Difficult situation

Old 04-26-2022, 09:14 AM
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Difficult situation

I have been sober for 11 years this month. Last night I found out my brother, an active alcoholic, has been arrested for embezzlement. This involves my parents estate. They both died in 2020. My brother has been very abusive and I had to distance myself from him. The money that was embezzled was my inheritance. I have been struggling with this complicated situation for some time now. I am 65 and disabled. The AA meetings here just started up again after Covid. I just left the AA meeting slightly early because I had an anxiety attack. I also could not sleep last night because of this. Seems like I should have it together moreso than this after being sober for 11 years 4/20/11. Any feedback appreciated.
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Old 04-26-2022, 11:38 AM
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Wow. That is so bad on so many levels and I am so very sorry this happened to you.

Main thing now is to secure whatever is left immediately. Do you have a friend who is a lawyer and or accountant who can help you with this? Who handled their estate?

To state the obvious, the only thing that could make this any worse is for you to drink over it.

Hang in there.

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Old 04-26-2022, 01:23 PM
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I’m sorry this is happening to you VioletBlue, but it’s good to ‘see’ you again.

One of the things I’ve learned is being in recovery doesn’t make me superhuman.

I still have anxiety and the occasional panic attack, and I’m dealing with day to day things, nothing like you’re dealing with, so maybe you need to cut yourself some slack?

Through all this your recovery is obvious and you should take heart in that.

There is always support here.
I also hope you can engage some legal help to get back what is yours legally.
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Old 04-26-2022, 02:29 PM
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That sounds awful, VioletBlue.

I think it's great you mention AA - this is definitely something you could share in that forum. It's important to be able to express the anxiety, anger and maybe even fear you have surrounding this situation. People in the room will understand. I'm not sure about the groups you frequent, but mine seem to have their fair share of lawyers. Someone may be able to help you (or refer you to someone who can).

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Old 04-26-2022, 02:32 PM
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I would contact an attorney to see if you can get your money back.

11 years sober is wonderful don't throw it away because of this.
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Old 04-26-2022, 03:21 PM
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Thank you for the supportive comments. My brother is in deep trouble. My other siblings are facing consequences also. What he did to my mother on her deathbed was incomprehensible. It grieves me every day. I wanted justice for her and for myself. My therapist said; "If he goes to jail then he deserves it." I am not sure what a normal reaction to this would be. The anxiety is confusing. Maybe I just need a little time to process it all. I know I will not pick up a drink. There is a bright future unfolding in another aspect of my life.
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Old 04-29-2022, 10:44 AM
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I like you will have 11 years come june. My life has gone off the rails in many ways in the last 4 years most of which was not my fault at all. Everything just fell apart started with me getting laid off and just has been a series of unforntunate events ever since.

I'm reeling most days just barely hanging on. I feel and well i know that life is really jsut out of my control. Thinking i have any control at all is just a dillusion. But its an easy dillusion for me to fall into.

the only garantee in life is that life will be just that unpredicatable and who knows whats around the corner could be good could be bad.

But having been through stuff and seen others go through stuff and remain sober I know I dont need a drink to make anything better. I know that will make htings incredibly worse. But for me at times i ponder should i just throw it all away? I mean whats the sense if its out of my control. But i know this is also destructive thinking for me and wont end well.

My point is it sounds like after 11 years sober you have learned a thing or two. You realize drinking isnt an option. But getting /through/ these situations sure isnt easy.

The thing is if we like it or not time moves forward things move forward. you can sit back and ignore this thing entirely and its still gonna unfold with or without your intervention etc.. it is going to drag you in and out of it weather you like it or not.

so sometimes all we can do is float and let things process. This kinda stuff comes and goes. Tomorrow something great could happen who knows.

hang in there and congrats on the 11 years. Its good you know drinkings not an option.
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Old 04-29-2022, 02:22 PM
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That is a great post zjw - I hope things start to turn around for you

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Old 05-02-2022, 05:09 PM
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Thank you zjw for sharing your life experience and insight.
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