Bac k after a long time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 124
Bac k after a long time
Hello everyone, it's been a while since I posted. I got away from alcohol (at least binge drinking for the most part), in my late twenties and had been drinking more moderately for several years but my intake has slowly started to increase (especially since the start of 2022), and I've got to a point where I feel I don't have control anymore.
But in short it's got to a point where I realised I can't keep going like this. I'm almost 33 now and I just can't do hangovers anymore. Moderation doesn't work. At least, not for me. Ultimately, you're going to run aground eventually and feel terrible with 'moderation'. It always catches up with you. It's just such a nasty experience everytime to be honest. I've got to a junction where I seriously never want to be hungover again. I do sometimes think the difference between those of us who are trying to quit, versus others, is that we just hate hangovers so much. And for us, the very thought of being hungover again creates way too much anxiety. Of course, it's not just hangovers, but for me that's the key problem I have at the moment. It spurs so much anxiety in me, and takes me to this horrible state.
Put simply, I've realised that alcohol can't have any place in my life if I really want to thrive and feel happy. How can anyone thrive if they are constantly imbibing and in that habitual hangover cycle?
As an example, I went to my mum's house a few weeks ago and, with the wider family, we had several bottles of red wine over the Sat night. Suffice to say I remember driving home the next day with my partner to the city, thinking; what a shame it was that after getting out the rural countryside for some fresh air and relaxation, we were (or at least, I was), going back to the city, and our jobs, feeling tired and not well-rested. What's the logic in that? It defeats the whole purpose of the weekend.
I have a friend's stag do coming up in March and finally decided to stand up for myself and I'm feeling very proud. The stag do is based over two nights with a day of activities in our city - i.e. two nights of alcohol, and most likey a bad hangover on the Saturday morning / day whilst doing the activities (and not being able to even enjoy them). I realised that if I want to protect my sobriety, I need to take control of this situation. So I messaged saying I would just meet them on Sat morning for the activities and go home that same night. Stag do's are practically the worst thing when it comes to the depressing ritual of drinking for the sake of it. I almost have trauma from going to one a few years back. I remember that horrible feeling waking up after the first night, thinking 'I'm stuck with this guys for another night, and I'm going to feel like **** today and tomorrow.' It's literally like hell on earth. Never again!
Anyway, I texted the best man and he had no issues with my plan Suddenly I feel I've created some space. The only thing I need to do next is communciate to my work that I'm not drinking and then it should get easier. I realise in general most people don't actually care. It's all in my head that people are going to have a big issue with it.
It's great to be back on this journey. To be honest, I didn't see much of a choice; alcohol brings me to mental anguish and despair. I see it as pure evil in terms of the next-day effects and I want to be done with it. Waking up early on the weekend, without a hangover, is my heaven and that's where I want to dwell. Thanks for reading all.
But in short it's got to a point where I realised I can't keep going like this. I'm almost 33 now and I just can't do hangovers anymore. Moderation doesn't work. At least, not for me. Ultimately, you're going to run aground eventually and feel terrible with 'moderation'. It always catches up with you. It's just such a nasty experience everytime to be honest. I've got to a junction where I seriously never want to be hungover again. I do sometimes think the difference between those of us who are trying to quit, versus others, is that we just hate hangovers so much. And for us, the very thought of being hungover again creates way too much anxiety. Of course, it's not just hangovers, but for me that's the key problem I have at the moment. It spurs so much anxiety in me, and takes me to this horrible state.
Put simply, I've realised that alcohol can't have any place in my life if I really want to thrive and feel happy. How can anyone thrive if they are constantly imbibing and in that habitual hangover cycle?
As an example, I went to my mum's house a few weeks ago and, with the wider family, we had several bottles of red wine over the Sat night. Suffice to say I remember driving home the next day with my partner to the city, thinking; what a shame it was that after getting out the rural countryside for some fresh air and relaxation, we were (or at least, I was), going back to the city, and our jobs, feeling tired and not well-rested. What's the logic in that? It defeats the whole purpose of the weekend.
