Meeting new people after achieving sobriety
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Sao Paulo Brazil
Posts: 108
Meeting new people after achieving sobriety
All my social life was attached to my alcoholic life-style, including bars, travels, etc. After I quit drinking, I honestly can't find a new way to meet new people, and being from a small town, and working at home, that won't help a thing. What were your strategies in finding new friends or even a dating after you embraced a sober life? I'm really depressed these days, and one of the reasons is really the total void of some social life, all my friends were booze partners, and I avoid them now for obvious reasons.
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Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
I go to AA, it's not the same as socialising but every so often we might go for a coffee or meal with some of the people. It does provide some human contact though. I've got friend's that came into AA with wife and children and job and home and friends, now they are sober they have the same. I came in having just left a job, no wife, no kids, no non drinking old friends, and when i got sober that's waht i had to start with and build on. Socialising cannot be the same without alcohol, if anyone says you can go and sit with your boozing mates whilst drinking coke and have just a good time is completely full of BS or plain mental.
So i had to start doing a hobby, nuts as that sounds. I took up golf (my drinking me would have battered me for doing that) and an eexercise class (my drinking me would have battered me twice for that). I met people, would join in some comps for golf, take a few lessons, the exercise class was mostly women so that was not a great social experience. Dating was a nightmare tbh. I remember sitting there over a meal just chatting with a date thinking wow this is soooooo long, running out of things to say, just feeeling a bit uncomfortable, never got used to it in sobriety. Online sites are the way forward if you want to meet people too, as friends or dates, not dating sitees but genuine interest sites, eg films, music, hobbies, games etc.
There is a great documentary where a guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago and that is something to take on board. Your expectations for sobriety need to be in check otherwise you will get extremely depressed. You can't compare going out and getting totally smashed and snogging someone just because they are there to going out sober, it's not the same at all.
So i had to start doing a hobby, nuts as that sounds. I took up golf (my drinking me would have battered me for doing that) and an eexercise class (my drinking me would have battered me twice for that). I met people, would join in some comps for golf, take a few lessons, the exercise class was mostly women so that was not a great social experience. Dating was a nightmare tbh. I remember sitting there over a meal just chatting with a date thinking wow this is soooooo long, running out of things to say, just feeeling a bit uncomfortable, never got used to it in sobriety. Online sites are the way forward if you want to meet people too, as friends or dates, not dating sitees but genuine interest sites, eg films, music, hobbies, games etc.
There is a great documentary where a guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago and that is something to take on board. Your expectations for sobriety need to be in check otherwise you will get extremely depressed. You can't compare going out and getting totally smashed and snogging someone just because they are there to going out sober, it's not the same at all.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by Scd619x 
I go to AA, it's not the same as socialising but every so often we might go for a coffee or meal with some of the people. It does provide some human contact though. I've got friend's that came into AA with wife and children and job and home and friends, now they are sober they have the same. I came in having just left a job, no wife, no kids, no non drinking old friends, and when i got sober that's waht i had to start with and build on. Socialising cannot be the same without alcohol, if anyone says you can go and sit with your boozing mates whilst drinking coke and have just a good time is completely full of BS or plain mental.
So i had to start doing a hobby, nuts as that sounds. I took up golf (my drinking me would have battered me for doing that) and an eexercise class (my drinking me would have battered me twice for that). I met people, would join in some comps for golf, take a few lessons, the exercise class was mostly women so that was not a great social experience. Dating was a nightmare tbh. I remember sitting there over a meal just chatting with a date thinking wow this is soooooo long, running out of things to say, just feeeling a bit uncomfortable, never got used to it in sobriety. Online sites are the way forward if you want to meet people too, as friends or dates, not dating sitees but genuine interest sites, eg films, music, hobbies, games etc.
There is a great documentary where a guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago and that is something to take on board. Your expectations for sobriety need to be in check otherwise you will get extremely depressed. You can't compare going out and getting totally smashed and snogging someone just because they are there to going out sober, it's not the same at all.
