dealing with lies
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
dealing with lies
hello,
my SO is an alcoholic. he hasnt drank, i believe, in about a month. he's not nearly as nasty as he was drinking... but he lies to me. lies about things that aren't important. and he has a porn addiction that drives me crazy.
he calls and leaves messages in the 10 minute window i used to call him every morning. then he's online again for hours upon hours. i am not sure if he is replacing the drinking with more time online or what it is... but he knows this particular addiction hurts me greatly. yet he continues. then lies about it. do i confront him about the lying or just not say anything in fear i will become the excuse he is looking for to drink again.
he doesnt have a program. hes doing this on his own. although i do attend alanon myself. i just feel sick about the whole thing. sure i could call his cell and talk to him, but sheesh... 6 hours a day minimum online is a bit much isnt it?
quietsins
my SO is an alcoholic. he hasnt drank, i believe, in about a month. he's not nearly as nasty as he was drinking... but he lies to me. lies about things that aren't important. and he has a porn addiction that drives me crazy.
he calls and leaves messages in the 10 minute window i used to call him every morning. then he's online again for hours upon hours. i am not sure if he is replacing the drinking with more time online or what it is... but he knows this particular addiction hurts me greatly. yet he continues. then lies about it. do i confront him about the lying or just not say anything in fear i will become the excuse he is looking for to drink again.
he doesnt have a program. hes doing this on his own. although i do attend alanon myself. i just feel sick about the whole thing. sure i could call his cell and talk to him, but sheesh... 6 hours a day minimum online is a bit much isnt it?
quietsins
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
It's fairly common to replace one addiction with another. In my experience, getting sober is only the first step. Working a plan of recovery through AA addresses our issues and helps us live life again without alcohol or other addictions. Unfortunately, he has to want to recover and you are pretty much powerless over that. I am glad you are in Al Anon. You will find lots of help and support there.
jojo
jojo
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Hi Quetsins
I agree with Phinneas about the addictive behaviour. It's in our nature so if we stop drinking, we replace it with something else. For me it was coffee, then mineral water. Sheesh!!
As for lying. Well again it has been in our nature for so long, that it has become habit to lie when confronted about our addiction.
As a recovering alcoholic, I know how difficult it is to achieve sobriety without support. I think only if he truly wants to recover and seeks help, will you really begin to see significant changes in his behaviour.
Keep going to alanon. It works if you work it.
Take care of yourself.
Rich
I agree with Phinneas about the addictive behaviour. It's in our nature so if we stop drinking, we replace it with something else. For me it was coffee, then mineral water. Sheesh!!
As for lying. Well again it has been in our nature for so long, that it has become habit to lie when confronted about our addiction.
As a recovering alcoholic, I know how difficult it is to achieve sobriety without support. I think only if he truly wants to recover and seeks help, will you really begin to see significant changes in his behaviour.
Keep going to alanon. It works if you work it.
Take care of yourself.
Rich
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
There is a remarkable thread on the Friends & Family forum called The Lovely Porn Video I Found On My Computer:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...0&page=1&pp=20
I found it very educational, and there are some useful resources mentioned.
Take care,
Don S
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...0&page=1&pp=20
I found it very educational, and there are some useful resources mentioned.
Take care,
Don S
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Yes I think you should tell him how his behaviour is affecting you.You cannot build a relationship on lies or switching one addiction for another.
Talk to him without being judgemental or condemning and continue going to meetings.
Talk to him without being judgemental or condemning and continue going to meetings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 62
Sex addiction is tough for all involved, for the addict there is support at http://www.sa.org, for the partner or family members of sexaholics try http://www.sanon.org.... one layer of the onion at a time....
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