Justme2016

Had another horrible incident what should of been an amazing night ended in crap. I know I need to stop. I keep playing this Russian Roulette. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m really scared. I’m 43 what if I just can’t do it. I can go weeks without drinking and I forget all the shame and have another binge. Mentally I can’t keep doing this but the scary thing is I can’t picture a life without drinking at social events. It feels like all the fun ends. I know this can’t be true but it’s stuck in my head. All feedback appreciated.

Dee74

if it was true all the fun ends without drinking, we'd all be pretty miserable - and we're not.

You have to have faith that not drinking is the right thing to do, and you need to follow that faith with action.

What have you been doing to stay sober besides posting here?
what can you reasonably add to that?

I think you might be doing yourself a disservice too by pigeon holing yourself as only a binge drinker... the solutions the same for an everyday drinker as it is for a binge drinker....we have to stop drinking - and we have to do everything that we can to make that happen.

It takes a lot of effort but its worth it. You're worth it

D

least

When I was newly sober I felt awkward a lot and I didn't know what to do with myself . at least I wasn't giving myself headaches in the morning. it took me a few months of completely sober time to get used to being sober. I started to feel better and more at ease when my life was slowing down. it wasn't rushing past me in a blur ibut was going at reasonable pace that I could keep up with.

Sometimes I get bored, everybody does, but my life overall is not boring. It's peaceful and calm and still... Just the way I like it.

MrPL

Hi Justme - I used to think the same as you.

Turns out the fun doesn’t end. The fun changes. Instead of predictable drinking fun, you actually get to enjoy things for what they are. Much better in my opinion (and I’m a very social guy).

Also, for us alcoholics, drinking fun is an illusion, it maybe lasts for the first 2 or 3 drinks, but after that we are either worried about drinking too much again or we are actually drinking too much again. Not fun.

You can do this, but it will take commitment. Many of us here can guarantee you this is worthwhile, but you have to convince yourself this is the case.

Plenty of support here and also many tools you can use in the real world.

My best wishes to you, you can do this!

Obladi

First off, I could have written your post 30 years ago. I remember the shame and remorse of the morning after yet another binge I hadn't planned. Then it got worse. Every bit of 'fun' in drinking devolved into a life consisting of work, drinking, recovering, then doing it all over again. And feeling absolutely trapped. My rational brain knew the way out of there, but my alcohol-infused brain just could not make sense of it. I haven't claimed drinking was fun for... I don't know? Maybe forever? But I sure did enjoy the escape into not caring about being hurt, not feeling self-conscious, losing my inhibitions and becoming sociable. Until my drinking got so bad I couldn't do it in public anymore.

It's possible that you may need to skip social events of a drinking nature for a good long time. I'm not a terrible social person, but I can imagine how intimidating that must be for more extroverted folks. Social or not, relinquishing the booze is a very big life change. It makes sense to be nervous about that, even resistant to it, but really - what choice do people like us have? We either change our lives or we devolve into a place where life is just a thing we do so that we can continue to drink.

Dee asks it all the time (and he did already, of course), but I also would like to know - what else are you doing to support sobriety? Some people seem to do the whole shooting match by participating in SR, but I think those folks post quite a lot. Perhaps consider upping your time here? What about AA or Smart Recovery or one of the many irl other options out there for group support?

I believe in you.

O

Zebra1275

Have you ever seen pictures or a cell phone video of yourself when you are drinking?

Luckily for me, my alcoholic behaviors occurred before the widespread adoption of cell phones. I would cringe if something like that was recorded and posted on social media.

Hopefully, this won't happen to you. But be aware that it could.

Hevyn

Worrying about all the fun ending kept me drinking for decades, Justme. So I was way past 43 when my life fell completely apart & I was drinking all day. This never needs to happen to you. I'm so glad you realize what has to happen. The drinking life isn't sustainable. You can get free of it and enjoy all the wonderful years you have left

I like what MrPL said - the fun doesn't end, it changes. There's an adjustment period & maybe a brief feeling of being disoriented, but after that you will heal and grow. Glad you are here to talk things over.

Radix

The thought about not having any fun if you can't drink at social events is the AV feeding you lies, in order to enable your continued use. It's simply not true. Evidence: we can all remember fun times before we started drinking. Even if you have to go back all the way to childhood, we can find memories of fun sober times. This is proof that we actually can have fun sober. More evidence: at every wedding, and at parties all around the world at this very minute, there are plenty of people who aren't drinking and are having fun. So this idea that you can't have fun unless you drink is simply false. I get it, it feels true. Nut it isn't. That feeling doesn't map on to reality.

I struggled with this; I kept drinking because I believed the lies. I believed that removing alcohol would remove the fun. But then I realized that the feeling was just there to protect my drinking, that the feeling wasn't giving me accurate information about myself or the world.

I learned to challenge the feeling by remembering fun times before alcohol. That reminiscence isn't intended to be bittersweet or wistful, it's just data, proving I could experience fun while sober. If I could have fun sober back then, then I could have fun sober in the future. I found that helpful. Maybe this can help you too.

You can do this.

Justme2016

Thank you everyone. I started attending zoom AA meeting. I also started a counselor that worked with alcoholism. She is tough she actually said she would not work me unless I went to one meeting. I guess it scares me when she says eventually we will work in the steps. That freaks me out. I have avoided her the last two sessions because I got back in a safe place with not feeling shameful and decided I could try to control it. It’s craziness. Russian Roulette is what I call it. I’m just going to keep trying but everything that everyone said really helps me look at it a different way.

Dee74

I’m glad you went to the zoom meeting. Keeping trying is good - but trying new things is better

Its going to take more than one zoom meeting or one therapist visit.
It’s going to take more than posting here after you drink, rather than before…

but it’s a start

D

Justme2016

I’ve had been attending meetings everyday but stopped a few days ago. I’ve been in counseling for a year but finally switched to someone who deals with alcohol is the main issue I’ve been hiding.

LadyBug66

I HAVE! That is one of the reasons I quit. It wasn't an awful video but I still didn't like what I saw. It's still a little awkward going out and everyone is drinking except me but I am completely ok with that and I still have fun. I even had someone make the comment..... she's so funny and she isn't even drinking! LOL

zjw

for me there was a fine line between I'm never drinking again and I'm just not drinking now. If i leaned to far in the never drinking again camp I wanted to drink. If i made it seem like i was just not drinking this hour or today a bit too much i'd sit there hopeful that i could drink tommorrow then. I found this sweet spot mentally for a while that i just kinda hung out at to help ease the cravings. I'd think things like i'm not drinking today maybe i will tommorrow maybe i wont i really dont know but for now this is where i'm at. I couldnt commit to sobriety it terrified me to do so.

I kept 18 beers in my fridge for probably almost 2 years because i just wasnt ready to be a sober person ya know just in case... Some would say thats nuts and maybe it was but its what worked for me. I felt if i could resist the temptation and it was RIGHT in front of me it would make me stronger. I dont know if i'd suggest this approach to everyone.

I agree with you no booze at social events and so on I very much felt like well life stinks now. The funs been taken away etc.. and honestly a lot of those events did truely stink without booze. I realized I didnt really like going to those events. I didnt like being around drunk people and i felt bad that i once behaved like that and it made me dislike my oldself even more.

for me i just found other stuff to do. and yeh i was bored for a while till i found those things. but there is actually a lot of enjoyable things to do sober.

slimjim30

Have you ever heard of Naltrexone and the Sinclair Method? If you're not drinking daily it might be something worth considering in consultation with your doctor.