HighDraw18

Day 16 today and another sober weekend in the books. Beautiful weather on Saturday and Sunday and, thankfully, I was able to spend a lot of time outside.

Had a moment of temptation on Saturday afternoon but I thought through how it would make me feel on Sunday and the thought quickly passed. Having success taking it one day at a time and plan to continue doing so.

HighDraw18

Well, this didn’t work. Went back to it shortly after my last post here. Things need to change.

Hevyn

But you came back, HighDraw - that's what matters. Good to see you, but sorry for the reason. Maybe you'll be more determined than ever now.
Keep posting - we care about you.

Dee74

Welcome back High Draw
sounds like yeah things need to change.

How are you going to make that happen - any ideas yet?
D

HighDraw18

Thanks Hevyn and Dee. No concrete ideas yet but I need to do something. My main problem is that I forget the aftermath of a binge given some time and then when I see thing are alright, start thinking about picking up another drink. Need to change some my routines, I think, especially around weekends.

HighDraw18

Shame is a tough thing. Dealing with a hefty dose of it now after some less than optimal behavior over the weekend. In some way, I feel like I need to hang on to this feeling, and use it to remember the reality of what happens when drinking. It’s astounding how much different sober HighDraw is than drinking HighDraw.

Hevyn

Oh for sure, HighDraw. That was one of the main reasons I had to give up the idea that I could be a social drinker. I always turned into someone I didn't recognize.
Memories of my last binge remain fresh in my mind, even many years later. I cringe when I remember.

Alpine

I definitely turned into a person that I am not proud of and realized I had to stop. No drinking no matter what. Sure, it is easier said than done...that is for darn sure..But I know one thing..You came back and are giving it a go. For me what helped was coming here daily to read at first, then I got comfortable and started posting.I also ran that tape forward to remember what happens when I drank. I think it was Dee that told me it's the first drink you have to worry about...not the last. I know everyone is different so what works for one may not work for another. I do wish you the very best.

HighDraw18

Thanks Hevyn and Alpine. Definitely did a lot of hanging around here and reading yesterday. Remembering these feelings and the realities of drinking will be key. My pattern is always binge, feel better after some time, and then forget what I had said and binge again.

What I do know is that it is Day 3 here and I will not drink today.

Alpine

Woot!!! Day 3 is awesome. Stay close

Hevyn

3 Days - those early ones are rough, but you're doing it HD.

HighDraw18

Day 4 and dealing with some kind of cold/sickness; most likely due to a lack of sleep last weekend.

Otherwise, midpoint of the week and feeling pretty good. A few stressful meetings over the next couple of days to get past but looking forward to a quiet, sober weekend.

Alpine

If interested you can join us in the weekenders thread. Great group of people.

Horses for Courses - Weekenders, 14 - 17 July 2023 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (Horses for Courses - Weekenders, 14 - 17 July 2023)

doggonecarl

"Remembering these feelings and the realities of drinking will be key."

Wrong. You have already proved that memory doesn't serve as a shield for your binging. Aversion therapy is not recovery. Decide that you can no longer drink. Ever. Commit to that. Forever. No drinking. Period. Take a solemn vow to never drink again.

Then you don't have to remember how bad you felt. You just have to remember you don't drink.

Hawkeye13

What carl said is so true—you will forget the intensity as you have forgotten it over and over before. It’s what psychologists call “fading effect bias” and we all do it. Check out William Porter’s book “Alcohol Explained” if you want to see exactly how it works in those of us who have a problem with relapsing when we are sure that we are done forever “this time”. It takes that absolute commitment of “I am a non-drinker annd that’s non-negotiable, plus supporting recovery actions to really quit for good—saying you will remember this relapse episode and use willpower is simply not a plan that will work.

HighDraw18

Really good advice here, Carl and Hawk - you both are spot on. Just relying on remembering is not an effective strategy as I have proven time and time again. Simple but powerful - I do not drink. That has to be the way forward.

Thanks for the tip, Alpine. I will check out the weekenders thread.

HighDraw18

Almost through day 6. Got through a stressful week and enjoying a quiet, sober Friday night. Need to watch myself tomorrow, Saturday afternoon is a major trigger time for me. Planning to take care of some chores around the house and to stay close here.

Hevyn

Hello on your Day 7 HighDraw. Congratulations for getting here.
Weekends in the beginning were very challenging for me - I'm glad you're aware of that. I felt a bit sorry for myself early on, FOMO & all that. But why? Drinking had not been fun, exciting, or relaxing in a very long time. I needed to be honest about how it all ended & the misery it brought me every time I picked it up.
Hope your day's going well. There'll be no hangover to torture you.

HighDraw18

Thanks Hevyn. Made it through day 7 sober despite having to fight some cravings this afternoon. Looking forward to waking up refreshed tomorrow.

Dee74

congrats on your week HighDraw

D