So i had to start doing a hobby, nuts as that sounds. I took up golf (my drinking me would have battered me for doing that) and an eexercise class (my drinking me would have battered me twice for that). I met people, would join in some comps for golf, take a few lessons, the exercise class was mostly women so that was not a great social experience. Dating was a nightmare tbh. I remember sitting there over a meal just chatting with a date thinking wow this is soooooo long, running out of things to say, just feeeling a bit uncomfortable, never got used to it in sobriety. Online sites are the way forward if you want to meet people too, as friends or dates, not dating sitees but genuine interest sites, eg films, music, hobbies, games etc.
There is a great documentary where a guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago and that is something to take on board. Your expectations for sobriety need to be in check otherwise you will get extremely depressed. You can't compare going out and getting totally smashed and snogging someone just because they are there to going out sober, it's not the same at all.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Sao Paulo Brazil
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by Scd619x
I go to AA, it's not the same as socialising but every so often we might go for a coffee or meal with some of the people. It does provide some human contact though. I've got friend's that came into AA with wife and children and job and home and friends, now they are sober they have the same. I came in having just left a job, no wife, no kids, no non drinking old friends, and when i got sober that's waht i had to start with and build on. Socialising cannot be the same without alcohol, if anyone says you can go and sit with your boozing mates whilst drinking coke and have just a good time is completely full of BS or plain mental.
So i had to start doing a hobby, nuts as that sounds. I took up golf (my drinking me would have battered me for doing that) and an eexercise class (my drinking me would have battered me twice for that). I met people, would join in some comps for golf, take a few lessons, the exercise class was mostly women so that was not a great social experience. Dating was a nightmare tbh. I remember sitting there over a meal just chatting with a date thinking wow this is soooooo long, running out of things to say, just feeeling a bit uncomfortable, never got used to it in sobriety. Online sites are the way forward if you want to meet people too, as friends or dates, not dating sitees but genuine interest sites, eg films, music, hobbies, games etc.
There is a great documentary where a guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago and that is something to take on board. Your expectations for sobriety need to be in check otherwise you will get extremely depressed. You can't compare going out and getting totally smashed and snogging someone just because they are there to going out sober, it's not the same at all.
So i had to start doing a hobby, nuts as that sounds. I took up golf (my drinking me would have battered me for doing that) and an eexercise class (my drinking me would have battered me twice for that). I met people, would join in some comps for golf, take a few lessons, the exercise class was mostly women so that was not a great social experience. Dating was a nightmare tbh. I remember sitting there over a meal just chatting with a date thinking wow this is soooooo long, running out of things to say, just feeeling a bit uncomfortable, never got used to it in sobriety. Online sites are the way forward if you want to meet people too, as friends or dates, not dating sitees but genuine interest sites, eg films, music, hobbies, games etc.
There is a great documentary where a guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago and that is something to take on board. Your expectations for sobriety need to be in check otherwise you will get extremely depressed. You can't compare going out and getting totally smashed and snogging someone just because they are there to going out sober, it's not the same at all.
thanks for sharing, what's the name of the documentary?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
guy said that his social life has never recovered aince he stopped drinking 30 years ago
I think our life after we recover really boils down to what we want and how far we go to get it.
My social life has literally never been more healthy - but I put a lot of time and effort into building, then living, a sober life I loved.
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Join Date: Feb 2021
Location: London
Posts: 333
Originally Posted by flavinho
thanks for sharing, what's the name of the documentary?
It's a great watch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RX2opvj7WE8
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,384
Yes the lack of social life for me was very hard when I quit drinking! There’s definitely a void!
I took up a variety of hobbies! I bought a 14 ft aluminum boat with a trailer and took up fishing in various inland lakes to fill that void when I first quit drinking! I basically got addicted to fishing and found it fascinating to learn all about the different species of fish! Bass, pike, Muskie, walleye, crappie, blue gill, perch, catfish…. I also was into aquariums and found it fascinating and exciting to learn about all the different species of fish in aquariums!