I have a friend's stag do coming up in March and finally decided to stand up for myself and I'm feeling very proud. The stag do is based over two nights with a day of activities in our city - i.e. two nights of alcohol, and most likey a bad hangover on the Saturday morning / day whilst doing the activities (and not being able to even enjoy them). I realised that if I want to protect my sobriety, I need to take control of this situation. So I messaged saying I would just meet them on Sat morning for the activities and go home that same night. Stag do's are practically the worst thing when it comes to the depressing ritual of drinking for the sake of it. I almost have trauma from going to one a few years back. I remember that horrible feeling waking up after the first night, thinking 'I'm stuck with this guys for another night, and I'm going to feel like **** today and tomorrow.' It's literally like hell on earth. Never again!
Anyway, I texted the best man and he had no issues with my plan Suddenly I feel I've created some space. The only thing I need to do next is communciate to my work that I'm not drinking and then it should get easier. I realise in general most people don't actually care. It's all in my head that people are going to have a big issue with it.
It's great to be back on this journey. To be honest, I didn't see much of a choice; alcohol brings me to mental anguish and despair. I see it as pure evil in terms of the next-day effects and I want to be done with it. Waking up early on the weekend, without a hangover, is my heaven and that's where I want to dwell. Thanks for reading all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,910
Good for you George I wish i had your vision and understanding at your age 🙂. You know what you want and need to do so go for it. You're spot on no-one cares if you dont drink. It was a worry for me also for whatever reason i had and i found people are more curious than anything else even jealous. So good luck to you on your journey.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 52,129
Great to see you,, George. You're doing a wonderful thing for yourself & your future. I wish I could go back to 33 & face the truth about my drinking.
It must have been a relief to let the best man know what was going on. You'll feel good limiting the celebration to one day, and no getting numb & stupid.
Well done!
It must have been a relief to let the best man know what was going on. You'll feel good limiting the celebration to one day, and no getting numb & stupid.
Well done!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 124
Absolutely Hevyn. Stag do's are just awful! My thinking is that at least, no stag do should be more than a day. At least I'll be able to arrive and get there fresh faced and actually enjoy the activities we do. It's a strange thing that we make ourselves miserable - going to events like stag dos -out of choice isn't it. Of course, I could go and not drink, but I think I would feel uncomfortable with alcohol being the key component etc. Just not worth it at all.
Glad you've decided to stop drinking. It really is better on the sober side. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 124
I've been sober for around 11 days now.
Honestly, I feel awful right now.
Quite a lot of anxiety and tiredness. I have no idea whether this is directly due to the alcohol or lack of it, such as PAWS type symptoms. Or whether it's coincidence?
I guess it's only when we stop drinking that we can begin to address our health I suppose. In that, if you are drinking, you have no idea what your baseline is once you remove the drink. Since quitting alcohol, I realise my journey has only just began.
I need to look at my coffee addiction for a start as I haven't been sleeping so well and that has been feeding into my anxiety levels and poor sleep. Hence quitting coffee almost seems as important as stopping drinking...
I guess I feel a bit frustrated as perhaps I had a somewhat misguided idea about giving up. Perhaps the tiredness is actually just a conflict in how I thought I should feel after quitting versus how I actually feel. And let's be honest, I haven't even done two full weeks yet!
I suspect it will be at least a full month before I start to notice any positive changes.
It sounds stupid to say but perhaps I had an underlying expectation that I could simply quit and everything would be amazing. But the reality is that I can see this journey is going to take a lot of time and I need to be patient as my health and wellbeing improve.
The alcohol was masking issues. I was self medicating for my mood and anxiety and hence once you come off the alcohol, you find yourself being more aware of what's underneath and actually starting to work on those issues.
My Dad on the weekend said I looked tired and it hurt. It seemed to confirm my own anxiety around my health which seemed to make matters worse. Yet the experience since quitting has only strengthened my resolve to keep going and make long term changes.
