100

I'm feeling so down today and using food to deal with my feeling which makes feel even worse. I picture gaining all the weight I lost back. I'm not alone but I feel that way. I've been really irritable lately and snaping at my family. I'm not going to use I'm just having a really hard time. I feel like crying one moment then I'm angry the next. my family doesn't know I relapsed. man using is so not worth it. all this because I got high.
David
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Dee74

Hi David

Maybe coming off all your meds at once is a factor? I know the doctor gave you the OK, but pot can mess with your mind.

The god news is its not a long term thing anyway...hang in there

D

100

I'm still on a med I should of said almost off everything just a low dose taken for sleep. it's definitely the using that did it. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed my cronic pain is so bad since I stoped using. so much worse than before I released I ache all over like I have the flu. I'm definitely craving on some level I don't want it but I feel the pull. I also feel so guilty for over eating basically todays been really bad part because I hardly slept.im so tired.
David

SproutLife

I'm so sorry David! I hate those feelings depression is the worst. Just laying in bed and yelling at yourself to get up and do the things that make you happy or appreciate all you have but your brain is just like nope. I wish I could give you a hug or binge watch a show with you friend. Every day is a new day and an opportunity to have something change, all cliche and annoying and true. Sending you hugs and good vibes.

SproutLife

Oh and eat all you want it really helps, i had to do the same thing.

100

I cleaned my room and it made a real difference' it was really bad there were bugs and trash everywhere. so I must have been very depressed for a long time. I suffer from fatigue which is probably related to depression, because a lot of time I don't feel sad I just don't want do anything.
the other thing is have terrible sleep problems.
one of my aa friends said life's to lived not just get sober and be miserable. they told me you don't have do this alone you have friends and we will do it together.
I just have to keep it real and tell on my self when I'm not okay. instead of putting on a show so people will like me.

David

Dee74

I’m glad you cleaned up David. You sound better

D

100

my slip has made me realize I've been listening to the voices in my head telling me i a loser a failure I'm ugly and stupid and ever so incapable. that my friends only tolerate me and no realy likes. I always wondered what they said when they aren't around. I know this is a lie everyone been so supportive. I've been honest and told my friends I'm struggling I'm being real honest. I shared how my depression tells me I'm worthless and some have told me they have experienced the same. I've been struggling for a long time and told nobody because I thought I was a burden. I meeting with my sponsor tomorrow and going to completely honest.
part of my problem is afraid people will abbadone me and betray me. I've been hurt before and have hard time trusting because people have used what I've told them to bully me growing up. it's still really hard right now anxiety is bad when I'm around other people.
David

Dee74

I think being honest will help. People cant help you if they don't know you're in trouble.

D

advbike

Hang in there, man. You had over a year sober and although it seems pretty raw and tough right now, you will get through it pretty quickly and be back on track.

Proud of your efforts, David.