Insanity
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 16
Insanity
I am so tired of this. This roller coaster that I just won’t get off. I feel terrible but in a few days I know I’ll convince myself it’s OK to have one or two drinks. But I’m so so disgusted with myself. Went with my mom and my stepdad on a little trip didn’t plan on drinking. Got into an argument I just made a fool of myself. I apologized and apologized and although they forgive me. I can’t forgive myself. I’m a binge drinker and once I get started I can’t stop. Of course you have friends that love you and want to convince you that it’s OK to make mistakes just drink a little bit know your limit. I can’t make them understand i don’t have a limit. Maybe two times out of five times I can maintain it. But the other three times it’s like I’m so gone. It’s playing Russian roulette. The blackouts. I hear people on this site say the first thing they do is wonder what happened to that one hour. The other thing is checking yourself to cell phone for drunk texts. Of course I did. Friends wondering why. I know I need to stop I pray but somewhere down the line I convince myself it’s OK to drink and let loose. So I’m an alcoholic I may not drink every day but on the days I do drink I make up for the days I didn’t drink. I just hate myself. I’m such a loser! Why can’t I stop! I want to just crawl in a whole and hide.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
You do seem to be addicted to alcohol, but you are not a loser. You got to play the cards you were dealt and that means in your case, not drinking. Ever. Not a sip.
I got the same deck, and once I accepted to my soul that I can never drink, the rest was execution. I wasted so many hears trying to change my facts, but facts do not change. I am addicted to alcohol. I cannot drink. I do not drink.
I also do not hit my kids or kick my dog, and actually given what happens when drink, those would be better alternatives for my kids and my dog.
For me, once I accepted my situation and took a firm decision, I never looked back.
It took me a while to get there, but it was the key.
Do not wait as long as I did.
You got this and we got your back.
I got the same deck, and once I accepted to my soul that I can never drink, the rest was execution. I wasted so many hears trying to change my facts, but facts do not change. I am addicted to alcohol. I cannot drink. I do not drink.
I also do not hit my kids or kick my dog, and actually given what happens when drink, those would be better alternatives for my kids and my dog.
For me, once I accepted my situation and took a firm decision, I never looked back.
It took me a while to get there, but it was the key.
Do not wait as long as I did.
You got this and we got your back.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
You are not a loser.
Change that dialogue.
Everyone has problems and some of the problems continually show themselves until we change them. You have the power to change this situation by finding a path of sobriety that works for you.
AA, Lifering, SR, SMART or a combination of all of those....Or something else entirely. The goal is to change the behavior and to work towards improving your life. Overcoming addiction is hard work but it is work that is necessary and beneficial.
No one knows the truth but you. Your friends do not have to understand your situation. That is okay. You understand that you can not drink alcohol. You can do this. We are here for support!
Change that dialogue.
Everyone has problems and some of the problems continually show themselves until we change them. You have the power to change this situation by finding a path of sobriety that works for you.
AA, Lifering, SR, SMART or a combination of all of those....Or something else entirely. The goal is to change the behavior and to work towards improving your life. Overcoming addiction is hard work but it is work that is necessary and beneficial.
No one knows the truth but you. Your friends do not have to understand your situation. That is okay. You understand that you can not drink alcohol. You can do this. We are here for support!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Justme8 
I am so tired of this. This roller coaster that I just won’t get off. I feel terrible but in a few days I know I’ll convince myself it’s OK to have one or two drinks. But I’m so so disgusted with myself. Went with my mom and my stepdad on a little trip didn’t plan on drinking. Got into an argument I just made a fool of myself. I apologized and apologized and although they forgive me. I can’t forgive myself. I’m a binge drinker and once I get started I can’t stop. Of course you have friends that love you and want to convince you that it’s OK to make mistakes just drink a little bit know your limit. I can’t make them understand i don’t have a limit. Maybe two times out of five times I can maintain it. But the other three times it’s like I’m so gone. It’s playing Russian roulette. The blackouts. I hear people on this site say the first thing they do is wonder what happened to that one hour. The other thing is checking yourself to cell phone for drunk texts. Of course I did. Friends wondering why. I know I need to stop I pray but somewhere down the line I convince myself it’s OK to drink and let loose. So I’m an alcoholic I may not drink every day but on the days I do drink I make up for the days I didn’t drink. I just hate myself. I’m such a loser! Why can’t I stop! I want to just crawl in a whole and hide.
Coming here was a good idea - perhaps you could start spending some more regular time with this community or a recovery community in your local area? Being around people who understand what you are going through and also those who have successfully quit can be of great benefit. You also need to prioritize your sobriety - if you don't make a commitment you will never reach it. You CAN quit if you truly want to, and we can help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 27
I understand your feelings well. I'm currently dealing with some very similar feelings. I can't stop either once I start. I drink until I passout, blackout, or run out, never before. I was like you where it wasn't an everyday thing, but it slowly, insidiously, took over and became everyday, then always. We need to take the advice from those on here and give it out all. It's our only chance. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
