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I'm telling on my self I've been drinking more often than ever and getting high as if it going out style. It's effects my sleep big time I'm tired at work more than ever. I need to stop. I'm just so bored sober. I realize that drinking is all I have to look forward to. It feels as if without getting drunk and high I have nothing to do. I have no life. Anyway I feel paralyzed unable to change.
Also I have zero energy and motivation. I'm confused and don't know what I want. I do appreciate all the advice I've been given. Sometimes I want to get sober sometimes I don't. I keep changing my mind. But I do need to stop because getting loaded 5 times a week is not Sustainable. I don't understand why one moment I want to quit but then I the next day I change my mind. David

Dee74

Have you tried looking for supports like AA or SMART Recovery or lifering David?

If you want to stop, and you're on SR so I have to believe you do, you need to start putting action behind that desire to quit.
You're going to have to initiate some kind of change?

The more help you have in making that change and sticking to it, the better?

D

advbike

Hi David, sorry to hear that you're still caught up in your addiction. It does tend to leave us rather empty. The addiction always ends up the number one priority, to the exclusion of everything else. Wondering if you have any hobbies or interests? For the money that you spend getting high I would think you could afford some nice toys, or travel, or whatever. I literally don't have enough time in the day for all of mine. But we're all different. Do you do any sports or recreation? I found running and now that I'm older, cycling, to really help - there really is such a thing as a runner's high.

Cheers, mate.

nez

My drinking was boring. Same old same old. Drink until bedtime (AKA as passed out). I had no life when I was drinking. Alcohol told me where to go, when to go, and what to do when i got there (which was drink more). I was paralyzed by alcohol.

This was me. I still don't understand, but luckily I don't have to understand. i just need to listen to my soul, the real me, the part of me that has my best interest at heart, the one telling me It wasn't wrong. I don't get bored today. I have a life today. I am free and comfortable with myself today. I wouldn't trade today for anything!

Mizz

When we quit alcohol there is a void. Finding something that you enjoy doing will fill that void and allow you to focus on the hobby. What sort of things do you enjoy doing or do you think you would enjoy doing?

dustyfox

Just wishing you well David and hoping you take you own advice 'getting loaded 5 times a week is not sustainable' you're right it isn't.
This is why you are confused and exhausted. Stop doing it and see how you feel

Boondock

Just try to keep yourself busy and re-connect with the things you like. For me that was Guitar and exercise/sports....also chores are good house cleaning, laundry, car detailing ,cooking..etc... It's good that you made the step to reach out for help.

Boondock

Also stay hydrated and eat well rounded meals...take a multi-vitamin and get a B vitamin complex alcohol diminishes B vitamins in your body.

JaseUK

Hi David
You sound just like I felt before I quit (fairly recently i.e. since 1st June) . I totes relate to the sleep thing and since I've quit I'm sleeping better and have more energy in the day. What I also discovered was other things have filled in the drinking time. So I'm using my exercise bike every day, playing chess online, writing to a pen pal I have etc. Many things I'm doing now I couldn't do when I was drinking and had no energy.

I agree with Boondock about taking a B vit. I'm doing that.

Also give yourself little treats for meeting sober goals. Eg you made a day sober? Awesome! Have a pizza (or whatever you like), 2 days? 2 pizzas! Okay maybe not, but you get the idea!

Keep talking to us.

novips

There's a saying in A.A. that goes something like this:

Q: If there are three frogs on a log and they all make a decision to jump off, how many are left on the log?
A: Three. They just made a decision but didn't take any action.

FWIW, here are the 5 actions I committed to at the beginning of my recovery journey:

(1) Attend at least 1 A.A. meeting every day for 90 days.
(2) Get on my knees every morning and evening, asking God to keep me sober in the morning and thanking Him for doing so in the evening. (There's a lot of room for customization here -- particularly in terms of using substitutes for "God" and "Him". Nor does this action require you to believe anything in particular. An atheist can follow this instruction without imploding.)
(3) Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book.
(4) Call my sponsor every day.
(5) Get a home group and a service commitment.

At the very least, that should give you something to fill your evenings with while not drinking.

comewhatmay

Firstly, well done, you've made the hardest step of all by admitting it to yourself and now to others here in plain text. I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling. It's not easy, if it was, everyone would quit. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It's a rough road when you're dealing with addiction, and you're not alone. The other members here have made some helpful suggestions.

Most importantly, don't quit trying to quit. Try again, keep trying, try different things until something works. The worst thing you can do is to stop trying. Sobering up long term is a one on one battle with yourself but it's one you can WIN. Best wishes.

RecklessDrunk

I got more and more isolated drinking as I got older. It use to be a lot of drinking in the bars and clubs.

By my later 30s it was a lot of drinking at home alone. Even a Saturday night, my obsession to drink somehow i guess had me convinced that this was somehow a good time. I would diet and exercise during the week and eat junk food after drinking. All week dieting to eat something good and I couldn't even remember eating it. Or worse it turned into a crack cocaine binge and Saturday nights treat food became Sunday brunch.

Flopping around the house alone on Saturday night. Unable to even focus on a TV program. With a little luck I may come to in the middle of the night and see a replay of the college football game from earlier in the evening that I totally don't remember.

Its another one of those delusions my obsession to drink feeds me. Somehow sitting alone at home is now ok as long as I'm drinking. Flopping around all stupid and God forbid I pick up the phone and call or text some diarrhea of the keypad. Ive come to realize this is pathetic. A quiet evening at home with Netflix or sports and comfort food isn't all that bad. Its definitely more enjoyable then drinking. Maybe I will have a normal, sane telephone conversation and remember it. The idea that a drink makes this better is a delusion. It makes it worse. Looking back it made some nights just absolutely pathetic, even put me in jail! If drunk me suddenly decided to go out it was going to go from pathetic to dangerous.

Scd619x

I wasted most of my adult life making half assed attempts at quitting drinking and smoking. In the end i quit both and in a way that still makes me think what a waste of time all those token attempts were! The obsession of quitting ran my life for a couple of decades, like it was some kind of holy crusade! Point is until i was really ready to quit i would have been better served looking after myself as best as i could and getting on with my life whilst trying to keep as busy as i could to reduce the amount i was drinking and smoking, rather than every morning thinking that's it i'm quitting only to begin again later that day or the following one, that thinking almost drove me mad!

Here's something that helped me. If you could drink alcohol without any consequences at all, would you drink? So it would not affect health or relationships or life, would you do it. If the answer is yes then there is a distinct perceived benefit to you drinking. If you can figure out what perceived benefit drinking has for you then you can start to do something about it.