I'm going to try to get to meeting but won't have access to a car. I don't know if uber or lift is in Canada I'll have to see. I ll go to meeting Thursday morning before I leave. I'm going for sure I could relase at home just as easily you can't run from this disease. I except I'm going to be fine and I'll stay out of the bars of course.
David

Dee74

I hope you come back next week with a nearly two weeks sober streak David.

D