100

I almost used I was upset because thier is big issues in my aa meeting club 99 percent of people a great but one person is causing a lot of trouble and the traditions aren't being followed. Nasty gossip is going around and people are being kicked out of the sober club. I'm afraid everyone will leave I won't see my friends anymore and I will be alone. I love my homegroup and infighting is tearing it apart. I'm close to using I'm afraid I'm going to give in. I worry about everything. the thing I had a really great night then someone mentioned this and I'm really upset I'm so afraid of being alone. postive news my friend I asked if she would like to go to a movie sometime and she said yes. just friends for know but you never know.
David

Dee74

Hi David

I know its hard but try and stop catastrophising....and breathe.

You using wont help you deal with this.

Speak with others in the group who you look up to and trust and share your fears with them.
I bet some of them have some awesome wisdom to share about situations like this

D

100

also this voice in my head keeps say it just pot its no big deal. it won't kill you. I know it's a lie but I still want it so badly sometimes. one min Iit feels as if I'll never want it again the next I'm thinking about calling and having it delivered to my house because that's how easy it is to get here. so many people in aa use pot so then I start thinking so can. I'm not giving up but I don't know how longer I can fight this without giving in.
David

Dee74

Its hard to stop craving. Its going to take some work from you David, but it's not impossible - far from it.

Maybe some Marijuana Anonymous meetings would be useful for you?
I know they have online meetings.
https://marijuana-anonymous.org/find-a-meeting/#

I've given you these links before - did you look at them?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ful-links.html (Recovery Toolbox - helpful links)
D

Zencat

Hi David.

Unfortunately where people gather there is a potential for conflict. For now your self-care comes first and the drama last. Also I see something good happened as well. In AA they say stick with the winners, Dee mentioned that. Be attracted to those you admire and distract yourself from the problem people. Try some self-soothing to help with the anxiety. This too shall pass, easy does it, first things first.

BlownOne

There are no saints in AA . Just broken people who want to quit drinking and using. So there will always be some level of conflict or disagreement amongst different people with different personalities. Don't let that throw you. Use it as an opportunity to see the kind of person you want to become as well as perhaps the kind of person you DON'T want to become, because you'll find them both. Keep going to your meetings and focus on the positive. And as far as people in AA using pot, they ought to know better. They're only fooling themselves. You can do it. Peace to you (from a fellow friend of Bill W.)