Stopping hasn't been the magic bullet that I had perhaps subconsciously hoped for.
I release that quitting alcohol is the foundation for better health; not the end point.
Honestly, I feel awful right now.
Quite a lot of anxiety and tiredness. I have no idea whether this is directly due to the alcohol or lack of it, such as PAWS type symptoms. Or whether it's coincidence?
I guess it's only when we stop drinking that we can begin to address our health I suppose. In that, if you are drinking, you have no idea what your baseline is once you remove the drink. Since quitting alcohol, I realise my journey has only just began.
I need to look at my coffee addiction for a start as I haven't been sleeping so well and that has been feeding into my anxiety levels and poor sleep. Hence quitting coffee almost seems as important as stopping drinking...
I guess I feel a bit frustrated as perhaps I had a somewhat misguided idea about giving up. Perhaps the tiredness is actually just a conflict in how I thought I should feel after quitting versus how I actually feel. And let's be honest, I haven't even done two full weeks yet!
I suspect it will be at least a full month before I start to notice any positive changes.
It sounds stupid to say but perhaps I had an underlying expectation that I could simply quit and everything would be amazing. But the reality is that I can see this journey is going to take a lot of time and I need to be patient as my health and wellbeing improve.
The alcohol was masking issues. I was self medicating for my mood and anxiety and hence once you come off the alcohol, you find yourself being more aware of what's underneath and actually starting to work on those issues.
My Dad on the weekend said I looked tired and it hurt. It seemed to confirm my own anxiety around my health which seemed to make matters worse. Yet the experience since quitting has only strengthened my resolve to keep going and make long term changes.
Stopping hasn't been the magic bullet that I had perhaps subconsciously hoped for.
I release that quitting alcohol is the foundation for better health; not the end point.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 52,129
George - 11 days is a wonderful beginning, but please be patient with yourself. I was very dazed & disoriented for a while after quitting. It took me some time to come back to life after all I'd put myself through. It will happen for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 212,825
Hi George
just for a point of reference I felt pretty bad for the first month and I didn't really feel like I was improving til 90 days or so.
I'm not saying that to discourage you (or anyone else) just trying to share that it may take longer than a week or to to feel good.
D
just for a point of reference I felt pretty bad for the first month and I didn't really feel like I was improving til 90 days or so.
I'm not saying that to discourage you (or anyone else) just trying to share that it may take longer than a week or to to feel good.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Hi George, glad you back! The amazing thing I have discovered on my journey is that there is not one single thing that alcohol can do for me that I want, that I can't do for myself... and there are plenty of things it does for me that I don't want. 
So glad to be free!!!
So glad to be free!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 71
Hello George, I really feel for you reading your posts. One of the reasons that I don’t come on this site very much is because it reminds me of the hell that I went through in order to stop drinking. I imagine that it is hell for most people but it is a hell worth suffering in the long term. It is a long game and not a short one however it is a game worth winning. Of course you are going to look tired, you are in one of the most demanding battles of your life. It’s ok to look and feel tired for weeks, months, or in my case until I got control back over my addiction, which was around 2 years. The withdrawal for me probably came as my biggest shock. I wasn’t even a heavy drinker, a bottle of wine a night but wow did my body feel it. My withdrawal was so physically exhausting that I never want to ever go through a withdrawal again. I can’t tell you how long I have been sober for as I never wanted to keep count but it has been a few years now. I honestly couldn’t have done it without this website. You can do it to George. With realistic expectations you can do it. I wish you nothing but the best in your battle and I prey that you WIN.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 162
Hope you can stick with it George as you are doing really well. I totally understand the need to avoid certain social situations for a while. I have just cancelled social engagements in my diary for next week because like you I need some space to begin to string together those first few days of sobriety. Please don't despair about not feeling better yet. As others have said, it can take a while. On previous quits I have suffered from fatigue, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs - but if you think about it, that just goes to show just how bad alcohol can be and how important it is to break free ...as you are beginning to do.
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