Then I got into working out at the gym and little did I know would end up being a gym rat! I didn’t realize my potential and how strong I really was! It was like all that energy I put into drinking I put into getting stronger at the gym! I entered powerlifting tournaments and won many trophies! I squatted 684, benched 460 and deadlifted 630!
Then I got into being a family man! By that time I was married and had two sons! My hobby then shifted to going on vacations with the family, overnight water parks, Florida, Mexico….
Then I had a crisis going on with the job! The job I had for 20 years went out of business! I had to learn new things all over again that were job related!
And little did I know I seemed to like to drive! I ended up going to truck driving school at the age of 56 and have been an over the road, all 48 states, semi truck driver now for the past two years! It’s fascinating to see all the different states and meet all types of people from different regions with different accents and everything! I’m out on the road for a month and home for 5 days! My kids are in their mid-twenties now so it doesn’t really affect them! My wife understands because she knows how hard it is for me to find the right fit with a job! Not exactly a good social life, that’s for sure!
Where I’m getting at is you will find a way to stay sober and get through life and will find out all types of things about yourself and other people and do things that you never thought you could and can have a relatively good life if you stay sober!
As far as the void of not having the same kind of social life as drinking, I just ended up getting used to it and accepting it while always trying new things and found it fascinating! Staying sober now for 29 years is the best investment I’ve ever made!
I took up a variety of hobbies! I bought a 14 ft aluminum boat with a trailer and took up fishing in various inland lakes to fill that void when I first quit drinking! I basically got addicted to fishing and found it fascinating to learn all about the different species of fish! Bass, pike, Muskie, walleye, crappie, blue gill, perch, catfish…. I also was into aquariums and found it fascinating and exciting to learn about all the different species of fish in aquariums!
Then I got into working out at the gym and little did I know would end up being a gym rat! I didn’t realize my potential and how strong I really was! It was like all that energy I put into drinking I put into getting stronger at the gym! I entered powerlifting tournaments and won many trophies! I squatted 684, benched 460 and deadlifted 630!
Then I got into being a family man! By that time I was married and had two sons! My hobby then shifted to going on vacations with the family, overnight water parks, Florida, Mexico….
Then I had a crisis going on with the job! The job I had for 20 years went out of business! I had to learn new things all over again that were job related!
And little did I know I seemed to like to drive! I ended up going to truck driving school at the age of 56 and have been an over the road, all 48 states, semi truck driver now for the past two years! It’s fascinating to see all the different states and meet all types of people from different regions with different accents and everything! I’m out on the road for a month and home for 5 days! My kids are in their mid-twenties now so it doesn’t really affect them! My wife understands because she knows how hard it is for me to find the right fit with a job! Not exactly a good social life, that’s for sure!
Where I’m getting at is you will find a way to stay sober and get through life and will find out all types of things about yourself and other people and do things that you never thought you could and can have a relatively good life if you stay sober!
As far as the void of not having the same kind of social life as drinking, I just ended up getting used to it and accepting it while always trying new things and found it fascinating! Staying sober now for 29 years is the best investment I’ve ever made!
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
Meeting new people after achieving sobriety?
It's difficult since you gave up the drinking lifestyle. And it's way more difficult in the midst of the covid pandemic.
I don't have any great suggestions, but one thing I've done is to become much more active on Zoom. I actually took an entire college course in one of my interest areas (hobby) and made some virtual friends. In the future I will be seeing some of these people in person, so in effect we already have a friendship started and don't need to begin at square one. I know it's not the same, but look for online opportunities in something that interests you.
It's difficult since you gave up the drinking lifestyle. And it's way more difficult in the midst of the covid pandemic.
I don't have any great suggestions, but one thing I've done is to become much more active on Zoom. I actually took an entire college course in one of my interest areas (hobby) and made some virtual friends. In the future I will be seeing some of these people in person, so in effect we already have a friendship started and don't need to begin at square one. I know it's not the same, but look for online opportunities in something that interests you.
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